I was clean for three and a half years. May be triggering?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lakenb, Mar 22, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. lakenb

    lakenb Active Member

    I've started to blackout, I'm getting nightmares, I'm just spiraling down. The craving to cut never really went to way, I just got better at ignoring it Though lately I haven't been able to and I slipped up, I cut again, and again, and again. I love the scars, the pain, the blood, I feel like I deserve it. I'm working on it though, but the problem is I don't honestly want to stop and that scares me. Last time I quit because I had the will power, right now I just want to get worse I want scars all over me, where people can't see. All of my secrets. It scares me how much I want that, so I've tried to stop but I cant completely stop I slip up a lot, not even because I'm stressed or upset, though I usually am. Sometimes I'm just doing it to do it. and I hate it, and I crave it. Its just getting worse. Couple the cutting with the blackouts and you have a very scared person that is slowly losing control and will power. I'm a survivor but that doesn't mean I'm not scared and that I won't fail, not matter what I have to hold on to.
     
  2. Jericho

    Jericho Well-Known Member

    I am no expert, my friend, but have you tried seeking a therapist? I don't know that much, but I am sure they can help with this matter. My other suggestion would be to just breathe and keep talking on here. We can help you with what you are feeling.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.