I wish I had someone to love

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nothing-, Oct 27, 2006.

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  1. nothing-

    nothing- Guest

    I am back into feeling extremely depressed again. I have no self esteem... I feel I am worthless.

    First of all... I'm a guy, early 20s. I honestly don't think I am ugly, but I am a far cry from any of the "hot" guys that girls fawn over. I am about 5'4 feet tall... 150lbs. I'm pretty skinny but I'm getting a gut because I never get any exercise and I eat too much. I eat until I'm full and then I eat more.

    I wish I had a girlfriend. I've never had one. Someone to just talk to, and share life with ... A reason to live. I dream of one day having children, but I don't know if it will ever happen. Women don't like short guys. I have been reading some online personals. Not to find a date, but just to see what women want in a guy. They want everything I am not. Every single one demands tall men, handsome men, confident men. I am none of these things.

    I need to raise my self esteem. Hell, I need ANY self esteem at all. I don't deserve this. No social skills, no self esteem.

    The only positive thing I can think of is that I can make people laugh, and I think I have a good personality (although you wouldn't think so after reading this :tongue: ) I am intelligent. I think I am a good person. Unfortunately, none of these things matter when you are like me.

    God sure dealt me a crappy hand.

    I sometimes feel like ending myself because I can't bear to think about my future of lonliness and depression. Oh god, what a horrible fate to look forward to. :(
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2006
  2. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    Im 18 and im similar to you, its not cause your short. Im 6;2 and Ive never had a gf. You can lose your gut easy with a little bit of time every day. You could just jump rope for 30 mins a day and lose your gut in a couple months probably. Have acne? that can be taken care of too . If you have any female family members Like a sister or cousin you can ask them to hook you up with their friends. Dont give up hope! You can get a gf im sure you seem like a nice character, so theres no reason why you cant. Some people have a hard time developing social skills probably because depression, thats all.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Stop looking for a girlfriend and make friends with some girls. When you feel more comfortable around us females you'll find we have all the same problems you guys have.

    Girls pick up very quickly on desperate..if a guy is desperate it's like a flag and we run a mile.

    I've had boyfriends all sizes and shapes, looks never kept me with them, what mattered to me was who they were.

    There are girls who only care about looks, money etc but why would you want to date someone so shallow?

    Let me tell you one of the biggest assets you have is a good sense of humour, I love a guy who can make me laugh.

    Hang in there, try to relax a bit and it will all come good.
  4. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    whats that mean? desperate? you mean like depressed? needs love? or do ya mean horny? lol
  5. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hun, I will PM you later. I would now be I have to lay back down. I am having a serious migraine......hang in there. :hug:
  6. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Try not to worry about your looks. Some girls like short guys. I'm about your age, only a couple of inches taller than you, and quite a lot heavier. But I'm pretty popular with girls.

    This is so true. On the whole, if you've got confidence but aren't arrogant, girls will like you. Women don't want a guy who's too desperate and clingy, but someone calm and confident who they can depend on. It's a lot easier to get that confidence than change the way you look. And getting a girlfriend isn't the most important thing in the world, you can be a great person on your own.
  7. lebigmac

    lebigmac Well-Known Member

    Height is such a trivial thing, and 5'4" isn't so short that it has to prevent you from getting a gf. Besides, looks are far more important, so if you're decent looking like you said your height shouldn't be a problem, as long as you don't act like it bothers you. And if it makes you feel any better, my 6'3" frame has done nothing for me. I also have a friend who's around your height and does more than ok with the ladies, so there you go. If it really bothers you, though, you can always wear lifts and easily appear a couple inches taller... but it's unnecessary in my opinion.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2006
  8. StPatty

