i wish i knew how

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SpencerA, Feb 22, 2009.

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  1. SpencerA

    SpencerA Well-Known Member

    to end it all, right now.
    i need my dad so badly, but he's not here he just upped and left christmas eve and hasn't seen me since. n he claims it's not his fault, cause he's ill, but he wouldn't have had liver failure if he wasn't an alcoholic. he's put us through so much, but he's the only one who understands what it's like to be this unhappy and i'm angry with him for not being here.
    i'm so angry i just want to end it all, i never knew anger could hurt this much, and i've never been an angry person.
    i hate what i see when i look in the mirror, i can't stand how ugly and useless i am. i can't take anymore bullying at work, i can't take anymore people walking into my life, screwing me over, then walking straight back out like it's fine to do so. i can't take being hurt anymore, i can't take waking up another day on my own with nothing to be proud of, nothing to look forward to.
  2. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member


    You've been through a lot by the sounds of it & you're still here & fighting...you should be proud of that.

    Regardless of your Dad's faults & how he has treated you, he is still your Dad, it's only natural that you miss him. Are you still in contact with him now?

    I'm sure you're not ugly hunny & you're definitely not useless, I have seen some of your posts here & they are nothing but supportive.

    Anger is a hard thing to deal with, especially when you're not used to it. Try & turn all that energy into something positive (I sound like a counsellor, I know lol).

    Take care hun, I am here for you xx
  3. Longshot

    Longshot Active Member


    I don't know you, really. I'm new, as you know, so you must excuse me if anything I say sound superficial, or "newcomerish".

    But my dad left my mum and me when I was 3. It's not the same situation at all: I was 3, so completely different psychologically, and my dad is still in my life. Since I was young at the time, I've never really known a life where my dad was living with us.
    Yet, I think I can relate. From what little I can remember, I was really angry back then. I couldn't understand that sometimes, two adults can't stay together, so I was furious, with all the anger and hatred a little boy could muster. I hated my mum for not being together with my father. I hated my father for not staying.
    Eventually, it passed. Maybe it's because young inds heal quickly. Maybe I just realized, with my juvenile wisdom, that some times life changes.
    Some times, it's for the better. It's always darkest before dawn - it's a horribly cliché thing to say, but true. With the benfit of hindsight, I can honestly say things turned out for the better. It was tough being this little guy, and not having his nuclear family around - but way better than if they had stayed together "for the kid", and torn themselves apart in mutual dislike.
    I fear I digress now...

    the point is merely - while two months now is a long time to not have your dad around, you never know how things will be down the road. And you know, maybe things will turn out best.

    No matter what, ending everything, can't be the answer. In some sense, it might spare you the pain, but it will also deny you any joy. If you want your father to come back, then let that be your motivation. You can't fight to realize that goal, if you're not here.

    And you can't be useless. I've been here one day, know noone at all, and you've added me on messenger. I'd never dare to do that, and it's made me feel a lot more comfortable and at home here.

    If you ever need to talk, and you feel like confiding in "the new guy", my PM or MSN is open for you. Any time.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Laurie,
    I'm sorry you are so down..You know I remember you said your mom is very supportive of you, Can you sit down with her and discuss how you are feeling??
    Do you have your dads info (phone # and address)?? Why don't you contact him and tell him you really need him right now!! You have to communicate your feelings or they will eat you up.
    You are not ugly, You are one of the most caring people here on the forum and always have kind words and support for others. I think you are a beautifull person..Please try and open up the communications with both your parents!!Take care..And my best wishes..I am always here if you need to talk!!!
  5. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    laurie. hunny. .. i am so sad you are in so much pain : (

    can i help?? can you talk to me hun?? please pm me. .. please talk about this. i think you are an extraordinarily lovely person. . you are so empathic and available to others. .. hun. talk to me, ok??
    love, and hugs xxxx
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