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I was supposed to be married in June......

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Baggy, Apr 12, 2016.

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  1. Baggy

    Baggy New Member

    ....but my fiancé to be walked out the door a week ago last Thursday and took all his things - he's living at a neighbors house with his things in storage.

    I have no idea why he left.

    I have bipolar disorder and have been mood unstable for some time - it was only a matter of time before some event threw me over the edge. So I overdosed <mod edit - methods>. I spent 3 days last week in ICU while they cleaned my system of <methods> and then a further 3 days in the psychiatric facility.

    I still want to die. I'm so lost, confused and bewildered by all of this. I don't know why he left. There was no warning, no hint.....nothing. He just left me.

    I've been cancelling all the wedding and honeymoon arrangements....well....trying, as best I can. But much of it I can't get my money back on...it's all a waste.....like my life. I'm just disposable....sooner or later, people just kick me to the curb.

    I don't see anything beyond tomorrow, except hopelessness and more misery.

    I'm so desperate and confused.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 12, 2016
  2. Ur friend :)

    Ur friend :) Member

    Hey, I'm here for you. It's his loss for leaving you hunny, don't forget that! Please no matter how bad things get, don't hurt yourself. Nobody deserves to be treated that sh*tty and I'm sorry it happened to you, I know it's got to be devestating and I would have no idea what you're going through but I know you can have the strength to pull through this just please love yourself.
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome @Baggy to the forum. *hugs* I'm sorry that your fiance walked out. What about counselling for your relationship?
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Baggy. I'm so sorry to hear about all that you've been going through. *hug*

    It's perfectly understandable that you're feeling very sad and confused, especially if he hasn't explained himself. Could you speak with him directly and ask what is going on? (You said that he moved out and didn't explain. I don't know if you tried to ask him already. I don't mean to upset you further if you have tried.)

    People deserve to be with someone who loves them. I think you deserve that. If this man was able to just flip his intentions like that, perhaps he's not the reliable, grown-up person he made himself out to be.

    You are a worthwhile person. You are not disposable. He is treating you badly, and the way he is acting says more about his bad character than it says about you. You are the one caught off guard by his actions.

    Yes, backtracking on this hoped-for event and cancelling things sounds hard. But bit by bit you will get it done. Did he contribute to the plans? Maybe, since he walked away, he owes you so you are not left with things that you can't get your money back on. And he could also help you out since this was his sudden decision.

    Please, hold on, get through the first waves of sadness. Give yourself time to grieve - it will take some time - and please, don't hurt yourself. You are worth having in the world! Let us know how you're doing.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm so sorry for what happened. *hug* Just want you to know people care and will be here to listen.
  6. Baggy

    Baggy New Member

    My heart is broken. We were together for 9 years.....and then this.

    I haven't been able to ask him why as I've been too paralyzed with fear that it would make things worse. A mutual friend has offered to counsel us, but I fear that she's not qualified, experienced or able to be impartial and objective here as she was a childhood friend to him....I've only known here a couple of years, despite the fact she says she will be impartial.

    Now he's pretty much stopped communicating anyway. Like he's just switched off our relationship and not even looking back. It's so aggressive and unlike him.

    I just don't understand why....all I understand is that I have little control and what there is of that is in my ability to remove myself from this situation....by whatever means :-(

    I'm so lost..............
  7. Ur friend :)

    Ur friend :) Member

    A similar thing happened with my mom and her boyfriend. His mom had recently passed away and he lost it. Broke up with her, wouldn't talk to her or anything. She was devastated. Time passed and he realized it was wrong and he loved her, and came back. Had something traumatizing happen recently?
    I also feel like you should find out why he did it, whether you have to ask him or someone else does. give it time if you need and grieve, but I think you deserve to know why he left.
  8. Baggy

    Baggy New Member

    Nothing traumatizing has happened - that I know of.....who knows....this has all become so cloak and dagger with some people knowing some things and others (me) knowing nothing. I don't know who to trust anymore and it's all a hostile environment to be in.

    I hope he comes back. I'd welcome him with loving arms in heartbeat, but I'd have to consider carefully the reason that he left in the first place.

    Based on the extreme reaction to just 'up and leave'.....I'd say he's in the driving seat here and I have no control or influence, no matter what I want or hope for. I expect that I'll never know the reason he left.
  9. Ur friend :)

    Ur friend :) Member

    Had you two been fighting recently?

    From what you have told me I'm convinced that he will come back. I can't promise anything, I just feel like you can't go from being in love to abandoning the person you were with for 9 years. It just doesn't make sense. I still feel like you should find out why he did this (if you don't want to communicate with him about it that's totally fine). Please stay strong, for me, for your friends, for your family. Right now, friends and family are probably going to be one of the best ways to find comfort. Talking to them may help a lot to cope with this. Just remember they love you and need you.
    Baggy likes this.
  10. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry to hear what happened to you hun.

    I think you absolutely need to know why he left, maybe it is only temporary and he just needed some time to clear his head?
    I know you are going through hell right now, but not knowing is making it so much worse for you. Could you let your friend be there to counsel you both so you can know the truth?

    I respect (and know I am on your side here) but it can be very tough when the person you love is suicidal, so maybe a break was all he needed? I am sure he still cares about you.

    Please be careful and take care of yourself. You deserve to be kind to you
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi baggy,

    Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for the situation you are currently in, that must be devastating to you. I hope things improve soon, time does heal emotional wounds, break-ups are always hard. I really hope you can get through this, it would be great if you could see a counsellor. I'm always around if you need a chat or just a rant (hugs)
  12. Baggy

    Baggy New Member

    Well, things just get worse. Now new accounts and address changes are appearing on my credit report. I'm locked out of some of our accounts that are jointly owned. I can't do this anymore.....I just can't.
  13. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Baggy, I know this whole thing is difficult. Contact your credit rating service as well and find out how he managed to make this changes without your knowledge and consent. Also, contact a lawyer. A lawyer is a good place to start if your (ex-) fiance is going messing with your joint assets.

    Please don't give up and give in. If the relationship is irreparably broken, at least get what you are entitled to from the "joint" accounts you held. Thinking of you and wishing you strength and courage. You can get through this! *hug*
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