I was told nothing ever comes easy, that the things we value the most are the things that we must work for the hardest. I, like all of you (at least I expect), value the ability to embrace happiness or joy. unfortunately anhedonia does not make this possible for the vast majority. the happiness we feel is extremely fleeting and often times lacking. it would seem this statement is more true that I had once previously thought. I am surrounded by stressors in the most literal sense. I moved from WA to IN for grad school I left a promising relationship a decent job a fairly large support circle of friends Here in indiana, I have a small knit of friends, precisely 3. near 5 grand in credit card debt due to school and climbing no job despite some of my best efforts family stress, of which I wish no part of but continue to be harassed and the inability to seek care for the time being. I am fairly certain this is spelling the end of my relationship I may not be able to transfer back to WA. I am stressed over school, my shitty family relations, my poor financial situation and my complete inability to climb my way out of this cesspool state. its like a leech on my life. I just want to watch it burn in the most metaphorical sense possible. it would amaze me for something to go right. but I guess like everything else that I enjoy I must work hard for it, only to have to give it up for something I value even more. it would seem the natural highs and lows of perseverance operate on a barter system. you must hand in something you cherish in order to find something new. at least that is the way my life has been working for the past 15 years.