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'i wish i was dead' (sorry may trigger)

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letmego3

Well-Known Member
#1
quite simply i want to kill myself but last year i decided to live for my mum. she and i live together we are the only one. but everyday is boring. every day i want to die but being forced to exist.
now i am thinking maybe one day i can wake up and impulsively die within a few hours without thinking about the consequences if you know what i mean. when you prepare for too long you start to hesitate.
im 23 btw. i do not know how i am going to live the next 30 years or so while my mum is alive. then when she is not. i have the green light to die if you know what i mean. but i cannot wait that long!
each year is like forever for me. only four years have gone by and it seems like ages ago. and to think that there is another 30 years to go. fu*k me!

i am angry jealous that people around me are moving forward and getting on with life. i cannot be like them because i don't like this existence. i do not belong in a group of people. i observe life from the outside looking in but not being part of it. i don't know why i post this usually i dont but occasionally i get impulsive and i want to let this out. if you bothered to read this then i thank you with my heart.
 
#2
Twinkle twinkle little star
Look inside, see what you are
Make a change and like whats there
Love your Mum and treat her fair

Do today to make the morrow
Live with love and accept your sorrow
Content yourself and you will shine
Be yourself and all is fine

Do the things that make you smile
Take a walk, a country mile
Inside beauty attracts the same
Giving, is the real game
 

lkt

Active Member
#3
why don't you try talking with your mother, i'm sure she'll try to help you, she loves you, and she doesn't want you to die, she'll be very sad when you're gone i know life sometimes is nearly impossible to bear, but as long as you

you want to take part in life not as an outstander, so why don't you try to hang out, sometimes it sounds like a foolish idea, but it can help you in a lot of ways, maybe you can find a friend and 'take a part in life'
 

imyouroldman

Well-Known Member
#4
you said you were going to live for your mum.
But if you live for your mum, it will be the end of you.

I believe in honesty, even if it hurts.

I think it's better to live with the pain caused by the truth, then the deception caused by a lie. For your sake, tell her what you feel. You owe yourself that much...

BTW, you should see my posts, when I'm in that bad place..!! It's good to let your feelings show here, cuz I think all of have the same thing in common.

No one listens to us and understands us. OR You can't even talk to them at all.
 
#5
Hi Twinkle. I was just wondering if you are seeing anyone to discuss these thoughts with? I am pleased that you are not planning to act on them right now but sometimes I think the thought that an end is possible can be a comforting one. However wrestling with such thoughts is difficult and for me involve alot of distress at times. I think if you've made the decision to live for however long you see it as now I think maybe you should be kind to yourself and find someone who will discuss these feelings with you even just to help you manage any distress that the thoughts are causing you. I see you seem to be, forgive me if I'm wrong I don't like to assume, possibly talking about it here as a form of release. I find the benefit of talking to a doctor being that I can manage that distress much more and it has opened up more possibilities than I did have. With a medical professional you have the advantage of patient confidentiality so if you didn't want certain things being "made public" it wouldn't come to that. Talking on here is great at helping to manage feelings too, but personally I find that talking to my psychologist and building that rapport of seeing someone regularly who seems to hear what I'm saying is a comfort so maybe could be of assitance to you too. Take care x
 
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