I Was Used.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Epical Taylz, Jun 24, 2009.

  1. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    I havn't been on this thing in a while, I just need some help coping.

    I've heard that too many times, it's not fair.
    Shit happens, shit happens, yeah yeah, I get it by now. Shit happens, but why does it have to happen to me.

    I went out with a kid named Kurtis, it was a year and 2 months. He used me, wanna know how?
    The first time we went out, it was perfect, I'm not lying. It was one of those "Let's go see a movie then get icecream and walk around aimlessly" kinda dates. I thought kissing on the first date was moving things too quickly, so he kissed my hand. He was a gentleman to my dad, impressing my dad was the only way that i could see someone, and Kurtis did it, he impressed the unimpressible. He was it, our next date was two weeks later.
    Remember how I said that kissing on the first date was too fast? Wait until you hear this:
    My favorite food is spaghetti, when I went to Kurtis' house that night, that's what we had. I broke a plate with a fork, funny, right? I don't wanna say what happened, but it'll help me cope.
    We were sitting on his exercize machine listening to a song that reminded me of him *The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus : Face Down* and we kissed, two seconds later, we made out. It was the first time that either one of us made out with someone, so of course it was awkward. Then he touched me, not under the clothes, but over. I didn't know what was happening so I called my mom and told her to come and pick me up. I never told her what happened, and me and Kurtis never talked about how that bothered me.
    And I thought that kissing on the first date was too far, I never thought about the second. I was a newbie to everything, I didn't even know what getting felt up meant. Boy, I was about to learn everything.
    The next couple times we hung out, all that we did was make out and he would touch me. He never met my friends, my family, I never met his friends and I was a rude little bitch to his parents. His mom called me an ungreatful little bitch because I never prayed before I ate, I'm not very religious.
    We'll say about 2 months later, not even, he went under my shirt. I'm a girl with hormones, of course I liked it. I didn't know what was happening, I wouldn't let him look at me without a shirt on. I made him put a blanket over me, I wouldn't let him see me, I wouldn't stoop that low.
    Then he started touching me in the lower region of my body, over the clothes again, pressuring me to let him go under my clothes. I didn't know it was wrong, I liked it, I thought it was good. My mistake, right.
    Super Bowl Sunday he fingered me while he was watching the football game, he didn't even look at me, he didn't even care.
    I don't remember when, but we started fighting a lot after that. My best friend Jaysun told me to end it because it wasn't going to get better. He said that Kurtis was using me for sexual things, I didn't believe him. I should've.
    Then Kurtis started torturing me. He would get me horny and wouldn't do anything unless I touched him. It took me months before I wanted to, and he forced me. Every time he wanted it, he would force me to do it.
    Then he started eating me out and kissing my breasts. I don't even remember when it happened, I just remembered that I didn't want him looking at me so I would basically suffocate him with a blanket.
    Then he wanted sex. He pressured me, I never did it. Every time he pleasured me, he told me that it would be better if we had sex, that I would like it more. I almost said that I would, I couldn't deal with the pressure, but I never cracked.
    Then he wanted head, fricken asked my friend if she would give it to him, she said no, I dumped him after that. I was sick of the pressure and sick of everything.

    Now, I'm a fricken sex addict, and it's all his fault..

    But does it really need to happen to me?
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    First off, if this guys asking other girls for head I guess he was using you. BUt you said that you enjoyed it while it was happening so were you using him too, to experiment? You mentioned that your hormones were peaking and you seemed to be curious. I get the sense that you are young and will have plenty of time to find someone who isn't going to take advantage of you and that you will want to be with.

    Don't let this one situation dictate how you act with others. Now that you
    know what it's like maybe you can wait longer the next time to be sure that the guy is interested in you, not in the sex.
  3. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    i wasnt using him for experimentation, i didn't know what was happening.
    im 15 now, but im much more mature than i was when i was 14, when this all happened. maybe i did use him for experimentation, but he said that he was in love with me the whole time, i said i wasnt sure. he said that for someone to be in love, sexual things have to be involved and i desperately wanted to be in love with him because i didnt want to hurt him.
    he was someone random that i didnt even know.

    this situation helps me know where my standards are, and im going out with a wonderful guy right now who takes it slow with me because he knows what happened with my last relationship and he knows that my head isnt on so straight.
  4. christian_1990

    christian_1990 Well-Known Member

    advice: dont have sex yet...15 is too young
  5. That guy sounds like a sociopath — especially the charmer part. You shouldn't feel guilty or dumb: people like that even fool psychotherapists. It is good you got out, not only for the obvious reasons, but also because violence is a casual option in the mind of the sociopath, if they think they can get away with it.

    I don't know that you're a "sex addict" the way people mostly use this term — where there is an addiction like a drug addiction that must be satisfied, leading to compulsive, often anonymous sex.

