I wish I could hurt myself right now..

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, May 10, 2008.

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  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I havent cut myself since I was a teenager and its been a while since I overmedicated myself for my own pleasure as well.. The other day in what could be called a clear moment I asked my husband to throw out all my old medications which I had been hoarding just in case I needed them. I gathered them up for him and poured the pills out and thru the bottles in the trash.. I watched him place all the pills into a sandwich baggie and I left the room so he could throw them away, burn them, hide them, whatever he needed to do to keep me away from them..So thats not an option right now.. I wish I could take a knife or a razor and just slash myself, worse then I ever did in the past.. I just want to see the blood. I want to see if it would actually hurt.. It use to make me feel better and good about myself for some strange reason and I want to feel good again, even if its only for a few minutes...
     
  2. notmyrealname

    notmyrealname Well-Known Member

    I have not the words to say anything with any deep meaning, but I know how you feel. I started again recently and doing it felt so good. But I'm trapped, I've had to force myself to stop because I'll be getting a new doctor next month in a new town and I need the cuts to heal before he sees them. I'm expecting a good freak-out session in the next 3 weeks or so.
     
  3. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Well....I went into the bathroom because I was busting to pee and I grabbed the razor I had out when I shaved my legs lastnight.. I put it on my skin and moved it forwards but I thought it was to dull so I put it back and walked off..Now Im chatting with a new friend, whos going thru something similiar in life, and Im feeling better.
     
  4. notmyrealname

    notmyrealname Well-Known Member

    Good to hear :hug:
     
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    congrats on throwing out those old meds, that was a big step. many people are not able to do that. how are you feeling today? did talking to your friend help?
     
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