i was just sexually abused by my gym instructor, who's the gym owner.. i just feel so dirty.. trashy.. i feel like a slut for letting it happen.. even though i pushed him away, said NO several times, even though I lied and said that I am with someone he did not care.. said "I'm not gonna tell him", as he grabbed me and held me closer and closer.. I unlocked the door and opened it but he shut it again and started to touch me.. I should have scream, or harm him, or do something.. I just froze and had a terrified look in my eyes.. I know this because when I finally reacted again and opened the door and got out, he held my arm and pushed me inside again and told me to calm down, that he was going to calm himself down and that we were going to start my work out.. i got out crying, came home, and took a shower.. I feel so worthless.. I feel everyone who comes near me just wants to use me.. to have a good time and move on.. I've never been with anyone before, and of course, I want my first time to be with someone I love.. but now I just feel that might never happen for me.. I'm trying to have a new start, and all I could think about while he was touching me was "I can't let him rape me, I have to escape, he can't be my first, I want to be with ...." but I can't even talk about this with the man I like.. he has his own problems right now, and I know he wouldn't be able to support me the way I need him to..