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I Wish I Could Jus Let Go

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ahmandah, Feb 14, 2013.

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  1. Ahmandah

    Ahmandah Member

    So I know I prolly sound petty and pathetic. I mean, that's what everyone always says whenever the word suicide comes up in a conversation, right? At least whenever I try to talk to anyone. I don't need your anger at me. I have enough of that inside. Though anger isn't the correct emotion. It's anger and depression and despair and agony and worthlessness and... So many more. I could fill the page with every emotion that explains this. But it's not going to be enough to simply write them all down. It's not like they jus go away simply because I wish so.
    I have so much love-filled qualities. I care for so many people. But why can't I care enough for me? I know I get angry whenever I find out a friend takes their own life, or wants to... And I do so because I want to so badly. I want to stop all those negative feelings toward myself and positive feelings toward the people who don't deserve them... I want to stop loving the ones who hurt me. I want it all to jus stop...
    I wish there was a cure for this. I wish that years of these feelings will simply go away. I read that "Please Hold On" thing... But I don't think I have that cell that wants to continue. I honestly think that the only reason why I am still here right now, is because I'm too scared of the pain in dying. I'm scared that it will hurt more than I hurt now, and why would I want that to be the last thing on my conscious mind?
  2. Sophia_Wilde

    Sophia_Wilde Active Member

    Yes, we always seem so much harder on ourselves. Why is it possible to love others as much as we hate ourselves Is it an to save others from experiencing our own failures.? Do we feel good, preventing others from experiencing the errors that have already stalked and beset us?

    Is it that we feel so much pain, we attack ourselves with the anger that pain has created, because it’s just socially so much more acceptable to attack ourselves, than seethe irrational fire around us?

    I guess it may be made even more easier, because for many, those channels of self-loathing are already open, through our own. ready-made, natural self-hatred.

    I do hope you find some genuine answers to your turmoil, and in that peace found, there is more peace worth finding. Huggs
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You do not sound petty or pathetic hun You sound like you are suffering and i am sorry you are so low hun, I hope coming here talking to others will help you feel so not alone hun
    Keep reaching out ok we are listening hugs
  4. Ahmandah

    Ahmandah Member

    Thank you... Nice to know I at least have some support...
  5. f5j23jk2

    f5j23jk2 Well-Known Member

    We all reach a point in our lives when we simply can't take it anymore, and our problems and needs overwhelm oir lives and throw us to the ground.
    The most important thing for you is to be with someone by your side, a true friend who really cares and has the time for you today and tomorrow and after.
    Please don't drown yourself in negative feelings alone, share them in person, because you really don't want to feel this bad and be alone, trust my words.
    I hope you feel better soon. :wink-new:
  6. Ahmandah

    Ahmandah Member

    I jus keep getting worse to be honest... When my paycheck comes, I'm getting professional help... I really don't want to because I can't afford it at all, but it's the only thing I have...
  7. f5j23jk2

    f5j23jk2 Well-Known Member

    Professional help is usually a waste of money, either it's talking to someone or taking pills. I know it was almost useless to me.
    You will eventually have to get better by yourself and for yourself, unless you have someone to help you with anything you need at anytime.
  8. Ahmandah

    Ahmandah Member

    I can't get better by myself though... If I could, I already would be better...
  9. f5j23jk2

    f5j23jk2 Well-Known Member

    Well, i understand, i can't get better by myself either, i don't have the willpower to do everything i need to have at least a normal life, so i'm a failure and weak, just waiting to die alone.
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