I wish I never went to college

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TriEdge, Apr 25, 2010.

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  1. TriEdge

    TriEdge Member

    This will more than likely be a drag to read and I apologize if you decide to but it would mean the world to me since, well, it's my life all out here...if anything, you could even just skip to the last section.

    Growing up, I lived in a poor family and full of alcoholics and drug addicts. so it's safe to say that I've always been on the depressed side. However, I'm now an adult and just not interested in living anymore. Sure, I've cut and toyed with pills but never really anticipated a true death. Now I'm really scared and wonder if anyone can offer words of wisdom or have experienced what I'm going through. I just feel utterly alone in my circumstances because, really, they are idiotic.

    I won't get into my childhood and just stick to my current life as an adult...

    My first college

    It goes that when I hit 18, I had to go to college. My dad said I go or I'm out on the streets. He didn't even have the funds to pay for the $50 application at the time but, hey, logic never suited the man. I had relatives 4 hours away who took me in so I could attend a university. You'd think I had it good but it was hell. That was when I started the cutting. They treated me like crap, my cousins treated me like crap, I was pretty much a maid and all they did was talk about how bad my parents were and how trashy we all were. I even paid for my own groceries and cab fees to get home because they didn't want to wait 10 minutes for me to be done with a class. At this time, I also chose a major: Early Childhood Education. Why? Because I was always the babysitter of my family so it felt necessary. But really...I hated it. And I was a terrible person to work with the kids. The only real thing I enjoyed was a Japanese class I took.

    Anyway, I ended up moving out from my relative's place and into the dorms after my first two college years. My third year was spent taking some ECE classes and other classes to figure out just what the heck I wanted to do. I decided I wanted to transfer to a different school that offered a Japanese major. Now, my family was dead set against this because I wouldn't get a job with it and transferring was a waste and I've already been in college for so long..etc. I then had my friends all saying I had to follow my heart and choose what I wanted so that's what I did. I was accepted during my fourth college year and ended up taking classes that would transfer over toward my new Japanese major.

    The big problem happened when an old friend of mine moved into the dorm I was at. This was a friend way back from my high school days. She was very overweight and terrible with people. I mention that because she got into fights with the dorm people and they starting to tease her and maker her upset. I then also received some of this treatment because I was her friend. We dealt with it as best as we could and the RA was of no help because he was best buddy with all of the people. We decided to move into another dorm and as we moved our things and no dorm mates were around because of a basketball game....my friend snapped. She took some water and poured it into a laptop on the table, ruining it. Then made a whole mess of the area. I came out and was like HOLY $&^!!! A mate came back and the campus police came. I didn't know what to do! I was called in first to give my side and being stupid, I said we BOTH committed the act. I had no idea about the consequences of saying that..I just couldn't see my friend go through everything alone.

    I won't get into all the details but my friend was super depressed, I was depressed, and she decided to flee. she dropped out of college and left me alone. This was a VERY big issue in my life. The people from that dorm harassed me and I was scared to leave. I locked myself up and never attended classes and lost both of my jobs. I was also under stress from the police because they kept saying court would maybe happen and if my friend didn't show up, it would be an automatic felony charge. I didn't even know what a felony was. And my friend never got into contact with me at all after leaving. I was so alone. I couldn't believe I got myself into the mess to help my friend and all she did was leave me and not care.

    My second college

    In the end, no charges were pressed and I went home for the summer. My family was really angry at my decision and some things happened and my dad decided to disown me. The reason is because my grandma wanted to buy some stuff for my place and my dad wanted me to have nothing. He said if I went shopping then I was disowned..and that's what happened. I mentioned before he had no logic. I could write a frickin book and that guy. So I went to my new university in the city. It was fine at first but then I realized something: Japanese was really hard! And somehow, I didn't like it. I was confused and thought this was what I always wanted. But I understood then it wasn't the language, but the atmosphere. Because at my other university, I made my friends and had a good time in that class. I fooled myself pretty good. I struggled with the language and eventually dropped it and felt like I just F'd up everything. Here I was with a new major I didn't like, again, and a very tough one.

