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I wish I knew what happens when we die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nothing-, Nov 30, 2006.

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  1. nothing-

    nothing- Guest

    i seriously want to just die. the only thing that is keeping me here is the belief that suicide is a sin. i am scared shitless that i will go to hell. i guess i am probably just being stupid to believe in something like that, but that stupid thing is the only reason i am here. isn't that pathetic? it is almost certain that there is no heaven or hell.

    i don't even care about my family anymore. i don't care how they would feel if i just killed myself. i am so pathetic. i know my family probably cares about me, but I just don't even care.

    my life is going to amount to nothing. i will never have a girlfriend, a wife, or kids. i will never have a good job. i will never have any friends. i will end up being 60 years old, living alone, working at a minimum wage job. the feeling of being unloved is overwhelming. i just can't do this anymore.

    when i go to sleep i pray that i won't wake up. i can't kill myself but if there is really a god out there, i wish he would just take mercy on me and end my useless life. when i am out driving, i always hope that someone will swerve into my car and kill me. i want to die but i can't even do it myself.

    if i knew that we started another life when we died, or it was just like going to sleep forever, i would kill myself right now. i have already screwed this life up beyond repair. i would give anything in the world to start over again with the knowledge i have now.

    i wonder if it is considered suicide to do something that doesn't directly kill you, but ultimately ends up with you dying.
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2006
  2. Sabriel

    Sabriel Active Member

    Just so you know, my heart aches for you as I read this... I don't think it's ridiculous at all that the reason you feel you're still here is because you're afraid that since commiting suicide is a sin, you'll go to Hell. That is a very real fear and (for all any of us know) a very real possibility. Who says that it is almost certain there is no Heaven or Hell? Who can say that? Only people who have died, and they aren't talking (no pun intended). It is a possibility and not an unlikely one at that.
    No matter what you believe, I can guarantee you 100%, without a doubt, that your life (however long it is) will not and has not amounted to nothing. You affect people every day simply by living. Posting on here, something that seems trivial, changes the lives of people. That action influences them. You cannot see something, read something, hear something, experience something and have it not affect you. Every bit of information adds to the essence of a person- it shapes and defines them. You have affected people and are continuing to do so. Never say anything contrary. It is a fact. You don't know that you'll never have a girlfriend, wife, kids, a good job, etc. Although, the chances are certainly slimmer if you convince yourself that you never will. These things come about by your actions. If you tell yourself that you will never have any of these things, you won't because you won't take the actions to try to secure them.
    Do you want to know why God hasn't reached down and killed you out of mercy? It's because of His mercy! He has a plan for your life. That is why you are on this earth. You have a purpose that no one else can fulfill. You matter. You are important. You are loved no matter how much it feels like you aren't. You are special. I don't care that as soon as you read that you are thinking the opposite or thinking that I don't know you. You're right- I don't know you, but I do know that you are unique. You are here for a reason and I believe that. I don't know if you realize how big that is and how sincerely I mean that, but it is and I do. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. YOU ARE LOVED.
    And yes, it is considered suicide if you do something indirectly to end your life. It's called, "indirect suicide."
    Message me if you want to talk. I'll be here.
  3. nothing-

    nothing- Guest

    thank you.
  4. Sabriel

    Sabriel Active Member

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