I was 5...

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Bashful, Mar 18, 2009.

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  1. Bashful

    Bashful New Member

    ...when I spent the weekend at my sisters best friends house. She and the rest of their family went out some where and her oldest brother stayed home to babysit. I don't remember much except for the actual event. He touched me in places I was not comfortable with, and well he... and I remember looking out at their pool and just crying wanting to go home. I came home and up till now, my life has changed.

    I am now a young adult, and I find myself finding it hard to get into a relationship as I cannot approach girls as I feel I am to bashful. "Why would a girl like me?" I think to myself. The last two girls I have been with sexually, well, I broke down, blacked out and felt like I was five years old again. Since then neither of them have really talked to me and that makes things worse on my self esteem.

    Both my parents, and my sister are aware of what happened. While my mother was apologetic and even called the mother to explain what happened (without details of who was the victim), my father and sister pretty much shrugged it off completely.

    I feel like this is ruining my life, I don't know how to get past this so I can get over this bashfulness and actually have a successful relationship.

    Thank you for reading.
  2. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hiya bashfull,
    I guess it's horrible to have had an experience like that :(...:hug:
    my heart bleeds imagining my sweet little boy going through that.
    I think you need therapy, a good psychologist to help you, learn to
    give that terrible happening a place in the past and get you ready to
    face a safe future where you don't need to be affraid, unsure, unsafe....
    I think you can pass this, and for sure get to live a happy life and embrace
    the possibility of having a healthy loving relationship.
    I hope you keep us posted and your life starts improving soon
    Take care,
  3. xxicedragonxx

    xxicedragonxx Well-Known Member

    i know this may sound cliche but what happened wasnt your fault.

    maybe by putting yourself down, you are blaming yourself inside for what happened. i know it can be hard, but sometimes you have to take risks. if a girl likes you... you wont be able to find out if you always put yourself down.

    if this really gets in the way of relationships, try talking to a therapist... they have ways of bringing out things you didnt even know were bothering you...
  4. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hi Bashful I'm in the same boat almost.

    It's incredibly difficult, especially for a guy to have to explain how sex can be a negative association. It's not your fault, though, I know that'll probably do shit to make you feel better. Perhaps its time to go talk with a counselor?
  5. Bashful

    Bashful New Member

    See the funny thing about it, I know it's not my fault and yet it still gets the best of me.

    When I had the last black out I realized I needed to see a counselor so the next day I started looking at the companies intranet at where I worked which offered free three free sessions, and that day I was basically terminated. Everyday that way I had black outs due to stress.

    Now I cannot afford counseling because I am unemployed.
  6. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member


    i was deeply saddened to hear about what has happend to you in your past. it must have been a horrific experience and one that has taken you a great deal of strength to be able to move on from.

    Your families reaction was perhaps not the best response but it sounds like you coped well with that.

    Did the girls you have tried to have relations with know about your past? I know it isnt somthing that is easy to bring up but maybe they would be a little more understanding.
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