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I wish he loved me

#1
I was seeing this guy for 3 weeks. The first guy ever to not abuse me. He's gorgeous, smart and we're into the same things. However, a few days ago I felt him distance himself from me. I called him today because of the amount of anxiety it was giving me. Today he said he just wanted to be friends because he has no romantic feelings for me. I feel as though love doesn't exist or at least the romantic love that the media likes to bombard us with. It doesn't exist I've never felt it and I feel like I will never feel it. I just want to die because I don't think I will ever find my future partner. All of my previous partners have been abusive except this one recent guy. I miss him, I wish he felt as strongly for me as I do him. I feel like there must be something significantly wrong with me. I've wanted a boyfriend for as long as I can remember since I was 4 and I'm 22. I have no worth, no value and it's like every guy knows it. And so I am embracing loneliness. Because I just have to.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
Hi @saltyicecream648, welcome to SF. I'm sorry you're feeling so poorly. It's understandable you're pretty jaded about romance if you've been treated so badly by partners in the past. But there is nothing wrong with you. You DO have plenty of worth and value, and the most important part is that you learn to see it about yourself. I know it's hard to be alone when it seems like everyone around you is partnered up and happy - but you are still young. Plenty of relationships are begun and ended from the time a person is your age, and there are plenty of people your age who also haven't had a good relationship, or any at all. I know there are others here who can relate to that.

Keep talking if you like, you're not alone here *hug
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
Hi @saltyicecream648 It's understandable to feel depressed when the love you feel for someone isn't returned. I believe love is real, but the media doesn't do a good job portraying it. They portray a fantasy love that sells movie tickets. It's understandable you would have feelings for this person because he's the first person not to abuse you. Even if it isn't romantic, I would cherish my friendship with such a person. You have worth. Just because you are not in a relationship does not mean you don't have worth.
 
#5
I just want to be loved and cherished in a romantic way. That would be the most fulfilling thing ever
Yep join the club... Sorry, but yes it's a very common problem and was my #1 instigator for many years. Just letting you know people out there relate.

I'm not really good in this department, so I think 'Sinking Ship' summed it up nicely already. Try to get your mind off it temporarily if you can(doing positive things), maybe that could help. Peace
 
#6
In principle, there might be a way to learn the best path to finding a relationship that works. Is that something that you'd like to talk about?

Hugs Saltyicecream
 

Daphna

Well-Known Member
#7
I was seeing this guy for 3 weeks. The first guy ever to not abuse me. He's gorgeous, smart and we're into the same things. However, a few days ago I felt him distance himself from me. I called him today because of the amount of anxiety it was giving me. Today he said he just wanted to be friends because he has no romantic feelings for me. I feel as though love doesn't exist or at least the romantic love that the media likes to bombard us with. It doesn't exist I've never felt it and I feel like I will never feel it. I just want to die because I don't think I will ever find my future partner. All of my previous partners have been abusive except this one recent guy. I miss him, I wish he felt as strongly for me as I do him. I feel like there must be something significantly wrong with me. I've wanted a boyfriend for as long as I can remember since I was 4 and I'm 22. I have no worth, no value and it's like every guy knows it. And so I am embracing loneliness. Because I just have to.
I am sorry you feel that way. You are still quite young. I remember my early twenties. I felt a lot like you. I felt doomed to loneliness. It seemed as though I always dated the same guy but with a different name. My priorities were messed up with men. I just wanted a good looking man to please me physically. While I found that, it wasn’t satisfactory other than pleasure. I didn’t dare dream or hope for what I really wanted. I wanted a committed man who would want to have a family with me. But I hated myself, and I hated my life. My lifestyle at the time didn’t give me an opportunity to have the life I secretly wanted. When I left that lifestyle, I began to love myself. With that, I was finally able to feel confident that someone else could love me too. So in short, figure out what type of woman you want to be. Figure out what that woman’s life goals are, and then figure out what type of man would fit into that. Working on yourself should be first and foremost. Learn to forgive yourself and those that hurt you. Learn from those experiences to grow as a person. Remember them so you don’t repeat past mistakes. I’m thirty eight and a half and I have three children. I have been married almost fifteen years. So there is hope! Don’t give up. 🤗
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#9
I was older than you before I met the man that ended up being my husband. At your age, I felt the same - that I'd never find anyone. But, eventually I did. If it can happen for me, it can happen for you. I am, by no means, a catch.

