i was predictable

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by Azul, Aug 13, 2007.

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  1. Azul

    Azul Well-Known Member

    I was predictable, distant
    Still I was your friend
    I loved your sharp contours
    Your pale face and your thin wrists
    I loved your girlfriend too
    What an emptiness you left behind in my heart
    You didn’t even get to be twenty one
    I calculated the situation
    My eyes turned red
    I took a deep breath
    I couldn’t let go
    Loss is never fully experienced
    The ghost of what is lost that remains
    Six years passed by before I could breathe with ease again
    I was smoking cigarettes, free and bored, hadn't changed a bit
    I was living with a loveless woman
    One day a drip of blood fell over my files
    I looked up to see where it came from
    There you appeared, in the form of an angel
    You were different, and yet the same
    The same fire, the same dark eyes
    This time tense, with boiling blood
    People said I gave up too much in those days
    But to me it felt like simply trying on a new coat
    What I did for you is nothing compared to what you did for me

    I was starting to get old, and wealthy too
    The third time that I met you was my favourite time
    You told me you were a lesbian now, but you were more desirable than ever
    I knew what would come, so I just decided to enjoy the few times I was allowed near your light
    (Not anyone is allowed to see it
    It reveals itself after absurdly long periods of boredom and turns even the most fearless into a dread ridden corpse)
    I know that if I was to see you shine again
    Little by little a sweet poison would fill my veins
    I had to wait a long long time goddammit
    Now that light, slowing me down, coming from afar, shines over all of my days
    One crystal in an otherwise soulless universe
    Takes ten thousand years for that star to die
    O, who is to live in your presence a whole lifetime long
    Who gets to taste that shining black
    Cherish it I beg you
    Leave me the rope and the blade
    Leave me these bloody words
    And look well into what you see
    Light years of love
    From tomorrow, back to yesterday or vice versa
    But I know it’s not like that
    Everyone who gets to share
    Her limited years of life
    Is blind and knows nothing

    I had my own place on the grass field
    I could answer all those stupid questions the children asked me but I kept quiet
    At this moment your death brought me comfort
    So, during my last days, I rushed to the place where it had practically all begun
    The city of sweet knife stabs, more distant now
    Further away, unreal, skipping days, incoherent
    Exhaling, shadows between the buildings, on the terraces, like a fog hiding from the sun
    The people over there didn’t see their hands were empty
    They were still trying to sell me their goods
    «*They are no friends, no lovers*», I thought, carrying in my heart something vicious
    How cold it was
    The red worm had left nothing of my common sense
    «*I remember a smile
    But now I am alone
    As far as I can see*»
     
  2. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    Azul,
    This poem is deep and emotional. It is also very powerful. I love the way that you worded it. I am here if you want to talk. Take care and I love you. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss


    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss
     
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