I was molested, there I said it

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by BlackKitty, Nov 5, 2013.

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  1. BlackKitty

    BlackKitty Active Member

    I'm 29 years old and my family still has no clue that from the time I was 6-11 I was repeatedly molested by one of my father's "friends". He molested my sister too, but she told both of my parents when she was 15. It turned out he had molested a bunch of girls and he is now in jail for it. I was 13 at the time when the trial happened and he went to jail. At that time, I was scared to death of telling my parents and to testify in trial. I only told two of my friends at the time, what happened to me, I haven't told anyone since. I'm afraid if I tell my family now they won't want to speak to me again, so I keep it a secret, just like I did when I was a kid.
    I think this whole experience has to do with my depression now. Thoughts????
  2. sweetwhisper

    sweetwhisper Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry you had to go through that BlackKitty :( I applaud you for having the courage to say it out loud, it takes a lot and is the first step! The good thing is that he is now in jail where he belongs and can't hurt you anymore, but unfortunately I know emotionally the pain is still there ..if your parents were supportive when your sister told them, wouldn't it be likely for them to be supportive of you also? If you can't talk to them then it's ok, but talking to a therapist or counsellor could be really helpful! They won't judge you and can help you find ways to deal with what happened and with your depression. Bottling it up is unhealthy, we are all here to help as well and we can understand the pain you feel (I get it, I really do) but talking to a professional could help you take some steps forward. If finance is an issue then there are free services available, if not then try a private therapist. Hope this helps, good luck and keep strong, you have come this far already :)
  3. MyJourney

    MyJourney New Member

    BlackKitty, Your story sounds so familiar to me, because I too was sexually abuse by my grandfather @ the age of 5-12. He too sexually abused my sister and cousin. Oh, I'm sure there were many more victims. I keep it a secret for 21 years until Aug 16, 1986 when it decided to manifest and the reality caused me to have a nervous breakdown. It was my mothers father (which the family put him on a pedestal) she & the rest of my family turned against me and was in denial for many years until his death. At that time I was hospitalized for 3 months, which was only the beginning of my journey thru hell. I went from being a mother of two beautiful children, to a basket case. I was diagnosed with a mental illness that forever changed my life. My life was hospitals, medications, therapy, suicidal attempts, depressions, every type of emotion one could feel having to experience abuse at a young age. For many years I felt death was my ultimate peace. Therapy does help, talking about it and not blaming yourself or feeling ashamed of yourself helps as well. Telling your mother at this point should not make any difference, especially since your sister has already told her. She may react to you in a positive way, hopefully be supportive and help you through the painful process you are going through now. I would recommend finding a Women's Abuse Support Group to go to, or keep coming back here. I do know that it takes a lot of courage and hard work to get through the pain, which does lesson over time. I use to journal a lot which was very helpful too. Depression is a very tough illness to get through. To this day, I still suffer with depression & suicidal attempts. I am now 57 years old and wish the pain would just go away. I am tired of hurting or feeling. I do know that life can get better with the proper intervention. Today I have a good support system that I can reach out to 24 hours daily. As of last week I was contemplating suicide, but instead I made a phone call and removed myself from my home (where I live alone) and brought myself to a place where I can be safe until I feel safe to return back home. If you want I could use my resources here, to see about what resources might be available in your area. I here for you, hope I have been helpful. Lastly, be good to yourself and seek help. I does get better. I will keep you in my prayers.
  4. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    I am so sorry you were abused BlackKitty, I know the pain also of dealing with the memories and guilt, I think it could have lots to do with your depression, holding it in dealing with it on your own, but it is good you got it out, talking to your mom or a womens support group , just like what others suggested is a good idea. it was not your fault it happened, you are not a bad person, know you are cared for.
  5. BlackKitty

    BlackKitty Active Member

    Thank you for all of your words of encouragement. I have never even told this to a therapist before either. I never thought of looking up for a Woman's Abuse Support group, for the longest time, I didn't want to admit I was a victim.
    Thank you MyJourney for your advice and keeping me in your prayers, I will pray for the rest of you too.
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Hey Blackkitty

    Took me 16 yrs+ to admit some arsehole manipulated me and my fmily friends and abuse me.I never got justice fcked my head and my daughter hasm gone through this shit her cousin sickens me but we all need too stand up tooo this shit

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