I was once young and suicidal....now that I'm 50, life couldn't be better

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by stormfront, Jun 8, 2013.

  1. stormfront

    stormfront Member

    Hopefully this posts find some of you - those who are younger than me, thinking life only gets worse and is nothing but shit later on.

    I was in your boat. Trust me, things were much worse back in my day - the bullying I went through in school, hell, even the teachers laughed at me. Parents fighting all the time, eventually splitting up, having to live with my mother in a real ghetto part of town. So, not only was I bullied at school, the neighborhood frightened me. I had no goals, no mentor, I lived each day as it came. I had no video games, nothing to entertain myself. I would often walk around at night hoping someone would either kill me, or there were times I'd walk over this particular bridge and just jump. I mean, what did I have to offer society anyway? I did ask this girl out in high school, only to have her laugh in my face, like, "are you SERIOUS? Me with YOU??" And then having to face her every freaking day in English class.

    Once out of high school, things didn't change. I just sat around and did nothing. One day my niece told me the McDonalds she was working at was hiring and she'd put in a good word for me. I figured why not, I have no money anyway, what harm would it do? So I started working with her, she introduced me to her friends, coworkers, and I started off like one day a week. Eventually I started working full time and actually made some money.

    My social skills were still awkward but one day the entire crew was going out bowling and I was invited. I didn't want to go at all, but forced myself and ironically had a good time. I met a girl, her name was Colleen, who was a friend of someone there. She was just as socially awkward as I was, so it was a good fit. We dated a bit, but it didn't have a happy ending; she actually liked the manager instead. But that was the beginning of my change.

    I had saved enough money to go to school. I knew I wasn't cut out for college, only trade school. Turned out I have a knack for fixing things and became a mechanic. Right out of school I was hired by a company and stayed there for a few years, working my way up. As time went on, I worked towards bigger and better goals. I met a customer who I eventually started dating and fell immediately in love with. Within a year, we were engaged. Here I am, 23, engaged, money in the bank, life couldn't be better.

    Until I found out she was cheating on me. Nothing sucks worse than surprising your girl, only to be surprised yourself by what you're walking into. I had visions of suicide again, wanting to kill myself, and seriously planned it on several occasions. I thought I had it all. I was going to drive my car full speed right into a wall. I think the vision of my parents crying over my funeral was the only thing that kept me alive.

    A couple of weeks later, still in my deep, dark depression, I ran into another customer. She walked in the door and every man's jaw dropped. Tall, leggy blonde, bright green eyes that hypnotized everyone. Well, except me, since I was in my post relationship suicidal haze. She was a return customer, who I eventually got to know. After a while, I mustered up the courage to ask her out, totally figuring she's either married or in a relationship. Well, she WAS in a relationship but would still like to go out. So we started dating - her current relationship fizzled and we started becoming serious. That was then I told her of the engagement and eventual break up, so I need to just be careful. Luckily she understood.

    Our dating history was spotty due to my hangups about the prior one - we had actually broken up a few times due to my trust issues - and we did date others. But somehow we always wound up back together.

    I tell you all this story because of now. Our oldest child graduated college with a medical degree. Yes, we got married, bought a house and had kids. I look at how I grew up and vowed never repeat the mistakes my parents made (alcoholism, other issues). The green eyed beauty is still the most beautiful woman in the world (next to my daughters, of course). We are soulmates to this day. Oh yeah, we had problems early on in the marriage and even talked separation, but we managed to work through it and couldn't be more in love.

    I still do have suicidal thoughts - I think mostly caused by stress - but luckily with good therapy and support, I get through it. I have to now, its my duty to my family to make it through. And I do. When my daughter pulled me aside at graduation and said, "there is NO way I could've done this without you, dad", I realized all the mental shit I go through IS worth it.

    I hope this post means something to kids who think life sucks at the moment. I know its cliche, but if I could do it, anyone can.

    S
     
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Thank you for sharing this. I cannot agree with you more.
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Thanks for sharing
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Wow hun good for you for not giving up hun thanks for sharing your story
     
  5. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    very good story. Very cheerful. Very optimistic. Very inspiring.
     
  6. paulhewson

    paulhewson Well-Known Member

    Great post!
     
  7. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    thanks for sharing
     
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Thanks for sharing...maybe you can also spend some time guiding others who are on the journey you were on...it is a way to find more satisfaction in your life
     
  9. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    What an inspirational post!!!! I applaud your courage to help. Old habits do die hard my friend but they do die!! I am dealing with habitually turning to anger when I get stress. It's a process to break a habit. Glad you got the girl amd the life. With kids in college to boot! What a way to learn and grow. Thank you for sharing. Blessings...