I was once a girl

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lost_child, Aug 21, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I was once a girl,
    Born into a world
    A world of hate
    Of lies
    And mistrust

    I was once a girl
    Whose need was love
    A mother, a father
    2 white doves

    I was once a girl
    Who would play with her dolls
    Would wear that dress
    And do her best

    I was once a girl
    Who tried to impress
    Be what they wanted
    So she didn’t feel unwanted

    I was once a girl
    Who was very violent
    Needed to be tamed
    And not blamed

    I was once a girl
    Who was left on the side
    Nobody around to help guide
    So alone at night she cried

    I was once a girl
    Who stood tall
    didn’t tell a soul
    about those nite calls

    I was once a girl
    Who would scream and shout
    Always running about
    No1 heard, she wanted out.

    I was once a girl
    Who didn’t have the words to explain
    The vocabulary she couldn’t obtain
    Why she inside she was in so much pain

    I was once a girl
    Who is now an adult,
    Still can’t explain
    Just feels insane

    I am now an adult
    And the pain still remains
    I’m still wrapped up in those chains
    And in this empty hole…I am still that girl
     
  2. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I was a child

    A child.....that's what I was.
    A child.....that's what she was
    A child.....who should of been playing
    A child.....who should have been allowed to do her homework
    A child.....who shouldn't have to bang her to sleep
    A child.....who shouldnt have felt the pain she did
    A child......her body to young for the things that happened.
    A child......her hands, should of being playing with sand, not something she didn't understand.
    A child......her mouth was for eating, not for someone to get pleasure from
    A child......her voice should have been loud,not silenced.
    A child......should of been allowed to be a child, not a women in a child's body.
    A child......that is still trapped inside and unable to let go.
    A child......is how I now respond to situtations.
    A child......I should of been allowed to grow, and mature.
    A child.......you stopped from growing, u trapped, and killed.

    Now I'm an adult, I still live with the pain, the memories. I sleep and ur in my thoughts, I wake and still in my thoughts. I walk down the street and your there with me. I live with you always in my mind. I'm never at peace with myself, let alone the world. All the time I walk around this earth, I'm not at peace. I'm fearful of people. I scared of being raped again, I'm scared of being attacked again. I'm scared of loving, I'm scared of being loved, I'm scared of life. All the hopes and dreams I once had, have all disappeard, hopes and dreams give broken hearts. I'm scared. I don't want to live anymore. I need a reason to live, that reason can't be for me as I don't like me and yet there are no reasons to live. Life has one outcome death, why prolong, why live this life of misery.
     
  3. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    Re: I was a child

    hun! that poem spoke out to me, and it's such a expressive poem!! :hug:
     
  4. Cat2007

    Cat2007 Member

    Does anyone ever think of getting revenge? I am plagued with obsessive thoughts of revenge. Impossible, since I can't find him and don't know where he lives/works/anything, but in dreams I trap him and make him pay. I guess that's bad, but it's been 9 years and I still dream of vengeance.
     
  5. Mya

    Mya Well-Known Member

    Thank you for this...its me...im in the violent stage...and im scared...
     
  6. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I sometimes think of getting revenge and then I feel guilty for thinking such thoughts and turn the anger towards myself....

    My counsellor once advised me that it is possible to get revenge without causing physical pain to anyone including urself... She said, that in your mind, or even in writing, keep going over what you would do, what you would say and keep doing it until you feel u have got control back and some revenge.

    Ivy, I'm sorry ur feeling scared ~ anger is the backbone to many feelings, get angry and mad at the person/s that hurt you and not urself. I still get violent towards people that don't deserve, I guess because I can't towards the people I want to..

    I hope ur ok?

    lost x
     
  7. Mya

    Mya Well-Known Member

    ill be ok...i hope...just take it one day at a time...but that seems so damn slow...i thretend to stab a little kid yesterday because he was looking at me...i even got out my knife...what would have happend if i didnt get controll? could i have actually hurt him?

    Lost_Child, i copied down your poem in my note book...your a grate writer...i hope to see more of your work...it really helps... :unsure:
     
  8. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Damaged goods can't be repaired,
    I've tried my best, but no1 cared
    I accepted the fight was too much
    but every1 ran and left me untouched.

    I tried to explain how I was feeling
    I so much wanted to start healing
    but then the fight became to tough
    I surrender I've had enough.

    Its one thing after another
    no1 cares not even my mother
    no place in any1's heart will I be
    so now I have to go and be free.

    I only ever wanted love and care
    Acceptance, part of some1's live to share
    material stuff doesn't intrest me
    I only ever wanted to be free.

    They feelins towards me have been made clear
    so its best if I just disappear.
    they won't notice or even care
    infact to them I'm beyound repair.

    So I surrender to the pain
    I quit from this game
    I won't try to repair
    cause I no longer care.
     
  9. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    naked girl layin on the bed
    he tells me he loves me
    as I lay shivering and cold
    naked and broke
    twisted and turned
    shaped and posed
    hold that look
    don't dare move
    look in he's eye's
    he so pleased with me
    he loves me
    he smiles.
    my heart jumps a beat
    he really does love me
    this is love
    we are a team
    he holds me
    he cuddles me
    he loves me
    we have sex
    we kiss
    we cuddle
    we play
    we laugh
    never did I think it was wrong
    never did i think it was bad
    not once did i say no
    its not abuse, it was love.
    it hurt but nothing i'd not felt before
    i would bleed, but i had before
    he never meant to hurt me
    he just wanted to care for me.
     
  10. gmoney

    gmoney New Member

    wow..i've never written on a forum but am a vivid reader...and wow as i read this i cried...it spoke out to me thank u for sharing this on SF
     
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