quite simply i want to kill myself but last year i decided to live for my mum. she and i live together we are the only one. but everyday is boring. every day i want to die but being forced to exist. now i am thinking maybe one day i can wake up and impulsively die within a few hours without thinking about the consequences if you know what i mean. when you prepare for too long you start to hesitate. im 23 btw. i do not know how i am going to live the next 30 years or so while my mum is alive. then when she is not. i have the green light to die if you know what i mean. but i cannot wait that long! each year is like forever for me. only four years have gone by and it seems like ages ago. and to think that there is another 30 years to go. fu*k me! i am angry jealous that people around me are moving forward and getting on with life. i cannot be like them because i don't like this existence. i do not belong in a group of people. i observe life from the outside looking in but not being part of it. i don't know why i post this usually i dont but occasionally i get impulsive and i want to let this out. if you bothered to read this then i thank you with my heart.