As the title says, I have made a plan. I'm not simply posting this for the hell of it. It's quite nice to have somewhere to vent. A way to get things straight in my head. Basically I have felt depressed for well over five years. I couldn't say exactly how long. I have never been diagnosed with anything properly, because I am concerned for my job and I don't want to make what could potentially be the last year of my life any harder by worrying about my job (i am a medical professional in the navy). I know the mental health teams, I know how they work and strongly believe they will not be able to help me. I have approached them carefully in the past, but have not had a positive experience with them, if anything I've felt a little patronized. The bottom line is, I have tried self help, I have tried professional help. It hasn't worked. For a long time I have felt like suicide is the only real option and the only reason I have not gone ahead with it, is because I have not wanted to hurt my family. The trouble is that I think they are already worried about me, but I have become very irritable and we have recently had a small falling out. I haven't spoken to them in a few weeks now and it simply proves that they would be better off without me in their lives. I have made a decision to improve my life. I will do everything I can to make a significant and positive change in my life this year. I don't care if it's that I make a significant improvement to my fitness (not that I'm unfit at all), or if I learn to play a new instrument. I could learn a new professional skill, or get a girlfriend. So long as it's significant and positive, I don't care. If I don't succeed, I have decided that I will end my life in 2013. I have one year and no more, because I have delayed this for too long. If I can't change my life in one year, I will never be able to. I honestly think that if I go on the way I am, I will simply cause more problems for the people around me, but now I feel a little better. Hopefully it won't come to that. S.