    Then that old friend came back into my life again. She suddenly had a change and wanted to try college again. I found out her grandpa died from cancer and she went through a lot. Since no charges had been pressed and I was already depressed, I said fine and she came to get a room at the place I was staying. Another big mistake. She said she would do the Japanese major with me but would have to wait until the next year. I thought I could do the major with her there since I hadn't made any friends at my new university. I continued to take courses for the major, just not the language since I dropped the first one I couldn't take any more for the year anyway; they are a sequence. My second year came around and my friend wasn't accepted to the university because her grades stunk. I still took classes but again, not the language. I decided, VERY stupidly, stupid, stupid, stupid, that if it was sooooo hard, I would finish all other classes and take the language last. It would be a total of 9 classes and at worst, I'd pay out of pocket.

    Well, I found out from the university that hey! I have a whole hella lot of hours under my belt and they won't give me anymore federal aid unless I put in an appeal. WOW! The university had told me BEFORE I transferred that I had plenty of time but then they changed the script. I wanted to do the appeal and be like hey you sobs said I had time and you KNEW I was transferring in..but no, my new adviser said I was SOL because I didn't have good enough "circumstances" and I didn't take my language classes so wtf was I doing. I was pissed. My circumstances were that I changed my major and transferred. They obviously didn't care. I was scared and couldn't tell anyone. How could I tell my family that I messed up everything when I put everything on line to get here? I never said anything and kept lying. Thankfully, no one ever asked me to speak in Japanese.

    My third college (yeah, the last one)

    I bet your sick of reading and think I'm a big idiot. I am. I won't deny it. And I made another stupid move. My high school friend applied to community college and was accepted so I also applied and went there. The community college said I had enough hours for one year, and then I would have to appeal for another and get some of my hours that didn't count to my current major taken off record. The major I decided on was Business Office Applications, basically secretary/administrative assistant. I chose it because I had previous secretary work from a business incubator and some classes I took already counted to the degree. The big problem here is I can't type. My high school never taught it. (I'm 25). So, that added on an additional 4! classes to take.

    So, I started this out and enjoyed it. I met a lot of great, down to earth people and felt like I finally fit in. I thought wow...I should have gone to community college to begin with! Now starts where my life took the worst turn......

    That friend of mine, we were sharing one room in the place with rent split. Yeah. One. Room. We were very poor and had to save as much as we could. We never had trouble getting along until community college because I had to take MORNING classes. The university offered so many classes that I could take them in the afternoon. but not community college. I have to get up at 6AM, get on the bus, and get there by 8AM. The reason why this was such an issue is because that friend, she dropped the one community college and picked some online thing and took online only classes. I don't know how to describe it...maybe some of you know of people like this, but she became a net addict. she denied it completely but I truly believe she did. She never wanted to go out and stayed on the computer all day. I kid not. Never did anything and she gained way more weight and started to get much more unhealthy and health problems.

    We got into big arguments because I said I needed sleep at night but she wanted to stay on the net until 4AM in the room; we paid for net. I could NOT sleep with the light on, her typing and some IMs making noise all night. Even with headphones, it was so loud because she'd bast it and typing was so loud. Well, we went through hat but then the net wad cut off. She stopped paying it for months. I had given her money and she was taking it and spending it on fast food/candy. I was highly pissed and the net was cut off while she was away for two weeks and as I was taking a quiz! She came back and didn't even care there was no net or it was cut off when I was doing college work. She wanted to get a new net company and I refused. Our place had a net connection in one room and I said if we needed the net, we go in there.

    So, I used net at my college and she became glued to that one room with net. She was never in our shared room. She then started staying on the net until 5AM. But then she got all pissed and blamed me saying that the room we shared was no longer 'ours' because I forced her out. She came there to sleep, hell she'd sleep until 1PM and I couldn't do anything in the room and had to leave. It was a terrible living situation.


    What currently now happened is she moved out. She said F everything and didn't care, and left me stuck with a lease and a lot of rent. This is what is happening right now. I've had to sell off everything, deal with the credit person at the rental office, borrow money, etc to make it. She said she didn't even care if I were homeless. I have pretty much paid off everything but I have no money to eat or anything. I just have an empty room and my cell phone only because I'm on a shared plan for $5 per month. It doesn't really matter anyway because I am just not interested in eating or anything. I have even lost close to 20 pounds already from not eating and walking around aimlessly just to get out of the room. Even if I eat I feel like I wanna throw it all up and I usually do.

    I was scared one day because I didn't drink water because I just didn't want to, sat outside for hours in the hot sun and got very sick. I just wasn't thinking about how bad the sun can be. I felt scared only because I thought to myself, well, that's what I get for being so stupid.

