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It is my uncles funeral in a different part of the country in the morning.i had not seen him or any of the rest of my family for about four years or so before he died.i blame myself for that,think im bad.Cos i fled those years back.The only exvceptions in the family who ive seen recently are my two sisters,Mum and Dad and that was a few weeks ago now....i met up with them and that was the first time i had even seen them in the past four or so years,we had some text contact for about a year before but not much plus also cards on special occasions etc..i was so scarfed when i went to meet up with them again but i knew i had to..Maybe my being scared irrational but its how i was.i may have got through seeing them but i havent seen any of the others of my family again yet.......ie aunts,uncles,gran,grandad etc.And now i dont know if i can/should go to the funeral.i keep thinking whats for the best without me upsetting other people.Will they be more upset if i do go or if i dont after not seeing them for four or so years.And also i worry if i dont go my family will hate me more for not going but then if i do go they might now want me there anyway,it might upset them that ive just suddenly appeared.Also some time ago now it was one of my grans funerals.At that point i hadnt even seen my sisters,parents again and going to the funeral felt too much for me.i felt so bad about that.Not being there like i know i will feel so bad again if i dont go tomorow but i dont know if i can cope with it.And im panicking and im worried even if i did go then the family might feel offended that i went to this funeral but not my grans and then assume i didnt love my gran as much as my uncle.....but thats not true.i dont know what to do.And thats the least of my problems......
Thats very kind of you.i really need someone rihgt now.Though i do not deserve it and even feel guilty for admitting to it.i just feel so terrible and like such a bad person.With expressing myself thats the problem im not really expressing what i really need to.......im not managing to....
I would say go to the funeral. I have found in my experience that talking to someone after years of not talking to them actually turns out not too bad. I think it's better to deal with something than to runaway...granted I choose to runaway a lot. There must be reasons why you haven't seen these people...you might not be able to explain it to them...but I think people will probably just be grateful to see you.
I personally have not seen my uncles, aunts, cousins ect very often. Even my brothers and sisters.
funerals are hard in general...I think people could understand not wanting to go to them...but I think it's better for the grieving process...plus it's nice to have your family there...even when you haven't seen them in awhile.
Ah...I think everyone deserves help. I'm weird I tend to always side with the bad guy...and think everyone has good in them and deserves what everyone else does, no matter who they are. I'm a true believer in equality. Plus it's usually not too hard for me to listen...and I find I sometimes learn something about myself.
As far as expressing...I don't think it's easy. From my own experiences I've learned when I need help...I am very cryptic and not very open to letting others help...mostly cause I'm ashamed of what I feel and how others will see me.