I was going to commit

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anonymouse, Dec 31, 2008.

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  1. anonymouse

    anonymouse Active Member

    tonight..

    But I can't. They locked the doors to the place where I was going to do it, so I'll need to find a new place. I can do it here, but it will be agonizing and I want it to be quick. I don't seek rescue. This is simply so you should know if I stop joining the chat. I'll let you know once more when I'm going.

    It's sort of against my world view to post this, but it's just in case I'm wrong. My belief is atheistic (or really closer to "adeism" if you're into ethymology), and that there is no afterlife. My belief tells me that when it ends, the world and the everything is destroyed. Thus me killing myself is really destroying everything including you, and then a death note won't matter. If it is so that I'm wrong then I want to leave a nice corpse. I wont be able to enjoy it from up above, but it'll be good for the coroner and close family probably.

    I wont tell you why I'm doing this. I've already told to a few anonymous people. And each time they all get angry and spiteful, and I even managed to get one person claim they got suicidal because of me. It's not a crime or thought of commiting a crime. It boils down to personality. And that's all you get to know.

    And no I wont seek professional help. I've studied their methods, and none will help. They WILL put me in a locked cell. And being devoid of mental entertainment won't make me any better. That is just more likely to make me angry and dangerous.
     
  2. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry to hear that you see no other way of escaping the pain in your life. I understand you've read about methods. But its not all about being put in a locked cell. It might help you just to talk. You don't have to tell your suicidal. Just get things off your chest.
    Please, i really hope you don't go through with this.
     
  3. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    PM me why you're feeling the way you are please.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Did it occur to you that the doors being locked might just be a sign that you are meant to live? I do not know your story and I won't pry unless you choose to share, but I believe you can find other options. For what it is worth, I am glad those doors were locked. :hug:
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi anonmouse,

    I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
    Please don't do this. You can get through this :hug:
    If you want to talk about what's bothering you PM me.
    I hope you feel better soon!
     
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Maybe the doors being locked was a sign that it isn't your time to go yet? Also, why is it that you feel the need to end your life? :unsure:
     
  7. anonymouse

    anonymouse Active Member

    That wasn't a sign. That was a fucking fluke. A statistical anomaly. And those doors aren't needed anymore. I'm sure some people will be happy about this and i'm done with this shit. Only thing that remains today is maybe to leave a note and wait for darkness. If my family finds this which I doubt, then they should know they could never have fixed it.
     
  8. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    This time last year I was ready to commit. I saw no other way out and I could not cope with the pain I was in. It didn't happen and a year later I am so glad I am still here. I've still got major problems in my life and don't expect to be out partying tonight but I am glad I am still here. Best wishes.
     
  9. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    Mouse, please don't go through with this. If people acted negatively, then they were not approaching the situation right. I know I can't judge anyone for reasons they are suicidal, because I've had some rediculous reasons myself. Some are just things I made up in my head though excessive worrying.

    But we have to get through these things... I will be around throughout the day if you want to talk at all. Just PM me. I swear I won't judge you for anything.

    Please don't give up.
     
  10. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    i, too, really wish you wouldnt go through with this. i know you see no real reason to live, but that's what mental disorders like depression and such do to a person's mind. they take away what is supposed to bring joy and contentment and replace it with irrational, messed up thoughts and hopelessness. the hopelessness is what sets you up for failure. it's why you feel like it's just your "personality" that can't be fixed and dismiss the notion of trying out different forms of professional help because "you've studied their methods and know they won't work". is going through with this today really better than trying everything that you possibly can, especially when you (most likely) only get one life? please don't do this to yourself or your family
     
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I wonder if anonymouse is okay? :unsure:
     
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