One of the people that I loved most in the world has died. I am not very strong and I don't think that I am going to survive this. I have no interest inthe future. I have no romantic relationship and no prospect of one. I have allowed myself to be used as an always-available free source of casual sex by a manipulative uncaring man for over a year. I am an idiot. I have fulfilled none of my dreams. I have drifted through my life aimlessly. I'm not good at anything I do. I probably won't be asked back to my current job when my contract is over. I am about $50,000 in debt. My sisters and my mother would lbe hurt by my passing, but I don't think I will be able to bear the pain much longer. I have wasted my life up to this point and I can't see how it can improve. I'm not strong or smart and no man wants me for anything but sex. I'm a fuck up.