i will never attempt suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 24yroldfailure, Aug 2, 2009.

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  1. from a young age when i first started feeling depressed i knew i would never attempt suicide. i couldn't bear the pity and concern people would show me. if i ever do it one day im going to go through with it in a quick, sure way and if i back out of it i wont tell anyone

    depression for me is pretty much always there in the background, but it also comes in strong waves... i dont live the life i would like to live and i cant ever forget it, but still every now and then something will trigger it and i will fall into a deep emotional rut. i dont notice myself getting out of these ruts, i think it just happens gradually each time over a period of a few days. this time what triggered it was me kicking my pet dog then feeling like a heel about it. that in and of itself isnt a big thing but any time i start to feel down on myself i have plenty of material to reacquaint myself with

    i searched for a suicide forum and registered here so i could find other people who deal with depression and suicidal thoughts, and could just relate to their experiences. i really dont want anyone to talk to me about god, or to give me canned advice about how it will be ok and you have to love yourself etc.

    my name here is 24 year old failure... im actually 23 now but im certain that i will still be a failure when my birthday rolls around

    cheers all
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    dont know what i can say to that...
  3. just.me

    just.me Account Closed

    then why to say anything at all?...

    To the 24 year old guy
    are you currently under treatment?
  4. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    well nobody else had bothered to reply.
  5. just.me

    just.me Account Closed

    as someone very smart said once
    "if you dont have something smart to say, just move on" - just.me(sf)
  6. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    whats with picking on necrodude? he was just letting the OP know someone had read his post.
  7. i guess i should have put this in the introductions forum
  8. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Can we not argue or insult each other please, i doubt it's helping the OP or anyone else as a matter of fact.

    I can move it there if you wish??
  9. thepainwithin

    thepainwithin Well-Known Member

    you and me both man. i am 19 now but i have been depressed since i was 11. i often think about suicide and what a statement it would make to the people who made me this way and it gets me excited, kinda like a big fuck you. but then i dont think i could do any of that to my parents, my sister and the rest of my family. i don't look ahead in life, i guess that is what mostly holds me back. people say high school and college are the best years of your life so don't waste them. well now high school is over and for some reason i just can't do college. i'm not a very social guy and coming from a town where i saw the same 2000 people in school everyday for 12 years i guess i never really was forced to make friends, it's just kinda something that happened. i switched schools midway through freshman year because i hated it. and now i have to go back to another university and i dont really want to, but even that would be a huge let down. i'm currently considering the army or navy.

    i don't know what gets you down in life, but just keep your head up. i live in a city of 100,000 people and i spend most of my days holed up in my basement because my only real friend works and i never really met anyone else in high school that i hangout with anymore, it sucks. i know college is going to be the same this time around and it's going to tear me apart. i can't let go of my past. but i have to leave it or im going to feel like shit forever.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    hmmm, well, to the painwithin, i dont know who you speak of that instilled depression in your life.
    and for 24yearold failure, well ...

    first of all, im almost 50. when i moved out of my parents house at the age of 18 i hated ppl. i didnt trust them and i kept to myself. thats the way i wanted it.
    yes, i attempted suicide 3 times. the last time was about a month ago.
    it was situational depression, but i guess i have had some level of it for years.

    for the last 25 years i have worked in customer service. i enjoy it. kinda funny concidering i hated ppl way back when.
    i am learning to deal with my issues without having to resort to killing myself.

    if you like i did have already labled yourself as a failure ... oh yea, my mother always told me i would never amount to anything. i grew to believe that.

    you can lable yourself a failure at a young age. and if thats the way you WANT THINGS TO BE, then theres nothing anyone can do or say to make you change your mind.
    i will say this, when i started LIVING i found out there are alot of things in this world worth seeing, experiancing and applying yourself to.

    i was told i would always have a hard life, maybe i have. but time and age have taught me, IT IS I THAT MAKE THINGS HAPPEN FOR ME, GOOD OR BAD.
    i make the choices, i am the one incontrol of my happiness.

    i have a crappy job, no car and i rent a room because i got laid off from a good job and gave up everything to do something differant.
    well, it didnt work out quite the way i wanted it to.

    i did get depressed and i snapped. well, IM STILL HERE and now i have a choice, i choose to get off my ass and make something of this.

    its not going to be easy and it will take some time, but ..... thats something i choose to wait for.
    i dont want to sit in the same position day after day. i have the desire to move forward even after all that other crap/

    there are many things i still want to do. maybe i wont be able to do many of them, but there are reachable goals. i know this BECAUSE IVE DONE IT BEFORE, even when i felt like you do now.

    get off your ass and do something for yourself.
    course then again, thats up to you to take the challenge of life.
  11. just.me

    just.me Account Closed

    I am 24 also, still living with my parents
    unable to work due to several reasons
    not receiving any social or disability support as there is practically none in my country
    i am like that for 2 years now, 2 years of nothing
    2 years of waking up at the morning, sitting in front of the PC and sleeping
    no friends, no relations, 0 income
    no hope no escape (except suicide)
    welcome to my life
  12. backwardshole

    backwardshole Active Member

    They say that "your life is only what you make it". But we can only make it to some degree, the rest is inevitably controlled by the world's external elements like society, media, people, the system, etc... We can only make our lives to better cope and conform with the elements around us...

    I'm done
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