i wish i knew myself

[meagainstme]

i feel like i cant control myself.
its odd.
i can control one side of me. but theres another person in me. he creeps up out of the blue, making me paranoid about things that i dont need to fear. sometimes i can keep him in, and i dont care about the world and im happy. other times he nearly drives me to suicide.

sometimes this overwhelming feeling only lasts an hour or so. and sometimes it goes on for days. last weekend was the worse. thursday to tuesday fantasising about suicide and convincing myself i had nothing and no one liked me.

i sound insane.

at the time, i dont realise what ive done. until after. i feel CRAZY. i cant control myself. im not sure if its another person in me, or just me. fuck.

i feel so lost.
sometimes im not sure if im real, or if what im doing is real.
like when im sitting on the bus, im thinking ''am i actually moving. where am i going. am i even here. can ppl see me''

etc.

im so trapped. i hate this. someone save me and help me break free from myself. please i dont think i can handle this anymore. its exhausting all this emotion.



GET OUT OF ME