I wish I had the courage to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kittylover, Nov 19, 2011.

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  1. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    I'm male-to-female transgender. I've been on hormones for three and a half years, and I still look like a man. People still call me "sir", and it really hurts. Yet when I see pictures of others' progress, they look like women after a year or so.

    I can't take it anymore. I've been in pain for so long that I'd rather be dead than a man. I just don't have the courage to kill myself. I wish I did, so that the pain could finally end.

    I only have a few friends left, who I don't see often anymore. My parents live in the same city, but they don't accept my gender issues. They refuse to go anywhere with me if I'm wearing sandals because of my painted toenails. Other than that, I can hang out with them because, after all, I look like a guy...

    I see a therapist every week. I see a psychiatrist, and am on 2 anti-depressants. They don't help enough to make me want to live.

    I sleep most of the day on weekends simply because I don't want to be awake - it's too painful.
  2. ScarlettBlood

    ScarlettBlood Well-Known Member

    kittylover, I'm very sorry for the way your parents act. They should really take you as you are, and how YOU want to be. I imagine you've tried explaining this to them? Anyways, hang in there. I'm kinda in your position, how you're feelings are. I want to, but I'm scared. Hopefully, everything will get better for you, so just hang in there a little longer, kay?
  3. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I don't know too much about M-F transgender but maybe there are other things that could help besides the pills? What exactly about yourself do want changed? Some people in your position end up getting surgery, have you considered that? As for your parents, I'm sorry they don't accept you for who you are. Transgendered people have to deal with a ton of prejudice and I think it's awful that people won't just let others be who they want to be without judging them and making them feel bad. Don't quit going to therapy. You can't change who you are and you can't change other people, but you can learn to deal with your situation better. Don't give up.
  4. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    Do you mean that you're transgender, or that you're also suicidal but don't have the courage?

    Either way, **hug**
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Kittylover, I'm sorry for the way you feel and the way your parents treat you, they're your parents, they should love and care about you unconditionally, it must be hard to cope with. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.
  6. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    I have to avoid mirrors, or I'll end up getting suicidal thoughts. I hate my body so much...
  7. Crashland

    Crashland Well-Known Member

    Hey, gal, that is one big jar of pickle!

    I could say I'm in a similar boat only the other way round but that won't help you. What might do is thinking about the future.

    Transition IS possible - I'm sorry you are not getting the results straight away but what are the predictions?

    I would love to hear from you.


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