I watched it

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by shellz, Jan 2, 2007.

  1. shellz

    shellz Guest

    A little over a month ago, I watched my best friend committ suicide. I never expected him to do it. I knew he was having problems, but I didnt think he was seriously thinking about suicide. He was always the one there for me, he would be the one to pick me up when I was down. I was so shocked when it happend.

    Im still seeing it, I still hear the gunshot go off, its not going away. When I do sleep, I will see him doing it all over again, and then I will be up for the rest of the night. It has really messed me up. But I am trying my hardest to deal with it.

    Its just not fun doing it alone...
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What an awful thing to witness. I empathize with you for the pain and suffering you are going thru over your friends suicide. Of course it's not fun, or easy, getting thru this, getting past this alone. Have you considered getting professional counseling for the grief and shock? It may be just the thing you need to get thru this nightmare. Please consider it, it's worth a try.

    love and hugs and hope,

  3. shellz

    shellz Guest

    Yes, I am in therapy, I was in the hospital twice after it had happend because I was not able to deal with it. They are considering diagnosing me with PTSD. They are pretty sure I have it, but they want to be 100% sure.
  4. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    Shellz, You allready know that im totally here for you hun


    I know you can get through this sweetie
    And i be with ya every step of the way
    :cheekkiss :shy:
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Awwww hun thats a terrible thing to have to witness. I really hope the therapy works.

    Please stay safe

    Vikki x
  6. shellz

    shellz Guest

    I never expected that from him. He was always the one talking me out of it..Icant believe the sight I seen that night..its so horrible to see that in my head over and over again..it almost makes me want to do the same thing he did..
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I can understand what you are saying shellz as I have been in that situation myself. The images return time and time again. I am glad to hear you are in therapy. Maybe they can give you some coping techniques to use when the thoughts come. I am thinking of you. :hug:
  8. shellz

    shellz Guest

    They have taught me some coping strategies when this happens, but some times it gets so uncontrolable. Like now for instance...
  9. Lonz

    Lonz Active Member

    I bet you'll be strong.

  10. shellz

    shellz Guest

    im far from ever being strong...
  11. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    You are Strong Hun
  12. shellz

    shellz Guest

    far from it. i cant even put the blade down. thats not being strong at all
  13. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    Shellz, I have faith in you, I know your strong, I know you can get through this.
  14. shellz

    shellz Guest

    right now i feel like getting in my car and driving as far as it can take me..that or driving it into a tree...
  15. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    Going For a drive might help, it has for me in the past, but no driving into any trees If you decide to you have to be careful, make sure you are not to upset to drive and make sure you have anuff petrol to get back.

  16. shellz

    shellz Guest

    im to upset to drive right now. besides my therapist would kick my ass if she knew i was driving in a time like this
  17. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    Then you better not then, hun
  18. Lonz

    Lonz Active Member

    My friend took an overdose, yet still took several days to die. Don't try anything to harm yourself! Besides, you're someone for us to talk to, here.