I Went For A Walk And Found Something

a few sundays ago i went for a walk with family. we went somewhere that is quite local, but for some reason i have never been before its very remote surrounded by fields

i was so happy there i didn't understand why.

as we where walking we came across a train track but with a small path where people could cross.

i new at that moment that one day this is where my life was going to end :smile:

this place made me so uplifted. nothing could bother me. i felt warm and somehow like i was HOME

SELFISH i know but i'm to afraid to do it any other way and end up failing - under a train is where i will go


i'm not afraid of death i have prepared for it for so long i just hope i will find peace on the other side. but i'm not ready to go just yet i got things i want to do first

 

selfish is an understatement
<mod edit, jenny - please don't encourage self harm or suicide methods>
think of the poor train driver who struggle to come to terms with 'killing' you for the rest of your life

 

cliff it is then

thanks! never gave the driver a thought to be honest they would be upset i cant do that to somebody

but being depressed and suicidal an all. my judgement is a little clouded

thanks for your support

 

uh oh
pls dont talk about how u plan on doing it

 

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum.. i'm sorry that you're thinking about ending your life, and hope that you do not go through with this. I'm sorry too that i didn't see the method in the above post until now..

Has anything happened that's brought on these feelings? I'm glad that you found this forum, and hope that we're able to provide you with some support.. you deserve that.

:hug:
Jenny x

 

hi jenny thank you.

i was thinking about leaving because i'm upset right now. i've got tears in my eyes writing this. for 20 long years i've suffered with Obsessive compulsive disorder i'm oly 25. i am sooo fed up with it. rituals everyday of my life. severe depression and my anxiety levels through the roof.

i can't take it anymore

i only work 12 hours a week because of it i feel absolutly worthtless. my life has no meaning. i'm just a speck of dust and no one will miss me

:sadwave:

 

I wish i could sit with you and your tears. It's ok to cry.. it sounds like a very sad, frustrating and lonely time for you. Are you receiving any help for the OCD? Personally i think that working 12 hours a week is amazing considering the emotional torment you are going through. That's far from worthless hun :arms:

 

i did receive help for OCD, but still 6months down the line back to square one. not strong enough to fight the compulsions. i really really did try to stop counting and other bits

failure - me in a nut shell :sadwave:

 

I don't have any experience of OCD so please correct me if i'm wrong, but i'm guessing that the process of healing is a complex one, with no timeframe. I mean, everyone would have their own backgrounds and 'issues' behind the OCD, so it could take one person 6 months, and another person 2 years. Whether it takes months or years, it doesn't make the person a failure..

.. and I'm guessing also that there will be times of relapse during the treatment. If someone was receiving help/therapy/treatment for self harm, for example, it would be quite 'normal' for the person to relapse. Afterall, if you've been doing something for years, it's not easy to simply stop, especially when the urges are so strong. It's understandable. Please don't be so hard on yourself.. you're human. And I would miss you if you weren't around :rose:

 

OCD is down to the individual. like you said it could take different amount of time for different people. relapses are frequent. i do try to remember the things the doctor said. and sometimes they have helped but thats one in a million.

my only other escape is sleep. i sleep a lot because well its hard work keeping track of everything to do with my OCD.

but for them few hours i am at peace, eace:

no count no rituals just nice dreams

 

Dear sweety,I felt I needed to write to you simply because I have Ocd also and have had it for most of my life I'm 32 year's old now and yes it is such a hassle and a battle going on everyday.I used to have to complete alot of ritual's each day,I still do or my head goes crazy and the overanlayzing and anxiety take's over so I know what hell you live in.

If you would like to talk about thing's I'm free anytime to try and be there for you,I know it'ssuch a battle but please keep trying you're doing so well.

 

hi ace

i know excatly how you feel its not a nice thing to live with. my head is in bits all the time. i am so clumbsy cause i'm so worried about my rituals. not got time to think of much else.

anyway if you would like to chat pm anytime.

thanks for your caring message

 

Anytime I'm alway's here for you and I know it's so hard for you and what it does to you.