    StPatty Member

    I completely agree... I'm 6'2" 185 and I run every other day, among lots of other things. I have shades of a 6-pack, but I do that all for me and me alone, because I know I'm invisible to women anyway. It's not what you look like that counts, the things women look for vary just as much as men. Of course you're absolutely right about the confidence thing. I guess my problem is that I absolutely hate cliques like frats, really tight sports teams, etc. If you're wondering why women like athletes and frat boys, I think it's because when a guy belongs to a team or an exclusive society it gives him a sense of confidence (false or otherwise). That, and women also tend to think they're someone important/famous, but I think the confidence is most important. I just think it's unfortunate that these days, confidence doesn't show anything about your character. I guess that means a lot of women are going to be hurt, and also that men with good character are going to be single for a long long time.
    Basically I believe that you're a great guy. It seems to me that virtually all middle-aged women think I'm wonderful, and it's always extremely awkward when they say something like "I wish my husband was like you in (some way)". My female friends think I'm a nice guy, half of them have called me "the ultimate husband" and in an overseas semester last year I got the nickname "dad." The last girl that I almost went out with seemed to miss me just as much as I missed her and seemed upset at herself for not having feelings for me and, in her words, really being attracted to a complete asshole. (Now she dates a really nice guy that reminds me of myself, only he's a frat tool). I think the advice "make friends with girls" is really the best first step to follow. Eventually something will happen if you take that route. And, if you want my opinion, excercise for YOU, not them. I find that running in the rain is easier than a dry day, and it really helps to wring out your sorrows temporarily.

    P.S. I have red hair and used to think that was a "bad hand" too, but I've come to accept it and try to believe it doesn't matter. My brother also has red hair, but he has a more careless personality, and he's had a nice girlfriend that he ended up splitting with because she wanted too much of his time that he just didn't have. Just try to think about one hurdle at a time... this will make you more relaxed. When I get the emotional calm back to try again, I want to look more positive and relaxed.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2006
  9. tip

    tip Guest

    man this is some ridicuous shit..serious, are you by any chance me in disguise>? LOL

    Damn, everything you say there, co-sign me too man. I can really really relate to you because I'm the same man. I'm actually really shocked right now, need a minute to kinda see that someone here is really in the same boat as me cos people talk about it, but nobody gets it!

    Let me break it down too, I am also 20, 5'5" erm dunno weight but relatively average - except my gut which is kinda fat I think drinking beer and lack of exercise counts here too. I would assess myself the same - funny, good personality, intelligent generally but a dumbass in the stuff that matters and a good person I feel.

    I have had a gf though, I think I pushed her away though with my insecurities and now I look I think I was lucky with that one, who wants me now?

    People talk of pesonality, heres a little story

    Met a girl online, lives near me and we have 2 mutual friends, she's about 2yrs younger than me. We got chatting on one of those myspace like things, then msn. Clicked and after a few days of chattn alot she said she liked me (she hadn't sed that to a guy before). I met her after that 1day, was so worried about my height, but she wore flats so was taller. She was quite pretty, really skinny. Anyway after that, I could see things fade, she said to me I hadn't made any effort to look good when I had made as much as I could!

    How the fuck did that make me feel? I mean I have low self-esteem as it is! Personality didnt mean shit there, it came down to looks and thats proof.

    Anyway she seemed to have a conscience attack after that and said she still likes me and everything and wants to be friends, this it was my chubby short appearance she felt sorry for me. But after that I told her im not interested anymore.

    I want someone to be here with me, I mean the lonliness and being isolated would all be ok if I had that ONE person who loved me, put me first and could help me to accept me as me.

    Girls want
    a)tall guys
    b)bad boys
    d)rich guys

    nice guys come somewhere after that.

    To all the girls on here, I AM NOT slagging the female gender off in general. I'm slagging the human race off, guys are just as superficial and fake. I'm just telling you it as I have seen and experienced.

    Height is a big problem for me, all friends are taller than me buy a good 3"-4" except 1 who has a illness and doesn't grow as much. Can't do anything about it either, its just genetics.

    'Nothing' man, trust me I get your situation, I'm so low when it comes to this stuff sometimes I think..."if pass my test and get a car, then more girls will show an interest" but thats proving a bitch too. I'm here with you man, just tell me what you thinking cos reality is I'm thinking it or have already!

    Peace 1
  10. nothing-

    nothing- Guest

    well it's me again... I'm somewhat relieved to see that I'm at least not alone in this situation because I really feel crappy.

    I see and hear about guys beating the shit out of their girlfriends, cheating on them, making them feel like trash. It makes me angry how people like that can find a partner and be a complete douchebag to them. I would never do anything like that. It makes me so depressed because I know I could be a really nice guy.

