I was thinking about telling my parents

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by twilight, Sep 13, 2006.

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  1. twilight

    twilight Well-Known Member

    I was thinking about telling my parents that I need therapy. Just typing that freaks me out a little. I probably won't do it. I don't have any courage. Mostly, I just feel like an idiot. Like I am just willingly sitting here watching my pathetic life go by while everyone else is perfect and having a great time. Right now, I am in my college dorm. I thought that going to college would somehow magically change things. As if overnight I could become a friendly, kind person that everyone wants to be around. What a fool I was to think that! :sad: I haven't really made any friends except maybe one person. But its not like I see him everyday. He just comes in to visit my roommate anyway. I just happen to be there. I can't tell you why it is hard for me to make friends. I just get this panicky feeling whenever I am around people. I am so afraid to make a wrong move that most of the time I don't even bother the time. It is hard to explain but it is like I want to be around people but at the same time I don't. I don't really have the motivation to do anything including my homework. I just wish I would fall asleep and not wake up and every morning that I don't is a huge disappointment. So thanks for reading his sad post but I just felt like telling someone how I feel.
  2. Crom Cruach

    Crom Cruach Active Member

    I know exactly how you feel, there's no way I want my parents finding out. I hide my meds and do everything I can to make sure they know nothing about how I'm feeling, I just couldn't look at them if I knew they knew about me going to see doctors and all that. I love my parents, they're great, but I've never felt a real connection with anyone in my family, there's no one there I can confide in.

    Same here. On the one hand I wan someone to give me a hug and make everything Ok and at the same time I just wish the ground would open and swallow me uo and end everything.

    If you don't feel comfortable going to your parents then don't, just go to your doctor without them knowing.
  3. twilight

    twilight Well-Known Member

    My parents are pretty selfish so they probably wouldn't understand. They didn't even want me to get braces when the dentist recommended it. That was a very hurtful thing for them to do to me. It's not like they are dirt poor. If they tried hard enough they could have afforded it. The only way I could see a doctor would be if I could somehow get ahold of one of their insurance cards and I think it covers psychological except for 10%. I wouldn't want them to bill my parents obviously so I don't know how that would work. I do have some money that I could pay for the 10% myself but I don't know about the whole bill. I don't really feel like talking about my parents much though.

    Do you think that it is easy for other people to see that you're depressed? That is what I worry about the most. I would guess that if someone could tell how depressed I feel, it would make them feel bad. I don't know how easy it is to tell but it does make me feel guilty to think that i am just going around causing people to feel bad.

    I think that something has to change soon because I have been living with this for too long and I am sorry for anyone else that feels the same way.
  4. painsource

    painsource Well-Known Member

    You can probably find a free mental health place where you live.I found one where I live.They charge me $30 a year w/free medication!Then no one would have to know.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2006
  5. Jenova

    Jenova Well-Known Member

    I think it's horrible that people feel they need to hide their depression or other mental illness. There really is a stigma attatched and it prevents people from getting the help they need. Not to mention that some people just can't understand.

    Good luck,

  6. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    My feelings came out in an argument about something totally different. It took years too, and at the time I didn't expect it to ever happen. But life is much better now I did, and I don't know where I would be today if I never got the help I needed. But I learned that the emotion was so powerful that it sort of burst out of me like an explosion. If you try to keep it hidden, it just gets stronger until it bursts.
    Good luck...
  7. Forget It

    Forget It Member

    Imagine if you will a process of adaptation to your situation. I went through a kind of mental transformation that turns depression over not having friends and from watching other people lead great social lives in to complete apathy. I used to be exactly like you on all accounts. I realized that while most people need strong social networks, I along with others, don't. I realized that I believed I needed to lead a social life like others around me and because I didn't, I was depressed and thought people could sense my imaginary "weirdness" and that was the reason I didn't have friends. Over the years, I discovered it's not me: It's them. They bore me and I'd rather be by myself rather than be around them. Eventually, you'll get over these harsh self-judgements. Once you realize that it's people that make you turn away, you won't have self-doubts because you won't care if they become your friends or not. This is how I am now and it feels great. If I make a friend cool: If I don't, it's not my problem. I used to have social anxiety to the point where if I was comfortable speaking with a stranger (rare), I would feel anxiety if other people could overhear our conversation. Now, I can talk to anyone and not feel anxiety.

    Until then, people don't judge you as much as you think they do and they have illogical self-doubts. I bet you're quiet around other people because you're afraid of saying the wrong thing. They interpret this standoffish behavior as you not liking them and will not want to be around you. Just say whatever is on your mind, as long as it's not insulting to other people, and your interactions will be smoother and more rewarding.
  8. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Hey twilight, yeah, I'm in very much your same situation as I probably stated earlier. I also have no friends in college, everyone else is making them and in college you basically have to drink and make friends and socialize and all that shit. I'll be the one one not to do that. I keep hearing of others saying I'm not alone, that there's others like me out there but I can't help but feel like the only one.

    And yeah, I have to fake happiness to not depress my brother and family and my relatives and everyone else. I wish I could die right now. :sad:
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