i was just sexually abused...

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by justastrangegirl, Mar 14, 2014.

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  1. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    i was just sexually abused by my gym instructor, who's the gym owner.. i just feel so dirty.. trashy.. i feel like a slut for letting it happen.. even though i pushed him away, said NO several times, even though I lied and said that I am with someone he did not care.. said "I'm not gonna tell him", as he grabbed me and held me closer and closer.. I unlocked the door and opened it but he shut it again and started to touch me.. I should have scream, or harm him, or do something.. I just froze and had a terrified look in my eyes.. I know this because when I finally reacted again and opened the door and got out, he held my arm and pushed me inside again and told me to calm down, that he was going to calm himself down and that we were going to start my work out.. i got out crying, came home, and took a shower.. I feel so worthless.. I feel everyone who comes near me just wants to use me.. to have a good time and move on.. I've never been with anyone before, and of course, I want my first time to be with someone I love.. but now I just feel that might never happen for me.. I'm trying to have a new start, and all I could think about while he was touching me was "I can't let him rape me, I have to escape, he can't be my first, I want to be with ...." but I can't even talk about this with the man I like.. he has his own problems right now, and I know he wouldn't be able to support me the way I need him to..
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you need to report this person so it does not happen to anyone else ok even if you do it anonymously so he does not harm again Talk to someone ok get some help for you your doctor or counselor someone
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Go to the police and report the bastard!
    They may not be able to do much as it comes down to "he said", "she said", but at least you will feel you have fought back.
    Get some counselling NOW before the incident defines you and remember YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!
  4. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    i can't report him, no witnesses, and I don't even want to remember it happened.. i can't stop crying.. I just want to talk with one person about this.. but I'm not even sure if it's right to talk to them about this, and now I just feel so alone.. I'm not sure of anything anymore.. I though I was being appreciated and cared for, now I'm paranoic and feel I'm being used or that I'm just men's sex toy..
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are not worthless. It's takes a lot of courage to post what happened to you. Never judge yourself even though you are going through a traumatic time. Please speak to someone and also I suggest that you change gym. Please do not go back there. You need to tell someone as you cannot suffer in silence. You are worth a lot and never think that other people are the same as this person. Please take care.
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this! It was not your fault in any way. You are NOT here just to be someone's sex toy or an object. You are very worthwhile in every way, and you didn't deserve this.

    Whether or not you report the incident to the police, perhaps call a sexual assault support line. Feelings of violation, being used, etc. are "common and normal reactions" to being assaulted, and the assault counsellors are well trained in helping callers identify all the options they have.

    For now, just know that we care about you. We know you didn't deserve this, and maybe that will help you as you move forward.

    Many hugs and lots of care to you! :hug:
  7. soulreaper

    soulreaper Well-Known Member

    you are not a slut, you resisted him. go to the police and make a report.
  8. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    thank you all for replying.. I'm feeling a bit better.. but I feel completely isolated.. feel like i can't count on the very people i need the most..
  9. Cat of Spades

    Cat of Spades Well-Known Member

    The first thing you need to do is breathe and focus your mind, it is never good for you to take action when you are not in a proper state of mind.

    Second, you must decide how you wish to proceed and it is entirely up to you but I would highly recommend you go to your boyfriend and parents(if you are young, you sound very young which makes this a bit more difficult) first, from there you can report him to law enforcement when you have the support of the people around you... I get the feeling you are not quite up to it right now, so go to them and let them help you with the situation, you will be glad you did.
  10. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Am so sorry this has happened
    If you need to talk pm me any time
    it wasn't your fault at all
    please try and stay safe
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    NOT your fault, none of this is. He is EVIL. Report him to the authorities hun, I know just how hard that can be but you can do it. Don't let this scum do this to you or anyone else. Once it's reported he's practically branded (that's from my own experience anyway) Look after yourself first, you are no 1. Good luck to you and we are always here xx
  12. Cat of Spades

    Cat of Spades Well-Known Member

    I'd like to point out that the purpose of the forum(At least as is my understanding) is to offer advice and support to people that may need it, not to recommend abuse of the justice system to damage someone for sinister purposes. Seeking justice is not the same as seeking revenge... revenge is a negative concept that will only breed more negative problems in one's life.

    Innocent until proven guilty should always be taken seriously. Certainly a report and an investigation are in order but we must make sure to remain objective and not advise pursuit of mob violence, mob 'justice'. Always justice, never vengeance. Stay positive.
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I agree that innocent until proven guilty should always be the case. Please understand I was only sharing my experience and only stating what occurred in my case.
  14. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i noticed the 'no witnesses' bit.
    doesn't mean you can't report. or that it won't work or that he won't go down.
    if you feel he must be reported, report away.

    in meantime, doing some soul searching and unwinding, meditation may help...
    & staying away from that place
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