    It's funny, because like I said, I really don't think I am ugly, although I probably am. It's just that I've always been the short guy. I've never really had many friends during school, and most of them moved away. I was always the 'class clown', trying (and mostly succeeding) to make people laugh. When I look back on it now, I just wanted people to like me.
    When I was younger, I was told that a girl in my school supposedly had a crush on me. I noticed her and her friend always following me or looking at me. I had a crush on her too. She was a bit chubby and not really popular, but I really did like her. Unfortunately I am an idiot with no social skills and I never did anything about it. I regret it to this day. I'm sure that something like this would seem trivial to any normal person, but to me, this was one of the first and only times I can remember a girl giving me any kind of attention at all.

    During highschool I pretty much stuck to myself. I spent all most all of my time alone. I had few friends, and never really talked to anyone. I was a loner, who spent all of his free time on the computer. When I was about 17, there were 2 girls in my biology class that sat near me. I had total crushes on both of them. They would tell me that I should cut my hair and I would look cute (i doubt it), and one of them drew a heart on my hand that said "U are hot". When I think about it now, I am pretty sure they were teasing me, because it definately wasn't true. You might say that I am just thinking they were joking, but I know they were... they weren't sincere. These were 2 of the "popular" girls. I don't know how someone could be so cruel to me.

    I'm sure it sounds pathetic that I hold onto these two things for so long, but they are the only times I can think of that girls actually paid attention to me, whether it was for a good reason or bad. I have never been on a date, and I don't even remember the last time I talked to a girl face-to-face. I still live at home and I never go out. I really want to change the situation, but I have no idea how to meet people. I feel like if I don't do something soon, it will be too late.

    I don't care much about looks. As long as a girl makes an effort to make herself look good, good hygiene, nice clothes, etc its all good. I especially love girls with a little weight on them. :) I don't see what everyone hates about chubby girls. Really skinny girls disgust me. I'd love to cuddle with a girl that has some meat on her bones. ;)

    I watched the movie "The 40 year old virgin" and I was mortified. That will be me one day, I can almost guarantee it. The movie could be called "The 20 year old virgin" and it would be my life right there.

    I gotta do something. I am so depressed that it hurts, and I honestly think that if I could find someone that loved me, that would listen to me and honestly care for me, I would be such a happy person again. :(
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2006
  11. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    There's NOTHING I desire more than the love and affection of a lovely lady. I'm 24 and have never had a girlfriend. I'm extremely shy and socially inept. Additionally, I suffer from severe chronic pain. Like many of you-all, I am a "nice-guy";however, I am tall and somewhat athletic. Prior to developing severe chronic pain, I was very athletic. Trust me, being tall or athletic does not help. It's our personalites and shyness that cause us to be alone.

    Sound like you might have social anxiety disorder. Suprisingly there are many men who have never had girlfriends (inculding myself, I'm 24).

    I recommend you check out http://www.socialphobiaworld.comThis topic comes up very often, and many of the members, including myself, can understand what you're going through. Search through the forum topics and you will find at least a couple of threads devoted entirely to never having had a girlfriend. My name there is Lonelyheart.

  12. Locked

    Locked Member

    Women are bitches. They only bring us pain. Seriously, you shouldn't wish that.
    I were exactly like you and now I am suffering much more than before.

    Do this:
    - Never let she bring you down.
    - At the first fight broom her fast.
    - Give less love than she gives to you.

    She continues to be my girlfriend. I can't brake up everything, because I love her.

    Take care.
  13. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    I don't agree with your '' women are bitches - they only bring us pain ''.

    How right is it to paint 50% of the world population with the same brush?

    Some of my best friends on this site, and also in real life, are female.
  14. johnnnn

    johnnnn Member

    Double your dating


    It honestly improved my game tenfold. Regardless, it didn't make ME a happy person in the long run, but I'm not bullshitting you when I tell you that book will teach you some of the simplest and what would seem to be the most obvious things about getting girls to notice you and be attracted to you. If you're a normal - above average looking guy and a funny guy like you said, I can guarantee you that you'll feel way more confident and satisfied with your female skills after reading that. Dont be afraid cause you think its cheesy either! its only popular and known cause it WORKS and its not that complicated! think about how many guys way less good looking and interesting than you that have a girlfriend (although maybe not a pretty one, but still a g/f :p). I read it all in about 3 hours and it changed my life COMPLETELY. What else can do that for you in that amount of time? I promise you its a way better investment than joining a gym than getting into shape since girls are attracted to personality WAY more than abs or w/e.
  15. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    i want to let everyone know i used to be exactly like this single without a friend in the world ... i used to cry for someone to love day in and day out.

