I Will Never Have My Life Back.....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by meow13, Aug 29, 2006.

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  1. meow13

    meow13 New Member

    I am finally realizing today that I will never have my life back. I've meade some really bad choices in liife. I'm stuck in a bad marriage. I had a depression problem combined with some medical problems that led to a prescrition drug dependency problem. I ended up with two 5th degree felonies. This was six years ago. I am only in my mid thirties. I decided to go back to school, so that I could get a decent job to get out of my situation and now because of my record, I don't know If I'll be able to get an externship to complete my paralegal degree. It doesn't matter that I've stayed out of trouble and had straignt a's. All of the good things I ever did in my life should outweigh the mistakes but they don't. I can't get my record sealed because of the DUI I had at 19. My teachers are encouraging and so is my family, but they don't have to employ me. The criminal justice system is like "oh well, we deal with this every day. You think we can actually help you or something?" My family will however, have to help me payoff the pointless education I obtained. We are broke (we lost our home(my husband makes decent money, but doesn't know how to manage it and wont let anyone help him), I have three kids but, it doesn't appear that I'll ever be a good enough example to them anyway. Leaving them would hurt them, but who wants an ex-con for a mom anyway. I can't even be a room mom. I'm just done with this life.....
     
  2. life

    life Well-Known Member

    Hi I Am 17 Years Old And Want To Suicide...do U Know Any Ways
     
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Your kids need you! like any kid needs their mother, please dont give up, giving uo will only devestate (spelling??) even more and im sure you dont want to do that to them, im sure you love them with all your heart and more, but please dont give up. Your kids dont care if you've got a criminal record they love you for you! please consider for you your kids

    take care

    vikki x
     
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    life, this forum will not give you anytips on suicide, its about helping each other thru a tough time not to encourage each other to kill themselfs and give tips

    vikki x
     
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Sorry Life, we don't encourage suicide here in any way, shape or form.

    Meow13, how old are your kids? Are you absolutely sure they'd always look down on you for the things you did in the past? Its a wonderful thing that you have changed and its a real damn shame the rest of the world doesn't care and only focuses on what you did in the past, I wish they could be as mature as you are.
     
  6. meow13

    meow13 New Member

    I think of them a lot. That's why I went back to school. To try to make a better life for them. It doesn't look like that will happen. I was in therapy for many years to figure out why I did what I did. One thing that doesn't change is how I am always afraid. I'm afraid of the kids friends parents finding out about me and not wanting their children to play with mine. I can't help at the school because of background checks. Many places wont even let me voluenteer my time because of my background. I'm tired of being afraid all of the time. It's getting to the point where having a record not only effects your employment status, but it will effect your credit score, potential to rent property and effect the opportunity to even take out a loan to buy a house. I feel like I might as well as robbed a bank. I am in physical pain everyday which refuse to have treated for fear of being labled and incombination with knowing I am stuck in a verbal and sometimes physically abusive marriage doesn't help. I just don't see anyway out of this. I've made the effort, but the people who need to help me have better options.
     
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