Soo....basically.... I'm a 20 year old failure at life. I can't even write out why without writing a book. Just trust me when I say that I failed already. I suppose I'm here because I don't know what to do. I have a mental illness that I can't admit to, therefore I can't get help for it. I used to think I was just introverted and that I didn't like people but as the days go by I'm thinkin its worse than that. Not all introverts want to die. And I can't bring this up to anyone because I don't know how to talk about it, how to even talk about anything concerning myself, really. I'll tell you how bad it is: I used to self harm, I've been out of the hospital for 3 years now and I still havent spoken to my family about it AT ALL, I'm so scared they'll ask why I did those things, or if I think about doing it still. They've asked once or twice, but all I could do is muster up a lie for them. I just want to die. But I don't want to kill myself. Just not to have ever existed, really. Is that so much to ask?