    It's like i thought that if i found someone to love me my life would be magically better.

    Well sorry to say it wont. if you think your life is hell now its about 500 times worst when there is a woman involved ... they suck the life right out of you.

    the problem we all have is within. Sure the fact that earth is a rotting sesball of putrid cow dung doesnt help. but bottom line is

    no exterior help will ever make you feel better.

    i have learned this the hard way and i wish on a dayie basis that i would have killed my self when i was 9 or 10 instead of hoping for the world to magically fix it self ... it wont.
  16. ealdc

    ealdc Guest

    Do you think that being a quarter of the way through life and never having a lover, or bf/gf for that matter, can be a reason why so many of us are here? Cuz I do.

    I'm turning 21 in dec. and have also never had a boyfriend. I am surprised at the amount of you who are like me. Though, the big V-word applies to me. Personally, I don't think I'm half bad. I have always wanted to be a good 5 or 6 inches taller because I have always wanted to be a model, but that can never happen. I'm 5'3" and 128lbs. I'm not overweight at all but I have slightly large thighs, in my opinion and I would not feel comfortable in a bikini due to my stomach. Acne was a problem for me but not anymore, and though I do see more guys look at me none of them come up to talk to me. My mom said that something about me makes me unapproachable to guys, like I walk around looking like I could care-less about the male population. But that is sooooo not true. I want a guy sooooo badly I can taste it;)

    I seem so desperate, but really I am. Not to get laid, of course, but to find true love... a romantic guy who I can share the rest of my life with... etc. etc. But I also hate men.:mad: Only one guy in my entire life has ever been good to me. If you want to know what happened to him go to the "loved and lost" forum. My post is called "My first and only boyfriend".

    This is what me, and most all of my girlfriends seem to want in a man:

    1) a nice guy
    2) he can't be sexist, or racist
    3) confident it good, but NOT arrogant. -the thing with confidence is that a guy doesn't have to have a lot to be confident, he should just be happy with what he has, even if most other men have the same thing.
    4) he should be doing something in life... not living life to watch TV and drink beer
    5) we all fantasize about a romantic guy, u know, flowers, gifts, etc. Love is not pathetic or lame
    6) #3 applies to everything in physical appearance. Height, weight, facial features, etc. Really, it's all about confidence. Just somehow be confident with what you are, and these things don't matter. If you do have a physical problem, like a missing limb or a birthmark on your face, that you are not happy with, don't show your insecurity. Learn to act like 'well, if you don't like it, to bad'. I know it is hard. I should practice what I preach. I know what I say to be true, but it is so bloody hard to be happy with what you have.

    I hope this helps a little.
  17. emmajh1234

    emmajh1234 Member

    men are bastards - they only bring us pain :biggrin:
  18. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    LOL I think there is good and bad in both sexes..lets be honest.

    Personally I think a BIG reason for my depression is the lack of a partner, but I agree with Devasted...a few female friends again would be a good start. Lately ive been thinking about woman all the time, fantasizng like a teenage boy, its ridiculous..

    I just want somebody I can connect with mentally and there to be some sort of physical attraction...I dont care about the finer details, nobody is perfect.

    Dont want much do you? ;)...I can be all the things, but my confidence is lacking atm...thats probably my big downfall, oh and I like beer.
  19. tofrance

    tofrance New Member

    I fell in love twice in last twelve months. I don't want ever ever ever again to feel anything about anyone. It's a whole lotta crap. It will maybe work for someone among you but I don't even like the word "love". Makes me wanna puke. Hard
  20. yada

    yada Well-Known Member

    Absolutely disagree. Some may be, but not everyone. I have proof of that. As a matter of fact, I have been a "bitch" to a great girl in the past and now wish I hadn't, as I'm now paying the price for it.

    You may choose to not get as emotionally involved to protect yourself from possible future heartache, but then you never experience true love, and that's something you should not deny yourself. I too have been very emotionally hurt because of lost love, but I knew I'd get over it because I did not have her before I met her, and knew I could exist without her. Now, that I'm over her, I prefer to have the memory rather than never having met her at all.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2006
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