    Also, the college is now pulling an attitude with me about this appeal. It's like deja vu. Before they said the appeal was no big deal but now, all of a sudden, I just don't have good enough circumstances. It doesn't matter that 98% of everything I've taken at every college has been an A or that I transfer, or anything. I just have a lot of hours, stupid choices, and no one wants anything to do with me.

    Why I just want to give up

    I can't afford to live on my own anymore and want to finish the college but need to save a couple thousand for my last year. I thought I would go home but it's not so easy. I have a lot of student loan debt. About 27k. A payment is due every month and all I have to my name is $400 and I still owe for people I borrowed from to pay my room mates part of the rent she left me with. I want to do an IBR payment (they let you pay a little amount from how much your income is instead of a full monthly payment; my monthly payment otherwise would be $300) but my families probably all make too much and I wanted to live with my mom, but she's on shelter care plan and more than likely, they won't let me live with her. She's trying to see but even she said herself, well, if I'm not approved I'm not so I'll live somewhere else. It's kinda like she doesn't care too much either way. I can't blame her since I'd never want to mess up her program or her SSI. Also, living with anyone else it would be VERY hard to get a job. Near impossible. There is no public transportation and they live around nothing. Only my mom does and there's a bus. I do have a driver's license but no car since I could never afford one. And I REALLY suck at driving. Oh, and I still haven't even told my family I'm going to a community college. I've still never been able to admit my utter failure.

    So, everyone, I feel like I pretty much got nothing to go on and I just feel like I don't know what I could ever do and there's no point in anything. No college wants my butt, jobs don't even like hiring me anymore and that's even IF there's anyone hiring, and I can't afford to live on my own. Did I also mention the rent has nearly gone up in double?! I can't even concentrate on my classes or anything since you know, it's pretty hard when you're thinking well I'm going to be homeless or just not around anymore. so, who cares? I really don't know what to do. With my friend leaving me with a ton of rent to pay, all this college for nothing, debt...what can I even hope for? Oh, and I also have one credit card at $2.8K debt. Yay. It's like as soon as I leave and even lived with anyone, they'll all find out I'm stupid and worthless. and then I won't be able to make my loan payment and then I'll default and then the gov't will not be happy. It's really, like, what is there to do...has anyone gone through this?

    I feel like I'm the only really stupid person here.
  2. dennyd

    dennyd New Member


    i can't say i relate to everything you said, but i can offer very good advice. 1.) focus on yourself. stop falling for the room mate or past friend routine. if they used you or bailed on you once, don't let them do it again! you learned the hard way and it fucking sucks i know. but you let it happen man. 2.) you need to understand that loans and financial help is only offered to a extent when it comes to college. its obvious you have trouble in this area and looks like you lack focus on what you actually want to do. its obvious you made all kinds of mistakes when it came to selecting classes. college isn't about just taking courses or putting off hard courses. those are common mistakes that will cost you in the end. you need to forget about college for now and focus on a job. i know it sucks. im not going into personal details but i know it sucks. you are partly to blame and i know nobody likes to hear that. im sorry about your dad and people that bailed on you, but at some point as hard as it is you must start making your own decisions. don't make the same bad mistakes you did before. if it happened before, don't put yourself in that situation again. 3.) you have access to the internet and time to post here so im guessing you have some limited resources. use them wisely. instead of getting a degree consider certifications or something. stop adding to your student loan debt - which you probably are capped at that by now. your focus needs to be on yourself. looking for a job. don't take in people again - they will bail on you as you found out!

    as far as family goes. we can't always count on them. i read what you said. your a complete stranger to me as i am to you. so i hope you see i took the time to write back to you not to dis you but to offer some good advice. i know it sucks. i don't know your whole story or anything but you really need to make decisions for yourself and not the same old decisions. you came here and pointed out your mistakes as if you know them. you are not the only one i see this all the time. just don't keep making the same decisions. 27k is enough college loan debt. stop adding to it. i can also tell you right now that i understand you may be mad at colleges for not offering you assistance or further financial help. you need to look at it from their end and in your own words. it would actually hurt you to take on more debt at this time. don't get mad at them. i can't speak for your family. i know that factor gets really tough but anyways i hope you consider these things.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...you are NOT stupid, in fact, I think it is remarkable that you were able to do this much in light of the family situation you have come from...all of us must fail before we succeed; just the price of being here...I cannot list the vast number of failures I have had...I hope you find something that you enjoy...again welcome; big hugs, J
  4. TriEdge

