hmm. While i was growing up a family friend had been molesting me. He didnt physicly force me to do anything, but he made threats. I never told a soul, then i made a xanga explicitly explaining everything terrible that had hapenend in my life, and my parents found it. They called me a liar, and said that I would have told someone about it. Well that person when my family was visiting. he would take me into a back room, or even a closet. No one ever caught us suprisingly. Now that i think of it, that could have alot to do with my warped reality.. ages 5-11 are crucial years. my view on sex is very twisted. I don't enjoy anything usual guys would, I dont like "bj"s or flat out sex at all.. if fact i hate it.. but I'd give my life to make my girlfriend feel good.. maybe thats because of what hapenend earlier in my life?.. Well if I never can enjoy a healthy marriage with sex and such then im going to be VERY angry. Something else thats wierd is alot of people would consider me "gay". I sit in my girlfriends lap alot, and lay my head against her. Alot of people say things like "its like shes the guy and your the girl".. i remmeber one day at her house i layed my face against her and cried.. = \ I felt better after that than i had in years. At night i sleep hugging a pillow, and if i can't be hugging a pillow imagining it as her i can't sleep at all. I guess im extremely insecure = \ Well that sick guy who did that to me. heh. he moved away. thats the only way he stopped doing it to me. otherwise he woulda kept it up. I refuse to bring it up again cause my mom says if its real, then i would press charges. if they don't believe me then obviously I've lost they're trust somewhere along the road. blah. I hate molesters. I hate them. I watched that report on the molester who locked himself in that school with those girls and got pissed. I strongly believe all molesters after commiting the crime of molestation should be put to death.