but I don't have a good way to do it. I guess I'll start with a summary of myself. I'm 20 year old male with no friends. I've never had a car for a sense of freedom. I live with my dad, step-mom, and younger step-brother, there's two older step-brothers that no longer live at home. I had seasonal job when I was 15, nothing since then. I've got no social skills and no personal relationships with anyone including my dad (my mother has never been in my life). I'm usually alone all day, sleeping, playing games, watching tv.. whatever passes the time. I stay in my room all day and my parents stay in theirs when they're home. I can't recall any real conversations I've had with my dad. I don't have a relationship with my step-mom, besides getting along we don't really converse. There's really no one I feel comfortable talking to. I had cancer a few years ago. My step-mom's sister, who is social and active, unlike my family, had beaten breast cancer a three or four years before I was diagnosed. She contacted me when she heard I had it and she's about the only person I could have any sort of comfort talking to.. but her life is pretty much perfect and I don't want to scare her. Her kids are all soon-to-be valedictorians and/or pro basketball players, and herself and her husband are both in well paying jobs. I've never brought my problems to her or anything, I'm just saying that if there was a scale of 1-10 of who I could talk to my dad would be a 0.1 and she'd be like a 3. She's like across the US though. My problem is that I'm scared to pretty much even leave my house (no it's not agoraphobia). I was friendly with about everyone of my classmates in high school, and I'm scared to see any of those acquaintances now. I don't want to have to answer the "hey what's up, how's life" question. Yes, I know I can just lie.. but my attitude is too shitty right now to make myself come across as happy. I'm scared to even take the garbage out to the curb every week. My neighbor across the street was an acquaintance in high school and friends with the clique I was with my senior year. I wait until it's light enough so I don't need a light, but dark enough so I couldn't be seen before I go outside. I duck under windows or hide if I see activity at their house during the day. I don't want anyone to know how big of a loser I am. I'm even more scared to go into town. Every time I've ever been there I see someone from high school. I'll check the alumni on myspace just to get an idea of who still lives here and it prevents me from going even more. I can never see myself getting a job here. I had a therapist like a year ago, I stopped going because my dad had to drive me and he was getting pissed since he'd have to spend 3 more hours once a week or two of doing something outside of work. There's probably a lot going on in this post, I can try to clarify anything if you would like me to.