I will commit suicide eventually

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ruby, Apr 28, 2007.

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  1. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    and that's not my depression speaking. I have made a personal choice and decided that when I die I want it to be because I wanted to go. I have researched every possible method. Most of you talk about overdoses in a sad way. See, I'm different.. the best day of my life was when I almost died after an OD. When I think back to that day the main thought I have is, ''WHY DIDNT YOU TAKE A FEW MORE AND IT WOULD HAVE WORKED''. No doubt you'll all read this and think im some sort of lunatic. Im not, far from it actually. I just believe in freedom of choice, something that sadly doesnt exist in this fucked up society.
     
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I don't think your a lunatic hun, perhaps very strong minded though. Please don't do it anytime soon though.
     
  3. lfdy

    lfdy Active Member

    i have just joined forum and read your post. i know how you feel. i have been waiting for the right time for almost 10 years now, so many times i have come so close but as i have kids i always have to wait until their birthday is over, or christmas is over etc so i dont spoil it for them. i just want to find peace and be at rest. i am so tired of this life. i have chosen my wall and am ready to drive into it when the time is right. that way it can look like an accident and the kids wont be stuck with the stigma that their mother committed suicide. take care.
     
  4. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    Holding a different view to the mass populace doesn't make you a lunatic. In fact, thinking differently from the mass is often a sign of sanity. Thinking outside the box takes courage and imagination. - These are rare qualities, why waste them...?
     
  5. gitana

    gitana SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Ruby, yes, free choice. I know it isn't just your depression talking like many people may say.. Yeah, personal choice.. Me too. I have researched everything also..every possible method.. in my life.. yeah, I shouldn't be here today to talk to you about this at all..

    What do you mean that most talk about overdoses in a sad way? No need to answer at all... I have been there many times in my life and I can't explain it.. OD.. yeah.. I took alot.. my pdoc was shocked.. was very fortunate to come out with not being a vegetable, and I know some.. very fortunate that everything I took to make sure, and ended up in ICU, several times.. other times, nobody really knew about at all.. nobody.. that my organs were not affected. Yes, I studied suicidology.. have lots of books I bought.. and yet, here I am.. unbelieveable, and then when I was going to attempt again seriously.. really make sure that this time was it.. for real.. strange.. don't know why it didn't work at all... here I am and found SF..3 years ago almost.. and the people here really helped me.. talked me through.. can't say that life will be better.. but the support is here.. I hope you will continue talking to us and sharing your pain.. I know it seems neverending.. yeah.. free, personal choice.. do you have friends, family,?

    Hon, we won't think you are a lunatic.. nobody in my world can understand why I made it through.. they think I was attention seeking and not true at all.. hate that.. anybody who feels this way.. and people think that.. it is real, life is difficult, painful, deep wounded broken shattered heart.. etc. I know sweetie..

    You have been here a long time..it looks like.. please don't do anything to yourself.. keep talking to us.. I know life is painful.. hold on to us.. hang on to us.. we are here for you.. I am here for you.. Lean on us to help walk you through your pain.. are you seeing a counselor, therapist, pdoc (psychiatrist)?

    Please continue giving a chance..

    I have experienced much loss in my life.. 9 were suicides.. I know pain.. an many here do too.. please lean on us.. you don't need to do anything now.. but keep giving us a chance.. and talking to us.. I know that may not seem much or helpful.. I know it didn't to me.. but I am here to tell you the reason that I am still here to help you and others are here.. We really care...

    Love,


    Gitana/Tracie
     
  6. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    Im pro-choice too. This website doesnt allow that tho, so I cant express my true opinion.
     
  7. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    I personally don't have a problem with any of this, I'm just curious why you've bothered to start this thread. You've made up your mind, and will not be dissuaded. Correct? And presumably have no interest in persuading anyone else to follow your example. Also correct? So...what are you looking for here? Just venting? (Fine by me, but I think you should make that bit explicit.) Beyond that I'm at loss as to where you're trying to go here.

    I don't think this sentiment is all that uncommon, actually, especially here at SF. I've thought that way myself on occassion.

    I don't think you're a lunatic at all. And I'm glad you're not plagued with doubts about your mental state(s) the way I sometimes am. In fact I'm a bit envious of your self-confidence.

    Why should you care? This society appears to be allowing you enough freedom of choice to do what you're planning, what more would you want from it?
     
  8. Des

    Des Member

    I too have made the choice to end my life on my own terms and although I have made several attempts, I know that one day, my attempts will be successful.

    My happiest times were when I was ready to make an attempt and the prospect of not having to face another day was a huge relief for me....my attempts have been unsuccessful for reasons that I cannot understand... I too have pulled through on many occassions where it was very unlikely to do so......those times. when I woke up, were the worst days of my life. I have never been pleased that I have failed but rather, it has made me more determined to succeed in my next attempt.

    I don't believe that having views like we do means that there is anything wrong with us..... some of us just do not see any reason to continue living and want to put an end to our suffering......I think this is quite sane.... it just means we think a bit differently to those who want to live and who enjoy life.

    I respect your views and respect your right to freedom of choice. I hope that when you are ready, you will do what is best for you and whatever that may be, be confident that you have made the right decision.

    Des
     
  9. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    I'd NEVER encourage and glorify suicide to anyone else, I guess I just kinda deserve this.

    As for the 'freedom of choice' comment. In the past when I've attempted suicide I've ended up detained in a fucking mental hospital. I'd hate to take an overdose and end up having more psychotropic drugs forced down my throat when I clearly don't even need them. I talk sense yet I'm meant to be psychotic. Hahahaha such bullshit.

    This is a rant.
     
  10. Sol

    Sol Member

    I feel the same way. Something has to give, and it's not likely to be the entirety of the rest of the world.
     
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