I was so far away from all this

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Aug 23, 2011.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    And now I'm back.

    Why won't I ever be normal?

    I was actually managing to keep my head above water. I tried to do all the normal things. Get a job, get a boyfriend, have friends, socialise etc. etc.

    It's all so fucking futile. None of it works.

    We all go back to square one eventually. And here I am.
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I want to send you a warm welcome along with hugs. :hug:

    I know this place is not where you wanted to come back to, but now that you're here I hope we treat you well. Take care.
     
  3. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Mmmmmm, im back too.
    Tell me Alice...........what is normality?
    Square one seems a good place to start to me, over forty years on i keep sliding down that snake and having to roll again, those damn ladders........they have sneaky broken rungs...........just as you think you has a good foothold, it bloody snaps!
    I have decided to leave girlfriend ladder alone, if one appears with solid wood, then i may climb on, but i think i need to learn to climb properly as methinks its not their ladder but my feet instead.
    The job ladder is an interesting one, its as short or as long as its owner, thankfully none of us need have one as it makes no difference anyway, as long as you have the dice and the desire to roll them, no need to climb to advance in the game.
    Now those friends ladders............. or are they snakes too sometimes?
    Dunno about you.............. but i only seem to be able to see them when my own ladder is in a good state of repair, seems to me thats when they want to see me.
    Maybe its because nice, healthy ladders are more attractive?
    Anyway, its a new day, going to go and roll some dice, maybe see you on square one sometime another day? Least there will be the next day to have another go.
    Best wishes, stay safe and strong.
     
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey there Alice!

    Bloody boyfriends eh? Barely much use when you do find one - more like an annoying TV channel changer - or crying about football!

    Flowers at first - then you realise you wish he'd bring roses so you can shove them were the sun does not shine.

    I've never had a boyfriend - no way! But - sure, I'm a man, and the thought of holding hands with some other whining so and so - I'd strangle him for sure!

    I thank God I'm not gay - I mean - how do gay men actually tolerate other men? lol

    Anyhow - try not to see your life as a series of goals that you need to have right now. Don't be disappointed just because you had a job, boyfriend and whatever - maybe they were not the right ones - and the LAST thing you or anyone else with depression needs is the wrong lover!

    The wrong job - you can get by with that - but relationships are a more personal thing and with depression its vital we get that right. However, depressed or no its usual for most people to take a while and a few partners before we settle down.

    So - be thankful you at least had someone who must have cared about you or found you attractive. That will happen again but there is no rush.

    Sorry to hear depression has hit you again! It happens though - I'm currently not exactly jumping for joy at the world and its wonders - but I've had depression long enough to know it has its phases and cycles. Something new always comes up - someone new - and as for socialising, its not easy to do if out of work.

    Plus with a relationship you often have another social circle to play in - and when things break up its kind of awkward to turn up at the pub he drinks at and so on. So maybe you are just fed up at that - and should not get too despondent over friends because you seem fairly intelligent and bright so would make a good friend.

    With depression we need people to talk to and relate to. Its hard to that in normal social circles so at least you got this forum and can at least find people who will accept you for who you are and who are actually glad you have depression as it means we might even talk to you!

    Well - its nice to meet people who want to die - in a strange way granted!

    Anyhow - hope some of this has cheered you up - try not to get so down on yourself about changes in life - and I'm out of work so just have to look to train to do something else - and earn whatever I can from a number of skills I already have.

    You got to manage time to some extent - the dole in the UK can be a challenge in itself - so maybe you ought to take a break for a while go on the sickness benefits or something - maybe look at some courses also when your on top of things a little more.

    Times are hard - but we can still find some things to do with ourselves and you should still at least hope that things get better!

    I'm sure they will!

    But I know how it feels to be sure they won't!

    So - have a nice day anyway - looks rainy in England - its off to the shops for me in a short while - a man shopping - the shame! Well - better than working eh?? lol

    Well for the time being perhaps.
     
  5. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Keep your head up, just another bump in the road, youll get back to being good soon.
     
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Alice...glad you thought to come back...we all fall off the wagon, but you thought to come here and get support...like yourself, I have been in a constant battle to live my life, and I do so, sometimes, much better than other times...please continue to let us know how you are doing...welcome back, J
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    It is only futile if we give up. You sound like you were succeeding.... What happened?
     
  8. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your replies everybody. I forgot how helpful it can be here and I actually feel so much better now, just for reading all of your replies.

    I did feel at the end of my tether and ready to give up again. But I feel like I will try taking one day and at a time and stick around for a bit.

    It just felt like I was doing everything my counsellor told me to, and then bam! It all broke into a million little pieces again. Sometimes it just feels so pointless to even try.
     
  9. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Whoa... I wish I had seen this sooner. Welcome back if you are still around.... Its been a long time.
     
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