I was this close to saying im sorry...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by I need help, Dec 4, 2009.

  1. I need help

    I need help Well-Known Member

    Had a fight with my bf-again.
    He's been promising me a romantic evening for ..ever (broke up 2 months ago and got back together)

    Currently he's been going on a diet...he's too much into it,he's become obsessed....and it both worries me and pisses me off cause i can't deal with him talking about weight loss ALL the time when i'm gaining weight (was too skinny,and kinda had too gain weight...i dont like it though)

    So anyway today we were chatting on msn and he was cancelling the picnic we were suppposed to make...so i got mad (he alwyas cancells our plans ) this time it was at the excuse of "its too cold for a picnic" he said we can eat out - i was telling him all day i dont wanna go to a restaurant.he just totally ignored it i guess.

    He keeps making me feel worthless..at some point i called him and started crying and telling him i feel like im nothing ,just a nobody and that i'm worthless..he said something like "come on..." and i kept going at it...saying how much i hate my life and want to just bang my head against the wall till i bleed ( i was that frustrated)...i was feeling like my entire life means nothing... felt like i was being suffocated......i asked him if he's not gonna respond to it...I don't even remember what he said..I dont think it was anything smart.
    he said he'll be here at 9 (that's in 20 minutes) ,that was after we fought some more...I wasnt sure he is gonna come.i wanted him to come.i want to feel like i am somebody.. that i'm cared for.

    I called him a few minutes ago.to make sure he's coming.
    I was that close to actually telling him I AM sorry..just so we dont fight.so things will be ok.
    I hate it.hate the way my life seems to go.

    I'm so sorry for just going on and on about it...I just had to get it out of my system.

    thank you if you actually read it.

    writing this helped a little.
    hope he's coming.
  2. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    Wow, I am really sorry that that happened to you again... But in all honesty, why are you sorry? He makes you feel all of these things and you are sorry? You deserve to be angry to blow up even and let it all out at him. He needs to know that he is taking you for granted and you won't take it. It is true that you don't know what you have until it's gone so maybe you need to threaten leaving him. Or maybe you should listen to your friends.

    On a side note, I'm glad you feel a little better getting it out.
  3. I need help

    I need help Well-Known Member

    i have threathen to leave him..and i have left....but a couple hours later wanted to get back together and then my life became Hell when he said he didnt think it was a good idea....
    a few weeks later we got back togher ..welll sort of....but a week or two later i broke up with him again(it wasnt working..he wansnt emotionaly there AT ALL)..this time he wanted to get back together and i agreed right away....i did threaten a lot of times before - always caved...
    I know he cares...he's just a little different in that way...I dont think he's lying when he says he loves me and wants to make me happy...i think there's something blocking him...the thing is i get hurt because of that....

    i sound so stupid, i know...haha! :dry:

    thanks for caring Dom :hug:..and yes...I do feel better...time has passed and i knew it would pass too...but it really hurt at the time....