    TriEdge Member

    Thanks all

    @ dennyd:
    Thanks for taking the time for that reply and reading. You're right, it is all my fault--no pity party entailed there. I do get mad at the college though because they, each time, insisted everything was fine. I do know I'm not the only victim to that set up. I suppose I felt I had to keep going and get some degree. Everyone keeps telling me I've been in so long that I MUST get a friggin degree. It's why I feel so stupid and worthless. When people know I've been in so long...they simply cannot fathom how I have no degree. It's that bad. If I hadn't gone to this community college right now..I would have saved 5K loan debt plus all this rent debt.

    I totally understand what you mean about not taking on more debt and getting a job. But, that plan didn't quite work. There have been no jobs where I live at currently. You'd think the city would have something but only if they want to give it up. Most of the time, all hiring is done inside so they can save on training. Or, they want 2+ experience. Most college students have that to deal with..it's like you go for a degree and come out with no job. No one wants to hire. But hey, at least those people got the degree unlike me.

    There is actually a little joke about how students are in college longer and adding worthless minors (like your major is Engineering and you get a Journalism minor) and second degrees just to wait out the recession. More and more debt. I even have an old friend with 100K debt! Costly school and went for some dental major.

    Again, I really appreciate the reply and I'll definitely be considering all that you've mentioned. I just don't really know how I can do much of anything if I have nowhere to live and immediate debt : <

    If you wanna share your story at all I'm all ears..or eyes as would be on the Internet. I have the net resource at my college and home. Right now I'm trying to do homework because it's all I can think of to do. A responsibility no matter what may come.

    @ Sadeyes:
    Thanks kindly for the welcome and haha, it's okay. I am quite the foolish girl. My family was/is pretty bad but I'm glad to even have a family at all. I think family is one the things most people take for granted, just like a meal at the table. My sidedish diet is a testament to that.

    I hope all of those failures at least led you to something great. Kinda like the golden brick road. Works since failures seem as heavy as bricks.

  5. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    Staying with that girl was definitely a stupid thing to do... It sounds like you were just trying to be a good person, but it was still pretty dumb. You don’t need to be ashamed of going to community college... Maybe you can go to a trade school or something? I know a girl who went to trade school cause she was broke, became a pastry chef and was then able to make good money while starting college.

    I know what it’s like to be all out of money.. that happened to me before. I had to ditch an old roommate and a landlord and despite not wanting to I had to move back home with my family (which was and still is awful).
  6. lawstudentindebt

    lawstudentindebt Active Member

    I feel your pain. I'm $200k in debt, from a school that all but promised a 160k+ job when I enrolled. Then the economy turned south and I didn't get any job at all, despite being in the top 1/3 of a top-14 law school. I think every day about ending it all because of the repayment pressure. I'm on track to being homeless within a year. Young people were disproportionately affected by this recession in that we graduated with the most student debt but can't even get off the ground because there are no entry level jobs for us.
  7. TriEdge

    TriEdge Member

    @ lonercarrot:
    I know. I regret terribly and hold so much anger about it. However, that point was also to save on rent since sharing made rent much cheaper. Besides helping her, I thought it would help me. And no one else wanted to share a room with a stranger. Sharing one room sucks. I have learned that I don't think I could EVER share with anyone again. No matter who or why. A cosigner or lease makes no difference, if one bails out the rent must still be paid. I looked up and heard so many horror stories now about roommates that I say screw it!!!

    That's why I started the community college for a 2 year degree to get something for the current job market. I don't think I could go to a trade school because I just can't really get anymore federal aid.

    I'm sorry to hear that happened. So you left out on a lease? Living with family can be a true terror. I really envy folks who can live happily at home. I asked around and everyone always says to go home..like it's just so simple. Heh.

    @ lawstudentindebt
    Holy debt man! What the hell college promises a job like that? Too bad they can't be held liable in some way. I know, pretty immature thinking but you understand the anger. I'd think with that degree and your excellent marks, you could land something, even a lesser paying job. Or are you victim to the whole "you're too over qualified so we can't hire you' deal?

    Man, I'm really sorry. I can't imagine how much your monthly payment is. Have you been able to use the IBR at all? With no job..no income..no payment then.

