So I know I prolly sound petty and pathetic. I mean, that's what everyone always says whenever the word suicide comes up in a conversation, right? At least whenever I try to talk to anyone. I don't need your anger at me. I have enough of that inside. Though anger isn't the correct emotion. It's anger and depression and despair and agony and worthlessness and... So many more. I could fill the page with every emotion that explains this. But it's not going to be enough to simply write them all down. It's not like they jus go away simply because I wish so. I have so much love-filled qualities. I care for so many people. But why can't I care enough for me? I know I get angry whenever I find out a friend takes their own life, or wants to... And I do so because I want to so badly. I want to stop all those negative feelings toward myself and positive feelings toward the people who don't deserve them... I want to stop loving the ones who hurt me. I want it all to jus stop... I wish there was a cure for this. I wish that years of these feelings will simply go away. I read that "Please Hold On" thing... But I don't think I have that cell that wants to continue. I honestly think that the only reason why I am still here right now, is because I'm too scared of the pain in dying. I'm scared that it will hurt more than I hurt now, and why would I want that to be the last thing on my conscious mind?