I was once ‘normal’

[Hopeiseverything]

Hi....just need to vent and maybe ask if this can describe anyone else. I am 62. My childhood had its ups and downs as I was the fat, chubby kid with the glasses and curly hair. My family wasn’t always nice to me. However, I recovered. Moved out, married a great guy, have 2 fabulous kids, a grandchild, a paid off house, money, was an award winning professional in my field,, etc. I was traumatized 3 years about 10 days before my son‘s wedding
This destroyed me and I have been struggling ever since. Psychiatrists, therapists, medications, etc. I also have an autoimmune disease that is disfiguring.
Bottom line...I was never mentally ill before this all began. Medications will not solve the self hate I have for myself. I am in intense therapy but nobody can make me like me but me. I am considering hospitalization at some point but of course my dr wants to try another med and more therapy before that happens. Realistically, what will hospitalization do? I feel doomed and if not for the love I have for my family I would be gone.

When you have known normalcy for the majority of your life I think this battle is much harder as I am not used to it. I did grow up with it though as my grandmother became mentally ill after witnessing her adult son die. I was not going to be like her but here I am.

Anyone else a late bloomer to mental illness? Just curious. Thank you kind people.

 

[Anonymous ID]

I had it all going for me at one point as well but it was all ruined by the onset of bipolar and then worsened with traumas. The first time I went to hospital I had so many friends visit me, now I have none. I used to be fit and have so much going on. Now I'm fat and struggle to leave the house

 

[Hopeiseverything]

I had it all going for me at one point as well but it was all ruined by the onset of bipolar and then worsened with traumas. The first time I went to hospital I had so many friends visit me, now I have none. I used to be fit and have so much going on. Now I'm fat and struggle to leave the house

I am sorry. I can relate. I was once in great shape also...swimming, jogging, etc. Now I am as they say a lump on a log with no desire to do anything.
May I ask how old you were

 

[Anonymous ID]

I

I am sorry. I can relate. I was once in great shape also...swimming, jogging, etc. Now I am as they say a lump on a log with no desire to do anything.
May I ask how old you were

I would have been about 21 years old when I became bipolar

 

[Hopeiseverything]

I
I would have been about 21 years old when I became bipolar

So how many years have you been suffering?
what keeps you going now?
I am so close to the end but my family would be devastated so I am holding on.

 

[Paulw3pain]

From what I have read, hospitalization is awful. I hope you have the money for it. You will not get much sleep as there is usually a roommate that you won't be comfortable with and noises that keep you up. There is very littler freedom to do much on your own. I would try it if I could afford it, honestly, but I can't. So I keep on trying to eek out every day. Maybe the discomfort in hospitalization will bring about a comfortableness in yourself. That's what I would hope for anyway.