• Please read the thread in Forum News and Announcements pertaining to race related discussion on SF - thank you :)

I was to die

#1
My name is Samara, and I’m currently 20 years old. I want to share my story because lately I feel like a total fuck up, and I wish I would just drop dead.
I struggled with depression for awhile, but this year really fucked me up. I feel like I really have no one to talk to. This year, my best friend snitched on me to her parents, who are very strict, about me drinking and smoking. Her dad told her to drop, and she did. She even insinuated that I’m not even worth fighting for. When I was going through my breakup, she told me she didn’t wanna deal with my shit. There’s more to the story that makes it even more fucked but it’s a long story. My ex ghosted me. I also got pregnant by someone who just couldn’t take no for an answer. Most recently, however, I was sexually assaulted by this guy I met at a party. I was found naked and unconscious by my friends, and I had to get a rape kit done the next day. What really broke me is a notice I got from my landlord about complaints received about me and my cousin. They wrote ppl complained about our smoking and partying. I take responsibility but I never got a complaint before but recently I have thrown parties that were louder than intended. My cousin hates me cuz she blames me for these parties. I used to live in a diff apartment but my parents canceled the rent without our permission cuz they found out I had sex. I wish I could just end my life right now, and I take like 3 or more Benadryl whenever I need to sleep. I don’t care if I drop dead anymore. I don’t care if I die <mod edit - method>. I just want it to be over. I want it to go away. I just want to never wake up
 
Last edited by a moderator:

sadhart

SF Supporter
#2
My name is Samara, and I’m currently 20 years old. I want to share my story because lately I feel like a total fuck up, and I wish I would just drop dead.
I struggled with depression for awhile, but this year really fucked me up. I feel like I really have no one to talk to. This year, my best friend snitched on me to her parents, who are very strict, about me drinking and smoking. Her dad told her to drop, and she did. She even insinuated that I’m not even worth fighting for. When I was going through my breakup, she told me she didn’t wanna deal with my shit. There’s more to the story that makes it even more fucked but it’s a long story. My ex ghosted me. I also got pregnant by someone who just couldn’t take no for an answer. Most recently, however, I was sexually assaulted by this guy I met at a party. I was found naked and unconscious by my friends, and I had to get a rape kit done the next day. What really broke me is a notice I got from my landlord about complaints received about me and my cousin. They wrote ppl complained about our smoking and partying. I take responsibility but I never got a complaint before but recently I have thrown parties that were louder than intended. My cousin hates me cuz she blames me for these parties. I used to live in a diff apartment but my parents canceled the rent without our permission cuz they found out I had sex. I wish I could just end my life right now, and I take like 3 or more Benadryl whenever I need to sleep. I don’t care if I drop dead anymore. I don’t care if I die <mod edit - method>. I just want it to be over. I want it to go away. I just want to never wake up
I'm sorry everything that you are going through. I feel hypocritical telling you that you shouldn't give up, but nevertheless you shouldn't. The fact the you owned up to your fault in the noise situation is good and sometimes we mess up. As for the other things, I am again sorry for the pain that was inflicted on you. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You deserve support for the pain caused on you. I know there are people here who can be supportive and possibly suggest ways to get through the pain you are experiencing. I'm sorry for not being more helpful. Please know you aren't alone though.
 
#3
I'm sorry that you you've gone through so much. When you have one thing after another happen like that, it's tough to get through it, especially if you have little or no support.

Maybe we can help you get through this

Sending safe hugs
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$0.00
Goal
$255.00
Top