to end it all, right now. i need my dad so badly, but he's not here he just upped and left christmas eve and hasn't seen me since. n he claims it's not his fault, cause he's ill, but he wouldn't have had liver failure if he wasn't an alcoholic. he's put us through so much, but he's the only one who understands what it's like to be this unhappy and i'm angry with him for not being here. i'm so angry i just want to end it all, i never knew anger could hurt this much, and i've never been an angry person. i hate what i see when i look in the mirror, i can't stand how ugly and useless i am. i can't take anymore bullying at work, i can't take anymore people walking into my life, screwing me over, then walking straight back out like it's fine to do so. i can't take being hurt anymore, i can't take waking up another day on my own with nothing to be proud of, nothing to look forward to.