And now I'm just not. I had a whole month or so where things were going really well and I was feeling really positive. It's crashing down now and I'm trying so hard to hold on to the positive feelings that I had a week ago. What the hell happened? I was doing better. I felt confident and happy, why did it have to go away? I had hope. Now I don't even have the complacent numbness that my meds used to give. I am back to hurting and feeling hopeless. Even more-so now that I have felt hopeful in recent memory. I am so afraid. I feel so lonely and I keep telling the people around me but it's not changing anything. They acknowledge it but they have their own stuff going on, they just say they're sorry I feel that way and they are here for me, and then they go about their lives. I am not upset with them, I understand. I just wish someone would stop and listen. Really listen. I'm not even sure I have anything to say, but even if they would just sit next to me it would mean so much. I am so scared.