I WISH I had a way to end it....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BriGuy, Jun 4, 2009.

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  1. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    If I HAD a way to end it right this minute I WOULD! EVERYTHING is FUCKED!

    I FINALLY thought I had a WAY to find some answers... some PEACE... and the whole idea just got FUCKED!! Now I have NOTHING! I will NEVER get to where I need... never get the answers... never get to SEE him again...

    I JUST WANT IT TO END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THIS!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED!!! I just want to SCREAM and THROW shit everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I can't even fucking DIE because I have NO way and I am TRAPPED here today!!!!!!!!! FUCK!
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Bri stay with us...I need you! I know that is selfish but true. I will help you with anything and am here for you.
    Love ya, B
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Bri...just wanted to send my caring..big hugs, J
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Just want you to know I care. There's GOT to be a way for you to get there, for you to get the answers you need.
  5. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Wish I had something of benefit to say Bri, anything to make you feel a bit better.

    I'm sorry you're hurting so bad.

    :console: xx
  6. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    thank you everyone! took something to help calm me... still not doing great, but trying... but I still wish I were dead!

    Thanks for the support, it really means a lot to me!!
  7. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Man I never seem to be around when you're in crisis...

    Hope you feel better soon, though.
  8. CPessimist

    CPessimist Well-Known Member

    feel better mate, you're a really good guy,

    we'd all be losing a great resource if you did it
  9. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    Please stay with us.

    I wish I knew something, anything I can say that will make you feel better.

    There are always two ways out of a situation.
  10. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    Thank you ALL!! I really appreciate all your support.

    A SF friend talked to me for many hours, and convinced me to take something to help relax and calm me... I then dozed off for a couple of hours, a little nap. Now I am not as 'close'... not as extreme right this minute. I still feel overwhelmed by all the pain, physical and emotional... all the shit... I am still wrecked, and don't know if this will ever fully pass... but I am alive for the moment...

    So for this moment... I am alive... taking it minute by minute... but honestly still wishing I were dead. :cry:
  11. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    Bri, I'm glad you're doing better. I'm sorry I couldn't be here but I had another issue I had to work on. Please keep in touch if you need anything and I'll try and help. :hug: You're a good guy. I'm glad you're not dead.
  12. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    Thanks again.

    I was doing better, or so I thought. Until this sleeping pill kicks in (yes, only ONE pill), I will lie here crying, wishing I were dead... feeling hopeless, pathetic, foolish, worthless, unlovable, undesirable, overall just better off dead. Why is it so hard to do it? Why can't I go to the drug store and buy ONE pill that does the job... no fuss, no muss, no pain.... that would be so much nicer!! So easy! Sounds perfect!
  13. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    So... I slept 17 hours... and don't feel any better... I wish I had never woken up. And that was just ONE dose... two pills, one of one kind, and one of another... my normal sleep dose... but never 17 hours before! So maybe if I had taken more... maybe I wouldn't have woken up... I wish I could KNOW... cuz I would love to just be GONE! I just want all the pain to end!
  14. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    It saddens me to hear your still in pain...I wish I could take it all away...hang in there as many care for you here and are here to support you. I know it is hard now but it will get better. I know it is scary but you have inner strength that you may not even me fully aware of....keep coming and posting and we will remind you of that strength.
    At the very least come for a hug or two

  15. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    Trust me... I am out of inner strength... I am getting by on fumes so to speak... I am barely functioning... and don't think I will last much longer... I just don't think I can fight it for long.

    I'll get thru tonight... but I don't think it will be much longer now.
  16. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey, we all know where you've been / where you are. We can't feel it but can understand to some degree. You've got all the answers - minute by minute is the best - but it's sooooooo hard to access them when the panic sets in... you have so many friends and resources here on SF... lean on them?
    Sorry if this sounds crap, I'm aware that when I''m in crisis things can sound hollow.... take care....
  17. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    I know you're just being kind, and I DO appreciate it... and it's not hollow or crap... but technically very few really know... I am in extreme physical pain 24/7 for over three years now... so I know a lot of people know their depression and such, and I am not saying my shit is any worse than others... but it's not exactly the same. So I am just saying not many know EXACTLY what I am going thru.

    But again, I do appreciate your thoughts and caring. I really do. Thanks!
  18. KJAB

    KJAB Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm 100% certain I don't know what you're going through. And I'm 99% certain your burden is probably more than most, even most of us here; it's all a perspective. Some posts talk of losing a girl/boy friend at 18 and considered it a suicidal situation which if I'M honest, can annoy the hell outta me, so your thoughts are totally valid, i hear what you're saying. I wish there was something I could do, or anyone could do... please take care...
  19. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    Bri, please try and hang on to that last, fragile thread. People here obviously care about you. If you need to talk, PM me. Okay? :hug: I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
  20. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    feeell like my only way... hurts so bad...
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