I was doing bloody well, too.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Hurricane, Mar 12, 2012.

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  1. Hurricane

    Hurricane Member

    Well, I improved from the 'I want to die' mantra in the back of my head and went into a bit of a mental hibernation. College makes me miserable. I want to step in front of a train every morning that I wake up and think I have to go back. I can't quit because of my parents and the enternal guilt trip that despite me being 18 I'm classed as dependent and if I quit they get less money. I want to move out and work full time so badly. I got back into gaming about half a year ago, it's really my 'wow, look at what I'm doing! look at all these people giving a fuck about me. I feel really needed and appreciated. these people want to know about me and my life. this is great. I feel so connected' way of coping with a college I hate. I make the money I spend on it myself, and I'm a legal adult. After snooping in my bank account, I had a giant argument with my mother including her demanding things about how I spend my money. I asked her why she couldn't ask me like an adult, and after another argument (which upset me quite a bit) she sarcastically asked and I said, okay, fine. I was getting over it. Because of problems with college my dad and I have been at odds anyway; he doesn't speak to me, won't look at me, I eat in the kitchen to avoid the atmosphere around him, since while not acknowledging me he does deign to rant about me in my presence (we should have left her behind and gone) and it's slowly been wearing me down. Then suddenly he runs upstairs, bursts into the room and demands things of me under the threat that otherwise my laptop (my escape, my fucking escape) goes. I'm stuck here. I'm stuck in this place and every time I think of a solution it fails or gets taken away or gets ruined and I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be stuck in a country without family with parents who care more about money in a house I can't get out of
    I don't want to i don't want to i don't want to and I really just want to curl up and sleep and sleep and sleep forever and there's only one way to do that
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are so young feeling so overwhelmed hun. I know for alot of students they too feel the same way you do hun I can tell you there is alot of fear anxiety and you will not be alone okay You will have people at the school you can talk too councillors are there to help you. When things have calmed down some please talk to both your parents together and let them know how overwhelmed you are feeling
     
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