I think I should also reiterate what Lara_C said. There is a definite difference between the beginning of a relationship and how it is later on. The realities are very different from the idea.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
#11
Welcome to SF @saltyicecream648 :) you’ve definitely come to the right place. There’s lots of individuals here who can relate in some way or another. Im so sorry you feel this way and that no one has shown you the love you deserve :( one day, someone will come, but first, you’ve got to love yourself, how can you expect someone to love you if you don’t love you? I’m sorry you’ve had men abuse you, they’re the scum of the earth and they deserve to rot in hell *thumbsup someone will come along when you least expect it, when you’re working on loving yourself, the person will come :) promise
 

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#12
I was seeing this guy for 3 weeks. The first guy ever to not abuse me. He's gorgeous, smart and we're into the same things. However, a few days ago I felt him distance himself from me. I called him today because of the amount of anxiety it was giving me. Today he said he just wanted to be friends because he has no romantic feelings for me. I feel as though love doesn't exist or at least the romantic love that the media likes to bombard us with. It doesn't exist I've never felt it and I feel like I will never feel it. I just want to die because I don't think I will ever find my future partner. All of my previous partners have been abusive except this one recent guy. I miss him, I wish he felt as strongly for me as I do him. I feel like there must be something significantly wrong with me. I've wanted a boyfriend for as long as I can remember since I was 4 and I'm 22. I have no worth, no value and it's like every guy knows it. And so I am embracing loneliness. Because I just have to.
As perfect as he might seem for whatever reason the match wasn’t right for you. There is a match out there that is right for you. And when you find that you’ll marvel at how much better that relationship is.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#13
I am sorry you feel that way. You are still quite young. I remember my early twenties. I felt a lot like you. I felt doomed to loneliness. It seemed as though I always dated the same guy but with a different name. My priorities were messed up with men. I just wanted a good looking man to please me physically. While I found that, it wasn’t satisfactory other than pleasure. I didn’t dare dream or hope for what I really wanted. I wanted a committed man who would want to have a family with me. But I hated myself, and I hated my life. My lifestyle at the time didn’t give me an opportunity to have the life I secretly wanted. When I left that lifestyle, I began to love myself. With that, I was finally able to feel confident that someone else could love me too. So in short, figure out what type of woman you want to be. Figure out what that woman’s life goals are, and then figure out what type of man would fit into that. Working on yourself should be first and foremost. Learn to forgive yourself and those that hurt you. Learn from those experiences to grow as a person. Remember them so you don’t repeat past mistakes. I’m thirty eight and a half and I have three children. I have been married almost fifteen years. So there is hope! Don’t give up. 🤗
I am doing the math. You married at 23? So I am guessing you dated for at least a year. So you found your husband at 22 then? That great! 🍀
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#16
There are a lot of men who feel the same way as you're describing, who maybe have been in past abusive relationships themselves, who might understand you better than someone with no experience handling that sort of trauma. I hope someone who appreciates you as much as you will them stumbles into your life some day. There's likely nothing wrong with you, finding a compatible partner more or less comes down to chance.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#17
There are a lot of men who feel the same way as you're describing, who maybe have been in past abusive relationships themselves, who might understand you better than someone with no experience handling that sort of trauma. I hope someone who appreciates you as much as you will them stumbles into your life some day. There's likely nothing wrong with you, finding a compatible partner more or less comes down to chance.

Chance. . . Scary isn’t it.
 
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