I wish I had a way

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by curtn34, Nov 25, 2011.

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  1. curtn34

    curtn34 Active Member

    Everything just hurts. My family hates me, the last guy I dated hates me, my real life friends treat me like an idiot, I don't know what I want to do with my life, I'm scared to do simple everyday tasks, and my online friends are tired from all my depressive talk. Everything is just one big mess. People keep telling me I need to be happy alone and that things will get better. It's all bullshit though.

    I just wish I had a way to end it all. A sure way. I don't want a failed attempt. That's the worst scenario I could ever think of. And to me, getting help is just getting used to being unhappy again. And I'm sick of that being the norm. Having to pull myself up again and have unhappiness become my normal way of feeling.
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    I am sorry this is how its been with you.
  3. curtn34

    curtn34 Active Member

    Well that has been the cycle my entire life. I just get used to being unhappy and accept it. I'm sick of it to be quite honest. I no longer want to accept that.
  4. Crashland

    Crashland Well-Known Member

    Dear curtn34,

    whoever tells you that you should be happy on your own, they are indeed talking bullshit. We humans are social beings and can only be happy and truly fulfilled in each-other's company.

    However, to be able to form and maintain meaningful relationships it is adviseable to be at least comfortable with ourselves.

    So if I were you I would certainly pay attention to myself :)

    Who are you? Is your life adequately expressing who you REALLY are? If not, what can be done to improve that?

    Please don't give up and keep posting.

    Take care,

  5. curtn34

    curtn34 Active Member

    I've been working on myself for years now. It's been lonely and miserable. I'm sick of it. If I can't have what I want now then I don't think I'm willing to work anymore. it's not worth it. But thanks for the reply. I appreciate it.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    We won't grow tired of you here hun YOu can come here and talk and we will understand and not judge okay hugs
  7. curtn34

    curtn34 Active Member

    Thanks. That's always nice to hear. I can't blame them. Some of my online friends are very supportive. I think the others just don't know how to deal with me. I've been intensely suicidal for over a month now.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is so hard to understand something if they have not felt that deep sadness themselves. Alot of us understand and with support here i hope your sadness lessens some Keep reaching out okay keep posting it does help to know one is not alone with this battle You can pm me anytime okay i may not have all the answers but i am willing to listen hun hugs
  9. istari

    istari Member

    The people here will understand your pain and be able to suipport and help you. We will get you though this, not matter what it takes. We have all seen pain and believe in you. Please keep posting and we will help and support as best we can. All i can guarentee is that you will not be alone ever again.
  10. curtn34

    curtn34 Active Member

    Thanks. I've been crying a lot lately. Just sort of in a deeply rooted unhappy kind of way. I'll just go off alone and cry for a minute or two. And I do this many many times throughout the day. I just don't want to be alive anymore.
  11. curtn34

    curtn34 Active Member

    I sat in my room holding a big bottle of pills today and was very close to taking all of them. The only reason I didn't was that I was scared of it not working.
  12. Brandt

    Brandt Well-Known Member

    I'm happy you didn't, but you should reach out for help, you deserve it. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here, we're all here, for you.
  13. jgibson

    jgibson Member

    I think I know how you feel. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend a month ago. I just cannot deal with being alone, thinking of her with her new man, and this intense, painful belief that I'll never be able to meet anyone again. Constantly thinking of ways to end my life the last month... as it's just too painful to live. I don't know what to do now.
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