I'm just too much of a coward. All of my suffering has only been in words. Thus, nobody takes my depression seriously, they think its a joke. I just went to a doctor today for her to increase my dosage of my fluoxetine. She and my dad were just laughing and joking with each other while I'm sitting there, suffering and feeling like crying but I had to hold it in. That bitch laughed when I answered her questions like the fact that I stopped taking my current dosage of floxetine, laughing like why I would do that. Or also just laughing and saying that things will be alright, I'll get a job after graduating college, maybe pursue a masters and all will turn out fine. Hey, maybe try out some yoga. Their both Indian, they don't understand depression, its taboo in their damned, fucking backwards-ass culture. I wouldn't expect them to understand. Then my dad says she's a really good doctor and to follow whatever she tells me. Fuck you too. I wish I could attempt suicide so they could all know how seriously I am hurting inside, how much I am paining. They think my depression is "minor", they think that because I am young, about to graduate college, that I have my whole future going for me, why should I be depressed then huh? Its because you mother-fucking retards, I have completely and absolutely ruined my life with all my years of being sheltered in my home, on the computer and TV, doing nothing interesting at all while my peers where all getting ahead in life. They all have hobbies, dreams, aspirations, etc. I have none of those. I never went out, never went to clubs, joined clubs or organizations, did anything normal. So, then who would want to be friends with a boring, empty loser like me, who would want to be my girlfriend, my spouse, my children even? I'm not happy about graduating college unlike everybody damn else. I have no motivation, no drive, no spark, any desire to live and enjoy life. I don't feel like going out now and looking for a job. I wish I could be the loser I've been since a child and just stay home on the computer screen all day. These fuckers just don't understand my pain, I don't know if really anyone can. And they wonder why I'd had depression for 4.5 years. I have no support network. My dad claims to support me but I've realized now he doesn't know two shits about depression. Sigh, I wish I had the courage to attempt. Maybe I will finally attempt if I finally move out of my parents house and I become more depressed when I'm truly living all alone and by myself. I wish anyone else in my damn circle of people I know and know me would have depression so they could understand my fucking pain. But none of them understand at all.