I wish I was dead.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sycotic_Sarah, Apr 17, 2008.

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  1. I've wished it since as long as I can remember.
    I've tried to act on it since my first attempt, either at nine or eight. Eight I tried to choke myself. Nine I tried to hang myself. Either way, it obviously failed.
    I've tried so hard to disconnect from reality.
    I've tried to hard to block everything out.
    I've tried so hard to make it stop.
    But nothing ever works.
    I want to die.
    So much.

    I know I am like, hated on this forum.
    I know that people think I'm a selfish bitch on here.
    I'm sorry I come across that way.
    I've changed alot since a few months ago.
    Well, I never stop changing I guess.
    One day I'll be the angriest meanest fucked up bitch ever, the next I'm trying to help someone not hurt themselves, I never do succeed though. I'm always the one that hurts them.

    I keep ranting on and on.
    I'm sorry.

    I just, this is a suicide forum right?
    Well, I'm suicidal.
    I wish to join my nan.
    I miss her.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sarah...you are not hated here...like the rest of us, sometimes we do things, because of our pain, that might not be in our own best interest...I have done this hundreds of times, and probably will continue...I think there are times when we draw a line in the sand, so to say, and move forward...please PM me if I can help...big hugs, J
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    SArah, I feel the same way myself, much too often. I try to modify that feeling by not wishing I were dead, just wishing I'd never been born. Same thing, different expression. Please just hang on one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

  4. sugar&spice

    sugar&spice Guest

    When i first came on this forum i though i was gonna be hated because so many people have gone through so much more than me... i was wrong...

    ive been there, heck we all have, ive tried it since i was younger as well, and i especially no what ur goin through with missing ur nan n widhin to be with her... my nan has been dead 4 4yrs now n theres not one day where ive not thought about her.. ill give u an idea on what u can do about ur nan.. its not advice.. n u dont have 2 do it if u dont but it helped me alot... get a box.. like a shoe box or like a small box where u can hide it from the rest of the world... put photos, small or big items, songwords, ur own letter 2 her [if u write them 2 her] n anything else that reminds you of her... i dont share this with jus anyone... onli my bestest frined n my mum noes bout it... n weneva u miss her jus lok at it n think this is the reason im living for... its helped me in the past.. it myt not help all the time but most of the time it does...

    2 weeks ago i wrote 3 suicide notes 1 to my nan, 1 to my parents n 1 2 my closest friends... i then did aersols [DO NOT DO - THEY FUCK U UP] and then self harmed... i cuaght a glimpse of my nans box.. i took it down from the shelf.. n i jus cried.. lookin at all the photos and all the sstuff that i had remindin of her... i didnt do anythin else.. i couldnt bring myself 2 kill myself becuase of i felt that i owed it to my nan that i deserve to be alive...

    yeh ppl may h8 u in reality.. but in this world... in cyber world no one does... they do not judge, they do not hate, and they DO care...

    i could tell u stories that you wouldnt imagine bout this place.... the senior adminastrator.. ROBIN, they helped me so much a few yrs bk wen i was gettin beaten up by my dad, they may not remember as i had a different username - i forgot my password n user name.. n my email account was closed... so i made this one... but robin helped me beyond belief... n we are all here to help u, not to judge u, not to hate u, but to show understanding n care and love...

    sorry for goin on but this has helped me alot.. n i hope it helps you 2....

    take care.. u can pm me anytime you fancy a chat.. n let me no if u have tried the box.. it does work 4 some.. xx

    take care..
  5. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I dont think anyone here hates you. Everyone has its own reason for the things he do, and others should accept him. Sometimes we think that we dont belong anywhere, but at the end, we all see that we belong here. We are minority, but we are also a comunity, we belong here.
  6. thanks for the replies everyone.
    i didnt think anyone would bother.
    im sorry for posting, i think it was a mistake.
    take care.
  7. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    I'm new here,

    You seem to be a pretty good person. We all speak differently, sometimes our words come out the wrong way)espicially if its not your native tounge), many of us understand that.

    Constantly changing can be a good thing, that means you adapt quickly to different things.

    I'm glad that you are still alive.
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