    But you are hurt and your life has been affected by this, so consider talking with a therapist — if your school has a therapist, or a social worker, you might be able to get support in that way. If not, and if money is a problem, there are several ways you could receive free care. If you want help finding information about that, post again in this thread (or PM me) and I will give you a hand. There's no reason this jerk should keep looming over your life.

    Remember that you don't have to tell your parents why you want help if you don't want to. First of all, if you are seeing someone at school they may never know. If they do need to know —*well, there are a lot of reasons someone your age might want some help from a therapist, who has lots of experience with the troubles of modern teens.

    (By the way: if talking to your parents, or one of them, is an option, think about doing it. My experience is that sometimes mothers can help their daughters with their troubles in a unique way.)

    Finally: I think you have some good inner resources to draw on. For one thing, it's impressive that you have so much understanding about yourself and this situation.
  6. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    christian 1990: I plan on waiting until I find that "special someone", thats the reason why I didnt have it with him.

    This Is Life:
    Yeah, that's what I think that he is. He was never violent with me though, thank God, except one time when I was "hiding" from him under a blanket he ripped my arms away, that kinda hurt.
    I think that I am because ever since we broke up, I've masturbated basically everynight. I know that's a horrible thing for a 15 year old to do, but yeah that's what happened.
    I've talked to my therapist, but the bad thing is that I can't see him as much as I'd like to because I only have 20 visits to him per year and I think I've about used most of them up. Could you send me that information about getting free care?
    My parents found out because I was writing a note to a friend about it in school and one of the teachers conviscated it and called my parents because they were "concerned" that I was doing something like that even though it isn't their business if I did it or not.
    Talking to my mom was an option but she calls me a liar, so I really have nothing to say to her, and everything that I do or that happens to me is my own fault with her, so I'm kinda on a non-trusting basis with her.
    I've had a lot of time to think about what was going on, plus my best friend kinda told me what was happening and I should've listened to him from the start, so I'm really thankful that he told me what he did so that now I know what to look out for if I'm feeling like I'm being used again.
  7. Awesome insurance companies. Incidentally, the "Family Voices" organization in your state (in addition to helping you find free or low-cost care) might be able to help twist their arm to give you more.

    I'm going to write a fresh post below this with websites and so on. The way government and private groups work, almost everything is different by state. So I've linked to the state listings for most of organizations: you'll need to select your state to get to the actual resources.

    What you experienced certainly falls under the heading of "dating abuse" and it may also be considered to be "sexual abuse." (I'm not a professional, so I don't know quite how the lines are drawn.) The categories matter only because different services are available for each.

    It can all get complicated — we have this crazy-quilt of services and options and so on — but don't be discouraged, and be bold in asking. It's the only way!

    If you hit a wall, feel free to come back here and ask for a hand.

    Sorry about that. Now, some people have parents who are just impossible — I mean, abusive in different ways, addicted, psychologically disturbed, and so on. If your situation is in that direction, than obviously there may not be much you can do. On the other hand, lots of teenagers have rocky relationships with parents, so, if you think there's room for improvement, maybe there really is. I don't know anything about your family, so you should probably get a therapist's advice first; but one first step might be to write a letter about what's going on and how you feel. (Don't forget to take responsibility for stuff that actually is your fault. Parents really go for that. ;) )

    I'm glad you have friends who care for you.

    P.S. Oh, yeah — this:
    Well, that makes sense: it's just what Jesus would have done.

    Oh, no — wait ....
  8. Resources for free and low-cost counseling

    The order is my wild guess as to which will be most useful to you.

    • 2-1-1 Call Center Search. You may not need to go beyond this site. Many areas have a number (often 211) that you can call to get confidential referrals for different kinds of help, including counseling. This site tells you if your area has such a number, and what it is.
    • National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. They have a toll-free number and also peer-support through live chat. They should have some leads for you and some good advice in general.
    • Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline. This service offers information and referrals as part of its work. (Note, though, that the hotline seems to be focused on emergency cases. So, if you call, make sure to summarize your situation briefly and clearly so they can quickly determine if they'll be able to help you, and if you and they should speak at greater length.)
    • Mental Health America. Here you'll find links to their different state sites. There should be information, probably in a "Resources" section, about getting help with mental-health care. There should also be a main number you can call to get some assistance sorting the information out.
    • Network of Care. This provides state-by-state listings to link you up with local organizations that help find and provide mental and behavioral health-care. Check out the "Support & Advocacy," "Links," and "Services" pages.
    • Health and Human Services' "Find a Health Center." These federally funded health centers charge based on ability to pay.
    • Family Voices. State-by-state listings. They help children and youth with special needs to find special care. The also support families who need to push their insurance companies to do more.
    • Health and Human Services' "Mental Health Services Locator." This provides by-state listing of different kinds of mental health resources. Some of them should have to do with finding free or low-cost care.
  9. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    thank you for the sites ThisIsLife,
    i hope they help :)