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I will never meet another girl like her for as long as I live.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by A_New_Man, Jul 26, 2008.

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  1. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    Two months ago, I met the most interesting, intelligent, beautiful, sexy, and overall enchanting young woman I will ever meet. She was truly one of a kind. She had my favorite body type, my favorite hair color, and she had more charm and wit and compassion than I'd ever hoped to find in a person. She was everything I had ever wanted in a girl. I felt as though this woman had been created just for me.

    After we met in a college class, we both immediately hit it off. We simply got along. There was immediate chemistry. She made little flirtatious hints at me during the first week I knew her, and I reciprocated. We worked together so well that inside jokes between us began cropping up within the first few hours.

    It felt presumptuous to think that a woman this amazing could actually like me - but as each week passed and we became more acquainted one another, it was hard to remain in denial. All the evidence showed that she was interested in me, and I was deeply interested in her. The sheer beauty of this situation was unfathomable.

    During the third week I knew her, we confessed our infatuation for one another and we consummated our feelings with physical intimacy. The day this happened was the best day of my life, by far.

    However, afterward she told me that despite our intimacy and mutual attraction, she didn't want to have an official relationship. It wasn't a convenient time in her life for emotional attachment - and beyond that, she didn't think that she was girlfriend material, and didn't think that she would be the right introduction for me to the world of interpersonal feelings. She told me that there wouldn't be any more physical intimacy, and that there would be no relationship.

    I understood her reasoning. Her logic was completely rational and I couldn't fault her for her decision. I knew that I would simply have to accept her choice and live with it.

    But it hurt. It hurt bad. And it still hurts.

    It has been a month since these events took place, and even now I feel like I'm being hit by a train in slow motion. I don't know what to do. This situation feels unreal to me; I am unattractive, boring, nerdy, and no girl has ever shown interest in me before in my life - and then, out of nowhere, I find my dream girl, the woman of my fantasies...and she actually likes me back. But then, just as soon as we share our feelings and intimacy with one another, she tells me that it's over.

    During the time that she was expressing desire for me, all of my self-loathing and lack of confidence was buried and invisible. While I was with her, I was happy and confident and proud of myself. And now that she is gone, all of my insecurity has returned. I am again unconfident about my looks, I am again afraid that no girl could ever want me, and I am especially worried that I will never find anyone like her again. I often lie in bed for hours, heavy with grief, mourning the loss of the one girl who ever wanted me. During the time I knew her, I no longer felt the fears and anguish I had suffered for so many years. Now the one piece of happiness in my life is gone, and I'm left with nothing but worries and anxiety.

    I'm 20 years old, and I've been enrolled in college for two years now - but to this day, I've never met anyone who has come anywhere close to matching that woman. She remains the only person I've ever known to have every one of my favorite traits, to embody everything I've ever wished for in a girl/

    I'll never find another woman like her. Not for as long as I live. Even if it actually is possible for me to find another girl who could like me, there is no chance that she could be as wonderful as that woman. She was one of a kind. Every other girl in the world is inferior to her. I will compare every female I meet to that woman, and they will all come up short. If I ever entered a relationship, I would be settling for someone who is less than her. No matter who I wind up with, I will always long for that woman and wish it was her that I was with.

    We stayed in touch after she told me that there would not be anything between us. A while ago, I hinted at the idea of a relationship between us. She simply said, "That ship sailed a long time ago." Her feelings for me are gone now. She wanted me once, but she'll never want me again. There is no chance for a relationship with her anymore.

    After that, she simply stopped contacting me. She must want to avoid me. I guess girls think it's creepy when a guy like me is attracted to them.

    What can I do at this point? I know that there is nothing I can do about her, nothing I can do to fix things or make her change her mind. But what am I going to do with myself? I'll live the rest of my life with the memories we shared, the memory of meeting the perfect girl, the one girl who actually wanted me. I'll live the rest of my life remembering that I lost her, that I can't have her, that I'll never have what I truly want. How am I supposed to live this way? How am I supposed to find happiness like this? How am I supposed to concentrate on other things, knowing that everything I've ever wanted was within my reach, but then I lost it all? It's like losing a winning lottery ticket. No...it's far worse than that.

    The rest of my life does not look promising at all.

    Please. Help. I need advice. I need suggestions. I need something. Anything.
  2. Satine

    Satine Member

    Hi Eva,

    I can honestly say I understand where you're coming from, because I used to feel that way about myself, too. (Perhaps I should point out at this stage that I'm female.) Now, I appreciate fully that you feel unattractive and that she was the only one, but I assure you that isn't the case.

    There are 6 billion people on this planet and, as true as it might feel, it is fanciful to think that only one of those people will be a good match for you. There are others, and others will invariably come along.

    Once, chatting with my other half, I discovered that he, much like you, had no belief in his attractiveness before he met me. He occasionally went after girls, but they looked at him, as he put it, "like I was a rapist," and avoided him. He's one of the gentlest men I've known. However, then we started talking online (that's how we got to know eachother) and eventually hooked up. We decided we liked eachother and that we'd start going out on a regular basis, and his self-confidence shot up! Girls started approaching him.

    It's Murphy's law that this should happen, but therein lies an important lesson: before others will like you, you need to like yourself. That's tricky, because it's something of a vicious circle, but trust me when I say it, because it's true. It's also true of me. I don't think I'm attractive, but men find me so when I'm feeling confident. The same is true for almost anybody else you find out there.

    So the trick is to find that biting point - find your confidence. Be active. Go out and do stuff. Read. Listen. Talk. Aimlessly at first if you must, but follow your intuition, your thoughts and your deductions and soon enough you'll begin to feel confident.

    Confidence itself is something of a ghost - it disappears at first. As somebody who's had to fake confidence more times than she's had hot dinners, trust me when I say this: the trick is to pretend you're confident, even when you're not. When you trick other people into thinking you're confident, you eventually start to believe it yourself. Then you're there! But it all starts with the bluffing.

    There's no substitute for getting out there and getting on with it, so go, and may the best of luck be with you! If you're not ready to hook up with another girl yet, that's fine: go it alone. But soon enough you will want to find love again. But this time, you'll know the formula: pretend confidence!

    Oh, and personally, I love nerds! They've always got something to talk about and they're intelligent enough to seek new boundaries. And if that isn't a strength, I don't know what is!
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