I wish i wanted to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Songie, Oct 5, 2012.

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  1. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    I'm sure many people here will be offended by the title alone. How could someone wish they wanted to die? Well, i'll explain it to you. i did want to die..for so so long. I just wanted this all to end, to be over. And then i got pregnant, and went into labor early and my son died. And I couldn't feel that way anymore. I couldn't want to die when he never got the chance to live, it just didn't seem fair. Not me, not his mother. I could live for him. But now...I wish i wanted to. I've learned that sometimes getting over being suicidal isn't the greatest thing in the world...because you have all of the pain you had before, every nightmare, every flashback..and theres no end. There's no light at the end of the tunnel, no possible escape from it. You just stew in it and let it consume you...I wish..so so very much, that I wanted to die.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think hun you want so very much to get the help the support you need to live. You want the pain and sadness to end. wanting death is just a way out of all the pain and you feel trapped here but hun you can live with help you can move past all the pain. I hope you get a therapist to help you hun. I am so sorry you lost your son hun hugs to you
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Hi Songie

    Many years ago, when I met the girl who is now my wife, she became pregnant. She didn't just "became," it was my fault too. It was not a fault, though. Life creation is special. I loved her, and she me. We moved in together, her parents "disowned her," and we paved away - we both had decent jobs, despite being 18/19.

    She lost our child. I even remember getting a speeding ticket when I was going to our child's funeral (she was still in the hospital - he was born and lived a few minutes). I got her a puppy when she came home. I hoped that would help. It did some.

    After that, we had three more children. We married and have been married 35+ years. Our oldest, he's a hard working guy. Our middle son, he is a party-boy, but he's still cool and a hard working dude. Our youngest boy had all the talent (music/acting) and he was the most like me. He did a season on Disney TV. He modeled for some catalogs. He played guitar, keyboards, and bass. His band was getting recognition.

    He died by suicide. I don't know why. Nobody knows why. We are not poor or disadvantaged, and we are a good "family atmosphere."

    Stick around.
    Have more loves, have more kids. Remember those you've lost. Honor them.

    Stay here.
  4. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    the only good thing about the pain that you feel is that it lets you know that you are STILL fighting. that everyday you have the courage to keep living that you say NO to the thoughts. that you have the courage to keep going. that is respectable and should be something to be proud of. dont give up. seek help, please anywhere you can.

    my deepest sympathies for your child. I can not imagine what you are going though, but you posting here and still fighting inspires me to keep going. (strength is contagious.)
  5. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    Thanks I really appreciate it...I mentioned my son here, as he is my reason for living...but the reasons for my pain go so far beyond that. I will stay, I will keep trying. But I think I may be too broken to be fixed.
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