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I will never have a good life

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#1
I am always scared. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to do anything. I got so sad and scared yesterday when I heard about someone who actually committed suicide. No one will ever care for me. How do you tell someone you have been depressed, hospitalized, that you probably will become very sad for no reason at times? People just bolt. And then I am alone, and afraid. I am not feeling actively suicidal, but I am really hoping that I just fall asleep and never wake up. I am just frozen. I cannot focus on anything. I just want my life to be over.
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
sound to me hun your depression and anxiety still need to be looked at some
Ask your doctor to get your meds changed up a bit depression can be beaten hun and so can anxiety it can talk to your doctor okay get some help to stabilize you so you are not so sad and fearful hugs
 

windlepoons

Well-Known Member
#4
As total eclipse said you sound like you have an anxiety issue? Have you thought of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? It could help you sort out your thoughts and see things more clearly.
 
#5
I have been in CBT therapy. Three therapists in four years, numerous medications, a hospitalization, eye movement therapy, a DBT focused intensive outpatient program, a half dozen combinations of medication...nothing works. I am a highly intelligent borderline. Intellectually, I understand the triggers and prigins of my behavioral issues and thought patterns. I can think through the rationality or irrationality of my thoughts and identify the truth versus a learned pattern of misperepceptions. In the end, however, I do not think that people will like and love me. I do not fit in. I do not feel comfortable trying to fit in. I have been abandoned and neglected before and I believe it will happen again. Therefore, I wish I could "opt out" of this world; ask God for a do over in some other realm where pain, anxiety, rejection and fear do not thrive.
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#6
the professionals are now looking differently at borderline disorder how the stigma against this illness is harming so many that suffer with it. The thought now is to even change the name of it You are so much more then this title then this illness hun. Also in time this illness does level out and one does become more stable I too understnad abandonment and i have somehow used that pain to help others You are worthy of affection of kindness hun you are don't ever think otherwise It takes so long to heal the damage parts of our soul but it can be done. Please don't give up on you okay YOU do matter and all your effort to heal will show it self it will in time hun hugs
 
#7
I just hate feeling worthless. You know when someone approaches you, and. You do not want them to interact with you, and you give that look like you are cringing inside...that is what I believe everyone thinks about me. I cannot grasp howcto project or feel any level of comfort or confidence in who I am. It sucks. I think everyone sees LOSER tattooed on my face from a mile away. FML.
 
#8
Wow, how I feel exactly. I too am a rather intelligent borderline (well, at least my therapist thinks I'm smart). My therapist tells me that things will get better with time (as total eclipse mentioned, the disorder does tend to "stabilize"), and that the more positive experiences I incorporate into my life, the happier I will be. It's true (and yes, my therapist does admit this as well) that our lives will always likely be more difficult relatively speaking. But that does not mean that we cannot develop meaningful, purposeful lives that are worth living not only in others' eyes, but in our own. We just have to work really hard and keep believing. Please hang in there. You are definitely not alone :hug:
 

Stranger1

Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
#9
I feel exactly the same as you..The only difference is I am thinking suicide..I'm glad you aren't this bad.. I do think you need to find some positive things to hold onto..Then you can move at your own level to even happier timers.. Good luck and take care!!
 
#10
Stranger1 - I often think of suicide. It seems to be a "default" thought when I don't know what else to think about or do in response to a situation or fear. In the back of my mind I always have this thought that it is inevitable that I am going to kill myself, so just accept it. But I have to CHOOSE to think that it is nt inevitable. Sometimes making that choice is hard work.
 
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