    Agreed. With or without the degree, no guarantees. I've met a lot of accountants with over $50K debt and not one job ever. Just what the hell..you'd think law and accounting are in high demand!

    If you ever need to additionally rant or what have you, I'm here for ya
  8. lawstudentindebt

    lawstudentindebt Active Member

    Until 2008, most of the top 20 or so law schools placed the majority of their graduating classes into jobs at large corporate firms in either NYC, DC, Chicago, Atlanta, SF, or LA. There was a huge need for transactional lawyers to paper securitization deals (i.e., structure a mortgage-backed security in a bankruptcy-proof but non-fraudulent way). There are hundreds of those firms, and until 2008, they all paid between 145k and 160k, and hired hundred of new grads each year. When the securitization market caused the economy to burst, banks stopped hiring mega-firms to structure their deals, and the firms laid off over 10,000 attorneys in 2008-2009; needless to say, there was an industry-wide hiring freeze.

    The top schools marketed themselves aggressively with representations about what percentage of their students landed such jobs, and what the average salaries were. My school, when I enrolled, represented that its average starting salary for students entering the private sector was $160k, and that 65% of the graduating class began working at one of the top 100 firms in the country. It was no secret that schools jacked up their tuition to attract students who depended on their ability to pay off the debt with a high-paying corporate law job after graduation. Very few students wanted to structure securitizations for their whole careers, but we all knew we could pay off the debt that way. The resulting yearly tuition for my school is $51k, and the cost of living is about $20k/yr. Thus, the debt.

    Now, with those firms hiring only 0-5 people each per year, as opposed to 200-300 people per year, the legal market is flooded with people with prestigious credentials who would have ordinarily worked at large firms, but now cannot. Interestingly, the legal market's salary curve is extremely bimodal: there are lots of firms with starting pay in the 145-160k range, and lots of firms with starting pay in the 40-50k range, and extremely few firms anywhere in between. So when the upper range jobs dropped out of the picture, it wasn't like you could just step down and make 100k instead of 160k. The only realistic option was to apply for 40-50k range jobs, which would not allow you to pay the bills for your 200k+ debt.
  9. dennyd

    dennyd New Member

    well im not on here to share my life story as ive learned some details just cant be said to people you dont know or on the internet. since you shared some of your story the part about college and family is somewhat similar in some ways to me. it sounds like your trying to buy out time by going to college since you have no job. ive experienced unemployment too as well as the lie that once you graduate you will get a job. i have more than one degree completed with decent grades. yet it takes more than that now. there is a huge political problem in our country. some of what you are feeling is not your fault. but man the part about picking majors and living with that girl was. also i should have said don't ever feel so bad for someone that you feel you need to take the heat for them. she left you high and dry on that and it should have been a hard learned lesson. im not making fun of you and believe me i know some situations suck. don't waste your time with people that don't care about you. you got to stick to yourself and try everything. i been there before. if it doesnt work try something else. i know it sucks. i hate sometimes trying again but it has to be done. just dont make the same mistakes.
  10. dennyd

    dennyd New Member

    if its of any comfort to you... you may have made some stupid decisions but that doesn't mean your totally stupid because at least you recognize some of your mistakes i mean you told them to us here. think of it this way there are a lot of idiots who couldn't even get accepted to college and lie to everyone else saying they got a degree. at least in some way you tried right? less can be said for others. i see people lie all the time. college is hard. you have to stick to it. even the hard classes. then when you are done you have to pay back your loans whether you are working or not. which yeah there's problems with that, but there is a huge problem with our economy. so it makes people more depressed and easier to get into situations like you are in. just don't make the same mistakes. try and use it to your advantage not against you.
  11. airjacobs

    airjacobs New Member

    Hey, you are not stupid. You can handle those things. Keep it up man. Don't waste your time doing nothing.
  12. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I have a similar problem accepting that people who were once my friends are completely untrustworthy assholes. This has had some serious repercussions for me, almost getting me expelled and into serious legal trouble. There comes a point when you just have to say 'No more' and refuse to associate with any of these people.

    I can't offer any advice on your debt, however.
  13. Michael Ayin

    Michael Ayin Well-Known Member

    This is good advice. A lot of people continue because they figure one day that will get that big job and make good money to pay off the debt they accrued---college debt is typically differed when you are going to college although mounting interest is there.
  14. Michael Ayin

    Michael Ayin Well-Known Member

    We've been lied to. A college degree is no promise of a good job, much less a career. Back in the day it was quite the resume builder. Not now.

