i was going to say.........

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kath, Nov 28, 2006.

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  1. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    i was going to say i need someone to talk to.......but whats the point........i know i'll never manage it.

    So maybe i just need someone to be with.i dont know.im sorry.im confused.i shouldnt be posting this.i make no sense.
     
  2. Winters

    Winters Member




    <Mod edit: Abacus21 - contact information>
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2006
  3. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Thankyou.i know im failing to be very expressive here so how can you all know whats going on,how can i be less alone if ic ant even communicate very well.There is a lot going on.
     
  4. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    It is my uncles funeral in a different part of the country in the morning.i had not seen him or any of the rest of my family for about four years or so before he died.i blame myself for that,think im bad.Cos i fled those years back.The only exvceptions in the family who ive seen recently are my two sisters,Mum and Dad and that was a few weeks ago now....i met up with them and that was the first time i had even seen them in the past four or so years,we had some text contact for about a year before but not much plus also cards on special occasions etc..i was so scarfed when i went to meet up with them again but i knew i had to..Maybe my being scared irrational but its how i was.i may have got through seeing them but i havent seen any of the others of my family again yet.......ie aunts,uncles,gran,grandad etc.And now i dont know if i can/should go to the funeral.i keep thinking whats for the best without me upsetting other people.Will they be more upset if i do go or if i dont after not seeing them for four or so years.And also i worry if i dont go my family will hate me more for not going but then if i do go they might now want me there anyway,it might upset them that ive just suddenly appeared.Also some time ago now it was one of my grans funerals.At that point i hadnt even seen my sisters,parents again and going to the funeral felt too much for me.i felt so bad about that.Not being there like i know i will feel so bad again if i dont go tomorow but i dont know if i can cope with it.And im panicking and im worried even if i did go then the family might feel offended that i went to this funeral but not my grans and then assume i didnt love my gran as much as my uncle.....but thats not true.i dont know what to do.And thats the least of my problems......
     
  5. TwilightZephyr

    TwilightZephyr Active Member

    I think it's kinda hard to try to get everything one feels inside out into words. I myself blog to get what I feel inside out...it works sometimes.

    I don't think it really matters how well you can express yourself...just that you do.

    I've got nothing to do for the next 40mins...so I can chat here or in PM if you want.
     
  6. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Though a fairly big one in itsself.
     
  7. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Thats very kind of you.i really need someone rihgt now.Though i do not deserve it and even feel guilty for admitting to it.i just feel so terrible and like such a bad person.With expressing myself thats the problem im not really expressing what i really need to.......im not managing to....
     
  8. TwilightZephyr

    TwilightZephyr Active Member

    I would say go to the funeral. I have found in my experience that talking to someone after years of not talking to them actually turns out not too bad. I think it's better to deal with something than to runaway...granted I choose to runaway a lot. There must be reasons why you haven't seen these people...you might not be able to explain it to them...but I think people will probably just be grateful to see you.

    I personally have not seen my uncles, aunts, cousins ect very often. Even my brothers and sisters.

    funerals are hard in general...I think people could understand not wanting to go to them...but I think it's better for the grieving process...plus it's nice to have your family there...even when you haven't seen them in awhile.
     
  9. TwilightZephyr

    TwilightZephyr Active Member

    Ah...I think everyone deserves help. I'm weird I tend to always side with the bad guy...and think everyone has good in them and deserves what everyone else does, no matter who they are. I'm a true believer in equality. Plus it's usually not too hard for me to listen...and I find I sometimes learn something about myself.

    As far as expressing...I don't think it's easy. From my own experiences I've learned when I need help...I am very cryptic and not very open to letting others help...mostly cause I'm ashamed of what I feel and how others will see me.
     
  10. TwilightZephyr

    TwilightZephyr Active Member

    Just curious if you went to the funeral or not...and how your day was?
     
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