I thought things were looking up. Maybe things are better but I'm not. I get so stressed out and then I completely collapse into what I am now. I'm scared and alone. I'm not sure what happened but I just fell right back to where I was. I'm so tired of these ups and downs. I'm such a terrible person. Why do I have to be this way no matter how hard I try. I don't know, I just need someone to say something. I don't think I want to die but the idea feels so tempting and the urges get harder to resist as time passes. I'm really tired of trying.