I've started to blackout, I'm getting nightmares, I'm just spiraling down. The craving to cut never really went to way, I just got better at ignoring it Though lately I haven't been able to and I slipped up, I cut again, and again, and again. I love the scars, the pain, the blood, I feel like I deserve it. I'm working on it though, but the problem is I don't honestly want to stop and that scares me. Last time I quit because I had the will power, right now I just want to get worse I want scars all over me, where people can't see. All of my secrets. It scares me how much I want that, so I've tried to stop but I cant completely stop I slip up a lot, not even because I'm stressed or upset, though I usually am. Sometimes I'm just doing it to do it. and I hate it, and I crave it. Its just getting worse. Couple the cutting with the blackouts and you have a very scared person that is slowly losing control and will power. I'm a survivor but that doesn't mean I'm not scared and that I won't fail, not matter what I have to hold on to.