I wish I could just vanish...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aurora_fighter, Oct 20, 2006.

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  1. I am deeply depressed since yesterday:sad: ...I have problems at work and I think the best thing to do is to quit...
    To take things from the begining,I started working at a new private school and I did a terrible mistake going there while I also had other offers.I went there cause my sister was also working there however I was a fool cause she was not really satisfied.So from the moment I started I had some problems with the secretary...she was mean and always making bad remarks,even on the way I taught...my sis told me not to care about her cause everyone knew she had "issues" and she has caused problems to another teacher in the past who left last year(she is my boses relative and she is known for saying things to her about the teachers)...so although she was constantly nothering me I didnt show my uneasiness...until a student who didnt study and didnt wana continue coming to school(my sis taught his class last year so I knew he had various problems) left the school...At that point she acted like it wasnt anyone's fault he left cause everyone expected it since last year and her parents were not really cooperative and didnt put the blame on me not even a bit(which surprised me!),so I thought the issue was put to rest
    Yesterday,she told me my boss wanted to talk to me(she said it in a smilling way which put me in thoughts)...I knew my boss didnt have the best manners in the world,cause she is famous for insulting the teachers(even in front of the kids) but I could never believe she would put the whole blame on me for this kid leaving...and also accussing me for other things that I instantly realised it was the secretary's words...Most of them were lies since she has concealed many things I have done or said and distorted the truth so she wouldnt have the blame of the kid leaving...I was insulted constaly by my boss and even when I said the truth about how things happened she didnt seem to hear me(she was ironic and didnt seem to listen to what I've said)...I have never been talked like that,I felt apologising for sth I wasnt to blame and also for things that didnt happen the way she told them:sad: I felt useless and like a 5 year old kid.she took me the class of this boy although my students really loved me(they always hugged me when they came and wanted to stay more) but she also took me another class(with which I never had a single problem) and when I asked "why?" she said there wasnt any problem with any other class(although she called me "a teacher who cannot control her students and incapable of teaching-dont know how she came to that conclusion cause she didnt have any examples to say),so I dont understand how you can talk to someone like this?even if it is ur employee,it is still a person who should be respected...I felt like she was trying to show she was God and I was nothing and she should punish me!
    I felt devastated afterwards,only slept for 2 hours and I am supposed to go teach today at this climate...I really dont wanna go and I am scared that for the 1st time I find suicide as an idea that gives me comfort,I have never felt it was a better moment to kill myself than this is...I think about how I will do it,what words to leave and to who etc etc.Cant really find a better solution...I
  2. iQuit

    iQuit Well-Known Member

    Don't do it! Think about your students!
  3. well actually I am not gonna see these students again....she only left me a few classes and she took 2 of the classes I really liked teaching and really had a good relationship with...I already have and appointment for a job interview but the thoght of going to this school this afternoon makes me wanna fall from the 5th floor and end everything
  4. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi :)
    I know it's not the best solution but can't you call in sick? People do it in here all the time, funny thing is that happens specially with teachers, I heard a lot...and as you have a job interview... maybe you should concentrate on that, it doesn't seem to me like the place you working at is such a good environment, it's outrageous to treat anyone like that, not even, but specially if they are your employees,I don't believe anyone can do a good job wich such a boss, such so called colleagues...don't give those people the satisfaction of making you feel bad, you did nothing wrong so you can be in peace with your conscience, and all I hope is you get the recognition you deserve. I bet you are a great teacher and you deserve a healthy place to work and show what you are worth, and I am sure it's a lot.
    I hope this has been or can be of some help, wishing you all the best,
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 20, 2006
  5. Thanx very much Helena for ur support,truely:hug:
    You sound like one of my friends who were always saying this wasnt a good place to work at...I should have known from the begining since I didnt like it very much since day 1,but I always hoped things would improve...I really wish I could call and say I am sick(which it is true since I can hardly walk-did I mention I lost many pounds since I have been working there because of all this stress?):sad: but I cannot do it,cannot let them have this satisfaction,I wanna show that I respect them no matter what and will do my job until the last day there(I just wish it was that easy as it sounds...)
  6. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    You're welcome :)
    ok, I guess it's the most honorable decision too, I guess only sometimes you have to swallow some proud in order to keep you safe, but sure yours is the most respectfull way to behave, i know that also is important, maybe the most important,you stand behind your decisions and act according your own chracter and believes.
    I really hope you get that other job and that is the one you deserve and makes you happy, till than try to hang in there and do the best you can, ignore those you've been so mean to you as much as you can, as it doesn't seem to matter what you say, me thinks ....
    take care :)
  7. Thank you very much,I really need some support today:smile: :hug:

    I will tell you tomorrow how the job interview went
    Take care
  8. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    man i tell you what...i went to a private school throughout my entire upbringing and i'm telling you now if there would have been any of that going on i would have had to insist on being taken out of that school. you may say well the students don't see this, but i'm here to tell you students can tell when something is not right. i don't care what anyone says the way they are treating you is obviously bs and frankly in my opinion their doors should be closed immediately. if they are treating you like this how are they treating the kids? this concerns me as well. it's time to move on and put this behind you. go into this interview with the confidence of a hundred men. you are a good teacher and you know it. remember your strengths that is the biggest tool to teaching. well that and knowing what you're teaching helps.lol you can do it. when the day comes that you will leave this place tell them how you feel and don't leave anything out, and i'm thinking maybe there should be a little volume so others can hear (not yelling, just some volume). say your piece or just let it lie, but do what is going to help you feel better and leaving is definately that first step.
  9. Well the interview went good but the new school didnt impress me(a bit old and small) but you never know...The funny thing is that my boss called me at work yesterday to tell me she will return me the classes next week...what a twat!she obviously didnt find anyone who had hours to replace me or the students told her not to...I told my sister the whole story and she has problems too,she also told me I was not the only one who felt her anger the other day but the other new teacher as well....We decided to quit together at the end of the year(if I dont change school now) and I will also demand a free day in the week(she wont find anyone to substitute me but I dont give a fuck,I know she needs me so I am gonna demand it) cause I really need it...As for the bitchy secretary,yesterday I didnt visit the office but only for a few seconds to change books and I am sure she got the message!:mad:
  10. omg,I feel so bad again
    The weekend is nearly over and tomorrow I have to go to work...I hate the fact the bitch gave my classes back,cause I didnt want them now,I was actually feeling good for having 2 days free but that damn phonecall changed everything...Now I have to go tomorrow and face all these people that I really hate:mad: :sad: ...God I wish I could fast forward the folowing days and reach weekend again.how am I gonna cope in this environment?
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Even though your boss has authority over you, she does not have power...she wants you to be off balance so only see is seen in a positive light, otherwise she would not have someone working for her who is so contrary...focus on the kids and teaching and ignore (hard to do but no use using more energy on her) all else...if two ppl are not playing, there is no game...eventually,when you find another job, you will have the ultimate control...best of luck, and big hugs
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