I wish it would be easy for me to die. My life has been nothing but a fuck up, I have a criminal record due to a shoplifting charge (I stole three cans of soda), plus other personal legal stuff in my life which make it hard for me to just get a job. I have tried University, found that too difficult, and quit after trying a couple of semesters since I was not doing well. I would be studying everyday and doing the assignments, but found the end result always to be poor: In the 50s or low 60s. Then, I went to college. I had been finding some courses at my college difficult to do (and could not find a tutor for one of them) and we had midterm exams this week. I decided to bring in some cheat notes, since I did not care if I got kicked out or not, I wanted to get caught and then kicked out, since the punishment is usually being kicked out if you are caught doing something like that. This invigulator caught me with the notes, and took the notes, and the exam, from me. This happened at 9:10 a.m. At 3:30 p.m. I met with the head of the college, who told me that I was forbidden to go back to the college until May of this year because of what I did. I told mom, who screamed at me in the car on the way home, and in the house as well, calling me a "deceitful,manipulative,lying,cheating bitch" and how I'm "nothing but a monster" and how I have not brought any pleasure into her life at all, the only thing that I bring into her life is trauma, grief, and heartache. I try to be good but just end up being bad, sometimes the badness is just impulsive. This time was planned because I wanted to leave the college, and I talked to mom about leaving the college a few weeks ago but decided to stay, but the stress just overpowered me Monday so I decided to do up a little set of cheat notes and bring them in and hope to get caught. Now I will not be returning to any schools at all, and may end up living on the streets or something if I am kicked out of the house. I have someone who is dating me but I feel that they shouldn't because of all of the wrong choices I have made, and, like I said before, no matter how hard I try to be good, I just end up being bad somehow. I want out of this life since there would be no more grief caused by me for my family or friends once I'm gone, they may be sad once I'm gone, but a few weeks later they will see how much better it is that I'm nnot around, since I won't be causing any trouble or making anyone worry. I have attempted suicide many times, and I sometimes wish that we had what was in that book "The Giver" by Lois Lowry, the ability to just go and release ourselves with this simple injection, I know I would have done it long ago because I can't take this anymore. They say everyone has a purpose in life: Well it seems that my purpose is to cause nothing but unhappiness to people and cause stress for people, since that's what I always seem to do to people, even if I don't mean to.