    There's a series of skepticism towards the high price (and the end result) of college on youtube from differing sources that are very intriguing. Sallie Mae comes to mind---they are making quite the big bucks while those student loans must be paid back. Anyone who wants to be truly disgusted--and have their eyes opened---should look them up. And as someone said about huge debt, "they are bitches of the system" because it has to be paid off.

    Admin and faculty members lie ten times more than military recruiters when back in the day it was practically the opposite. I dropped out of a school with a strong rep because I saw the writing on the wall; I keep getting shity jobs that couldn't help me with debt, rent, car payment, and food all by myself. No way.

    And I had a feeling that even with a degree I wasn't certain that I would get a career out of it. Plus, I have birthmarks in many places on my body and face, and getting a degree to teach high school English and Psychology would have been a struggle. When I was a kid I suffered social isolation because of this, and when I got older I had serious anger issues about it. Even correcting a wayward student nowdays is precarious; admin is often on the side of the parents against you, many kids are spoiled brats that are mouthy and having to deal with an arrogant jerk that would think I was a target because of my malaise would not sit well with me. There's a lot of disillusionment of the system and that's one of them. But even now teaching jobs are far from safe; they are getting cut left and right in the county I live.

    It sucks because as a youth I was "artsy" and should should developed a love for the trades or science instead. The liberal arts are a serious gamble for the aspiring student. Favorism, who you know, a lofty background, and just being a rich kid is what gets you the grade and the career now, not a piece of paper. Goddamn sad.
  15. Michael Ayin

    Michael Ayin Well-Known Member

    Jesus Christ.
  16. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    Lets see, Im on my 6th college, and still no degree... Ive pretty much given up on that future.........
  17. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    it is so hard to complete a degree or any education with depression, hell I struggled so much. But I am glad I did it, hell I did not do great but I finished just. Keep going and see if there is any support you can get in the meantime.
  18. TriEdge

    TriEdge Member

    Wow. I just received an e-mail about some replies to my thread. I am quite surprised it's still getting attention. Thank you all <3

    I want to say that I am comforted by reading all of your advice and that I'm really not alone in feeling betrayed by people and getting caught up in debt.

    Currently I fully paid off one credit card and am living with family to help manage the college debt and finding out what to do. It's been rough because my mother just suffered from a heart attack.

    I greatly sympathize with everyone else trying to get through college. I was angry because I could have had a degree in Early Childhood, but now all the schools are closing down here and the teachers have lost their jobs. Two of my family members in teaching/child care are unemployed. At least I don't feel as stupid for not getting that degree. I'm maybe also looking into something like a Peace Corps or even the military if I can't get a job soon.

    I'm still very depressed and trying to keep a grip on things. I'm eating a little again and am avoiding the medicine cabinet.

    I hope we can all survive this tragedy of an economy.
  19. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    I'm in a similar situation with school, as I wasted a lot of money and had to re-do courses because of my depression, and now I feel like a failure because I'm in the same spot I was 3 years ago, and still have not accomplished anything or done anything with my life while everyone around me seems to be doing great things.

    Look if there is one thing I know, it's that you can't keep thinking about he past, whatever happened... well it happened, you can't change it... you can't keep crying over it, what mistakes were made... they were made... you HAVE to accept the decisions you made and even things that were not in your hands.

    You sound like someone who is really strong... and seriously 27k debt is not much... you sound like me too, I made the mistake of rushing college, when I had no idea what to do... and wasted time taking courses i didn't need... Things are tough right now, but just stick it out... it will get better...

    Most importantly... A degree doesn't define you... YOU DEFINE YOU... take care of yourself... you shouldn't punish yourself by not eating... and you could be doing more damage to yourself healthwise... don't take your health for granted.

    Learn from your mistakes and move on... focus on WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE NOW... and just accept the past for what it is and leave it in the past... don't punish yourself... you sound like a smart person who is also very tough, and im more than positive things will end up ok with you if you just keep going... :)
  20. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Is your mother okay?

    I'm not sure about the military where you live - but I do know that you must not lie on your application. If you're caught, it will be declared a fraudulent enlistment. Unfortunately, they don't seem to want a lot of people like us...
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